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*tap tap* This thing on?
Zandra Amara
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Naughty House Nymph
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Post: #21
Re: *tap tap* This thing on?
Honestly, I feel like some of the multiple aspects that I have are pieces of separate souls. One tends to not be related to the other, and at times, I view some of them as possible parts of me from other lives. I am still young in accepting my multiple nature, and I have a few bouncing balls as to the theories behind it. I could just be a crazy person, which I seriously have looked into, as well as a personality that had split from a troubled past. I could be fragments of other beings or souls that formed together to make the current form of me. One could be the main personality, and the others are different aspects of the main. The fae could be an avatar or something acquired since my origins along with the shadow aspects of myself that I identify with. I possibly became vampiric instead of originally having needs as a vampiric being from either leaving my home world or being incarnated in this one. I could be a vampiric being due to my soul being an avatar or form of dark deity or demigod. I feel that there are at least nine aspects or more that I can identify, but I do not feel comfortable with going into many details about each of them at this time. I have wondered if each aspect is attributed to spiritual ideas such as totems or multiple forms of the one being that I have been created from, i.e. form of Kali, who in mythology is viewed with separate aspects herself. Nonetheless, one of the easiest ways for me to identify differences in my aspects is the distinction between sexual nature and preferences. I constantly shift between these aspects, and they can either be gender neutral, asexual, and androgynous; very maculine (with aspects that are of varying sexual preferences among other things), very dark, vampiric, faelike, soldier, and trickster sides; or the not so girly feminine sides that range from a dark Goddess, vampiric, healer/mediator/witch (which you tend to know as Zandra), noblewoman, rebellious warrior, to bitch/dyke, and the Fae. To make things more complex, the fae aspect has multiple forms of her own and confuses me at times to think there is more than one fae in here. I have some pretty beasty forms and others that seem more in spirit and thought presence. I could have originally been something else that transformed into a different form such as a Valkyrie warrior brought back as a horny nymph zombie, but that still seems too simple to display all aspects of me within that thought. To my knowledge, I've always been vampiric and fae during this life and have been for many lives. I haven't ever felt entirely human, and I get teased enough that I am not.

I know this is not a cohesive piece from my mind but more splooge that emitted as I contemplate the possibilities between the differences that are very real to me in my personas. I tend to be seen as a conundrum unless someone is only alloted one picture of the whole. I have a headache from thinking of this mess and may come back to it at a later time to make more sense out of it. To me, it's a complex process in figuring this out because living it is complex as is. It makes life complicated to say the least because everyone up here has their own preferences, choices, and likes/dislikes that tend to clash with each other. It is hard to make a decision to say the least, and some of the aspects are indecisive on their own by wanting to weigh all pros and cons before proceeding anyway on many subjects. Nonetheless, huge parts of me are spontaneous and jump in where they may, which can also cause complications for other aspects. I am not very routine friendly, and many people, especially those close to me, consider me chaotic even though I don't tend to consider myself as such. I struggled to find order at a young age and have had much torn apart since. It has taken me years thus to get this far in deciphering between my aspects, and I hope to continue to grow in understanding them. I'm posting this now before I add more that might not make sense.
2008-03-31 23:41
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