Rixem's Journal

I'll probably edit this later

I've known the term "otherkin" for a while & I've always felt out of place, but I didn't start considering myself otherkin until recently. I always feel like I'm unwelcome or "not the same" as everybody or homesick or something. I've felt phantom ears my whole life, but always figured it was just vestigial muscles (still might be). I feel phantom horns sometimes too. Walking on 2 legs feels weird & having a flat human face feels weird & when I look in mirrors that doesn't look like me. I don't have a specific kintype. I don't have memories of being another creature. I attribute my otherness more to trauma than to soul stuff, but who knows. I definitely can't consider myself entirely human though.


Generic Stuff:

• 22
• Physically female, do not understand gender
• Ethnically neutral
• MBTI Type: INXJ-A
• Grad student studying counseling with a focus on clinical mental health
• I've mostly had dogs & birds, grew up around horses
• I love dragons (not a kintype though)
• I draw & I play drums
• Science-first, but open to supernatural stuff
  

Two legs ARE weird, when you think about it.
I ran around on the balls of my feet & toes, digitgrade, most of my childhood. Could NOT do otherwise.
I didn't get horses until I was an adult, started with Autism therapy.
Only super-rich folk had horses where I grew up, but now that I'm rural lots of folk have them.
Must be nice to have them as a kid.
.
.

I'm familiar with most of the MBTI types, but what's "INXJ-A"? The X is unfamiliar to me; I assume it's when you're an even mix of Feeling and Thinking?

And yes, two legs are weird. As is the flat human face. I miss my muzzle, but not as much as I miss my tail!

(2023-01-21 20:48)Elinox Wrote:  I'm familiar with most of the MBTI types, but what's "INXJ-A"? The X is unfamiliar to me; I assume it's when you're an even mix of Feeling and Thinking?

Yeah INXJ is when thinking & feeling are a pretty even mix. If you're a mix, some people use X in the letter's place. Like if you're an ambivert, you might be XNFJ or XSTP.
The A is a part that was added later; Assertive vs Turbulent. I like that this was added; A lot of people tend to assume that introverts are turbulent & extroverts are assertive, but that's not how it works.

(2023-01-21 20:48)Elinox Wrote:  And yes, two legs are weird. As is the flat human face. I miss my muzzle, but not as much as I miss my tail!

I'll never get used to the flat face or 2 legs.

I really hate the idea of otherkin being "real" in some sense but me not being part of that. I don't know if anyone else worries about that too. In the back of my mind, I wonder if it's just me "trying to be special" or something. I like the "im not a human" narrative a lot better than "there's something wrong with me & that's why I'm like this".

But the truth is I don't know if it's possible to be a non-human in a human body. I wish I could make myself believe it. I'm jealous of people who genuinely believe they're X, whether that's true or not.

I don't have any past life memories or reoccurring dreams of being a non-human. The only phantom limbs I REALLY feel a lot are ears & that could just be vestigial muscles from when humans used to have movable ears. I didn't used to pretend to be an animal or a fairy or whatever.

I feel pretty miserable as me though, I don't recognize myself in mirrors & everything feels wrong physically

(2023-01-30 3:19)Rixem Wrote:  I don't have any past life memories or reoccurring dreams of being a non-human. The only phantom limbs I REALLY feel a lot are ears & that could just be vestigial muscles from when humans used to have movable ears. I didn't used to pretend to be an animal or a fairy or whatever.

I don't have any such either. As I said somewhere else, you don't have to be reincarnated to be Other.
Just need to believe there's something non-physical about us. Call it a soul, the term fits.
Souls are different for different species. Heck, there may even be male & female souls, IDK.
Otherkin means the soul and body don't match. There are ramifications.
But, if the soul was never in a body before, no past memories or phantom limbs, right?

Ever see Pixar's Soul?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soul_(2020_film)

(2023-01-30 4:58)Sedim Haba Wrote:  Ever see Pixar's Soul?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soul_(2020_film)

Never seen it. I'm unsure on the topic of if souls are real.

it's a good movie, much better than the crap hollywood cranks out now.


Ya, there's no scientific evidence.
Many people associate the soul with the Abrahamic religions concept.
But, there's souls in many other cultures and traditions. It's something almost universally human.

I really hate not having a kintype.

If I'm not a human, it should be a reasonable assumption I'm something else. But I kind of don't think I am.
If past lives are real, I can imagine one or more of them may have been as an animal (or non-human if those are real). But I don't have any memories of them.
I don't think I have any behaviors specific to a type of creature. No mental shifts that I don't attribute to mental health.
The only phantom limbs I feel are ears & that could be any creature & may just be vestigial muscles.

But also at the same time I worry if I had a kintype that would be less believable somehow.

IDK, being unsure is better than being wrong.

I mean, I was wrong about Horse. I think. I relate to Horse different now, but still not really sure.

I was TOLD what my kintype was, in a dream. Seemed to click, but maybe confirmation bias?
Dreams hold special significance to me, but in the end it's still just a dream.
I still don't know that much about Shedim/Djinn, but then, nobody does.
Makes it much harder than known types like animals, because they exist in this world.

You are a Seeker, and while that's uncomfortable, it's also exciting. The possibilities are endless.