Hide background
READ THIS!

Welcome to the Otherkinphenomena forum.

You really have to follow these instructions! Instructions will update as you progress.

If you wish to post on, or access most of the content of our forum and our community, please click here to register first, then follow the instructions below. If you have already registered, please log in, in the above "Hello There, Guest!" box.

Thanks for understanding and see you around.



Post Reply 
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
struggling with beauty
Chordal
Member is Offline
Eager beaver
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 452
Points: 2662.00
Contribution: tick tick tick 

Post: #1
struggling with beauty
I figured I would write about this...I'm not sure whether to put it here in the Demon section, under the Religion subforum, or under the Supernatural Abilities subforum (though I'd argue that this is not supernatural, even though it may involve Deities and messages).

The other night...I was writing here and mentioned blue topaz and sapphires. It seemed odd, that both of these gems would be blue, but it didn't feel right to replace "sapphire" with "ruby" or anything else, so I left it.

This in turn led me to think of a person I've spoken with online, who makes custom religious jewelry. A long time ago I really wanted an Earth pentagram with a star sapphire in the center, from him (though I question the integrity of thought behind using a point-down pentagram, at this time). This was when I was still into Satanism (well, moreso into Satanism)...there were a subsection of us who saw deep blue to be more in line with the being behind the name "Satan," than the traditional red. This was associated with the morning and evening star, Lucifer -- or Venus.

Of course if you read the Origin of Satan, Elaine Pagels will tell you fairly quickly that the name Lucifer was actually the name of a Christian cleric whom another Christian cleric wanted to demonize, so he connected the title "Satan" with the name, "Lucifer"...and it stuck.

But yes...Luciferianism. I'm not too deep into that, though I ...given this, question why, a bit now. But. Not the point.

The other night, while trying to get to sleep -- which is typically a period of high brain activity for me -- I was thinking on the star sapphire and ran across the name of a certain star, in my thoughts. What I found...is that an alternate form of this name (with close meaning) is the name of an ancient Mesopotamian ruler who was known for his religious tolerance, though he worshipped pre-Zoroastrian deities...like Bel, who are presently demonized in many Western cultures, and now viewed as Demons from within those cultures.

What is striking about this to me is that every time I've recently tried to find a name which figures in the concept of dawn/dusk, or twilight, I at first find a name like that. And then I find a name very close to it which is solar in character. I've not seen myself to be quite solar before, but I keep being led back to this, as though it's a message.

The obvious question in my mind is whether...this name was given to me by an ancient Mesopotamian Deity, or a more recent one. Just, quietly and gently...unobtrusively. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> The reason I question this is that, when figuring out how I wanted to say and spell this name as it applied to myself, I unintentionally -- but within one letter -- hit upon a name that a friend had also arrived at, but had not mentioned. I didn't realize this until the person told me (after I'd told them of my name choice). Their name means something different, but this seemed sufficiently odd that it merited a forum posting. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

Do you think that this is a hint, maybe? I'm not certain of...if it applies to my choice of vocation...I am finding Library work to be much more stressful than I thought it would be, and I am considering dropping out of the program. This has led me to wonder about other ways of making a living. Jeweling is one of those ways. ...This concept arrives because of my having some knowledge of the (said) metaphysical properties of stones...but jewelry is not...a necessary thing. And as I've said, it's labor-intensive...and for artisan jewelers, as I would be -- there's a lot of driving involved, to get to fairs and farmers' markets and flea markets to sell, and to conventions, to buy materials at discounted rates. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> But the best jewelry, I find, is that purchased from, given, or created by people who do what they love.

...There's something about bringing objects of beauty into the world that never before existed, even despite all the hardships, that I find quite...I don't know what the word is. It's satisfying. But then I have to give them away, you know? <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> Even though I know they may be loved to death; I've only started taking photos of them recently.

There was someplace around here where I was talking about calling myself a "demon jeweler"...for the life of me I can't remember where it was now, though. <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink -->

I just kind of wonder about this stuff.
2012-10-07 5:41
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
lemur
Member is Offline
Copy cat
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 232
Points: 1260.00
Contribution: tick 

Post: #2
Re: struggling with beauty
I'm always one who thinks that it's good to question everything before believing in it - so this isn't meant to sound harsh, just to get you thinking.

I don't know if that name was necessarily given to you by any deities, or if it's at all related to your 'kinness. I mean, it can be, but it could also be your subconscious trying to push you into thinking about your present situation. You say that library work is making you unhappy, and that being a jeweller would be more fulfilling to you, so your mind could be trying to get you to pay attention to the fact that you want to change careers. If the colour blue makes you think of something (example, if it makes you think of your spiritual path and reminds you of freedom and feeling like you've got a purpose) then it might be why your mind is thinking of it.

As to the claims in the book you've mentioned, I'm not sure if that's very reliable. What sources does she cite for that, do you know? The explanation I've always encountered is the fact that Lucifer (the Roman deity) was the "morning star" and Bible passages using the phrase "morning star" eventually being interpreted as being about Satan, thus Satan = morning star = Lucifer. From what I've always understood, too, this is probably a later notion and is now sometimes considered more of a "folk" association that eventually caught on. I've also heard the connection (usually in the compared mythology field) between Satan's rebellion, and Prometheus stealing the fire for humans, which could also explain (or be explained by) the literal meaning of Lucifer which is light bearer/bringer.

But yeah, maybe you should become a jeweller if your don't like your current job and if you like creating objects. ^.^
2012-10-08 23:23
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
Chordal
Member is Offline
Eager beaver
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 452
Points: 2662.00
Contribution: tick tick tick 

Post: #3
Re: struggling with beauty
lemur Wrote:As to the claims in the book you've mentioned, I'm not sure if that's very reliable. What sources does she cite for that, do you know? The explanation I've always encountered is the fact that Lucifer (the Roman deity) was the "morning star" and Bible passages using the phrase "morning star" eventually being interpreted as being about Satan, thus Satan = morning star = Lucifer. From what I've always understood, too, this is probably a later notion and is now sometimes considered more of a "folk" association that eventually caught on. I've also heard the connection (usually in the compared mythology field) between Satan's rebellion, and Prometheus stealing the fire for humans, which could also explain (or be explained by) the literal meaning of Lucifer which is light bearer/bringer.
I just checked the index of that book, and the one mention of "Lucifer" which I found didn't have to do with what I said it did. ^_^;; I probably read it somewhere else and then my memories got mixed up. As it is, I don't even know how far I've read in that book because apparently I wasn't keeping tabs on it... *sighs*

...I should get some rest, but I will come back to this when I have time.
2012-10-09 5:01
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
Chordal
Member is Offline
Eager beaver
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 452
Points: 2662.00
Contribution: tick tick tick 

Post: #4
Re: struggling with beauty
Hiiii lemur <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

As it is, I'm kind of torn on the name issue, though I've heard that this is normal. I also seem to have this idiosyncratic way of looking at spiritual things which leads me to call things by names that others don't use. It probably has to do with isolation; like before I actually knew a lot of women, I was unsure as to whether I was a woman or not, but then I actually got to know some women, and it wasn't until I hit that point that I could realize, intuitively, that I wasn't one.

For all I know the 'kin thing could be an inner-universe type thing (haha "Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex" reference) and the beings I sense around me are part of that inner universe. I think as much is said for a variant of Buddhism that I read about a very long time ago, which specific name, I cannot recall now. I know it must be in some way connected with Pure Land Buddhism, because the concept is used there: the Buddha Amitabha (Japanese: Amida) is said to have created a "pure land" when he was enlightened, which others could be born into. If I have time, I could try and look it up; but as things are now...it's looking pretty bad where my studies are concerned, so I'm not sure I'll have quite *that* much time! (I've been studying all day today, so I'm taking a break, now.)

But yeah...what I've seen as Satanism and Demonolatry...what I'm talking about may only tangentially touch on what others think about Satanism and Demonolatry. I'm not entirely certain, because in Satanism, there are so many mentally unstable people, and hateful people, that I tend to leave when the ones who glorify, "Evil," show up, as I don't like people who are hostile to me (and others) for nothing I (or they) have done. Now, I don't intend to imply that *I'm* all that mentally stable <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue --> , but the fact of the matter is that the religion draws a lot of us...I'm just one who takes measures so as not to gratuitously harm others, because gratuitously harming others isn't a good survival (or self-care) tactic.

Demonolatry seems somewhat different, but I still question why refer to the Deities as "Demons," why not refer to them as Gods and Goddesses or Deities and shed the Christian propaganda? So, I mean, a portion of this is always subjective, right? And as much as I don't believe that objectivity is even possible, there is such a thing as *well-informed subjectivity,* where it's not just you thinking to yourself and branching off into your own world -- where words mean one thing to you and an entirely different thing to everyone else.

I'm thinking that if I do ever go the Demonolatry route, it's probably going to tend more towards some form of Mesopotamian Reconstructionism, though likely with some Demon input (as some Demons, like Flereous, are recently perceived entities, even though I do not have reason to doubt their existence). Same deities, less...rage. And I'll know that the Deities are related to as Demons by most, however, that shouldn't stop me. Kind of like how I'm not really stopped by others who say that Deities and spirits are not real...because I've had direct contact with beings I've perceived as spirits, whether their source was from within me or without. It's just a given that some people won't be able to perceive the same things; I know this because of my experience with psychoactive medication...brain chemistry does effect what you perceive and don't, and what you take to be real and what you dismiss.

Sometimes our personal realities just don't intersect, and that's fine. The problem only really comes in when people say, "no, MY reality is the *real one*, and YOURS is false, and you need to change the way you think because I'm right and you're not." Then we get into interpersonal troubles, which is basically ...a waste of time. I can't make my reality cease to exist because someone else disagrees with it. I'm not saying that no mediation should take place, because sometimes I actually am wrong. And sometimes other people actually are wrong. But this can be done -- coming to a working center can be done -- without one person invalidating the other's experiences...because we're all fallible, and maybe the person that thinks someone else is wrong, is themselves mistaken. No amount of trying to force someone else to take on one's own views, is going to fundamentally alter the other person's inner experience. Core experience can be fought, but not necessarily changed. I can fight being a man. But if I am a man, no amount of fighting will ever be productive, because I'll still be a man -- just, a man in denial.

Prior to a few months ago, I had been basically not giving the otherkin thing any thought, as well. But I'm a person who believes that it's just as valid to be human and not identify with those who do identify as human, as it is to be human and identify with that same group. It's probably just my sociology training peeking back in...

In sociology it's taken as a given that in a society, everyone is constrained by power structures outside of their control, but that doesn't mean that they're of necessity forced into the role that those also in the same structure, believe they essentially *are* and should be. The following isn't something that I heard directly in my classes, but it's something which could be derived from what little training I did have: being predictable and acting as one "should," reinforces the existing power structure. It keeps one safe, but it can also warp one's experience of oneself so that one doesn't feel themselves to be themselves at all, anymore -- and that decreases chances of survival. There are loopholes in the rules, though. Exploiting the loopholes is called "agency", and it's what I think most people in the 'kin community are doing. In addition to many in the Pagan and alternative religious scenes. And those in the transgender and genderqueer scenes, definitely. All these statuses make us more vulnerable, but sometimes, it's not worth it to resist, when we look at how our lives are so much richer living outside of the margins, and being -- in some way -- who we were meant to be.

I should say that I was only in lower-division Sociology; I tried to major in it, but it was too depressing. <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue --> Also, there was little-to-no emphasis on any subculture; it was all how the majority got to be the majority, and I was so far outside of the majority that it had little contact with my world.

lemur Wrote:I don't know if that name was necessarily given to you by any deities, or if it's at all related to your 'kinness. I mean, it can be, but it could also be your subconscious trying to push you into thinking about your present situation. You say that library work is making you unhappy, and that being a jeweller would be more fulfilling to you, so your mind could be trying to get you to pay attention to the fact that you want to change careers.

Well, it's a nice *idea* to be a jeweler. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> It's definitely a path I could take; and it's a path I'm keeping open. The major problem is, my own ethics and lack of valuation of my skills may lead me to undersell my work, and in that case it would likely be a semi-impoverished life -- given that I'd need to pay my own health insurance. I think that also with the jewelry, there is a...it isn't just about color, in glass and lead crystal. There are "energies" of stones, as irritating as the term "energy" may be, given its ubiquitous and ill-defined flavor. Glass doesn't have this energy, unless it's hand-worked. Lead crystal doesn't have this energy. Stones, though -- are a different matter. I have a tendency in particular to be attracted to those stones which do not look like glass or crystal (as a generic example, think of turquoise; more specialized ones may be pyrite, one of the jaspers, or charoite) though that's an aside. It just seems more efficient and more professional to have the capability to set these stones in metalwork, than to try and integrate them into woven beadwork -- which by its nature is temporal and fragile.

I'm not certain the "energies" I'm speaking about actually exist outside of our minds (because I can't recall ever having actually *been* "outside of my mind" <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue --> [which touches on another mystery]), but at least when they are believed in, there is actually a subconscious intent that goes along with carrying a stone or wearing a stone that has some kind of personal resonance with you. At the least, it can remind you of something important to you -- like the star sapphire in the center of the pentacle did with me. Ideally, it would be a natural sapphire...but I can see that I'd have to save up for that. <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink --> And then there is the question of if I'd even wear it or show it to anyone, or if it will just be a treasure that I wear off-work hours (which would be a necessity as a government employee, anyway).

Natural materials, in my experience, are in an entirely different ballpark than man-made ones. At least with most stones (things like obsidian, pumice, and tuff notwithstanding) you're dealing with something much older than yourself...created by natural processes. I suppose it's understandable that people attach such significance to them, given that it must be a special moment to even *find* a loose, non-massive crystal. ("Massive" means that the crystals formed and fused in a matrix with each other, as with marble.) There's a lot of mystery to the Earth and its processes. I'm not convinced that the current model of the planet will be the final accurate one, or that current science is entirely correct when it comes to things like the mind. So I have some doubt about these things...and doubt opens the door to other possibilities, as you know. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

lemur Wrote:If the colour blue makes you think of something (example, if it makes you think of your spiritual path and reminds you of freedom and feeling like you've got a purpose) then it might be why your mind is thinking of it.

A star affixed in the color blue goes way back in my history. One of the sayings that I had when I was younger is that you can only see the stars in darkness. Well, besides the Sun, that is. <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink --> In daylight, we're blinded to what surrounds us, but at night, our vision as to our place in the universe is much greater.

lemur Wrote:But yeah, maybe you should become a jeweller if your don't like your current job and if you like creating objects. ^.^

Heh -- we'll see where my path leads me. Right now I have writer, editor, information specialist, and jeweler as possible future paths for myself. What I don't want is for my life to be taken over by an endeavor which is stressful and not enjoyable to me. Right now, dealing with the public is stressful, and though I do get some satisfaction out of actually being able to help people, it's frightening to be *forced* to help people I'm afraid of. I don't see my stress decreasing in the near future, as I've never been a person who thrives in social groups. Gender transition could change this...it's possible my stress could decrease once the way I'm seen by others, matches who I feel myself to be, so that, you know, non-trans men stop flirting with me and all this. But yes, that's...something I don't even like to talk about.
2012-10-13 2:51
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
Chordal
Member is Offline
Eager beaver
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 452
Points: 2662.00
Contribution: tick tick tick 

Post: #5
Re: struggling with beauty
Hey, hi <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

I'm supposed to be working on my schoolwork, but I can't make my brain think (at least not linearly) very well right now, so I decided to write a little here. Like maybe it'll help my brain write, or something.

Update on the jewelry thing and the status of my career path: I'm about to be liberated from this semester in 9 or so days (and do not have to go back) and just have to try not to drown between now and then. I have a term paper which is 15 pgs., though probably most of the work of that is reading and trying to figure out what I'm going to write about. You can see that I have no problem going on and on when I'm actually interested. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> 15 pgs. is about 7.5 pgs. single-spaced, which is easy. Trying to find something I care enough about, and know enough about, to go on for that long, is harder. I'm thinking of doing the paper on intellectual freedom as versus attempts at censorship -- this has really struck home for me because of the lack of LGBT-themed materials at my library, which amounts largely to a priori censorship.

But yes, tired of this. Fricking library.

So I'm hoping to aim my career path in a direction which is more creative in nature. I'm not sure if I mentioned...the medication I'm on, I experience it as partially inhibiting my creative ability in some cases -- particularly verbally. My color and aesthetic senses are untouched (leaving jewelry wide open as a field), but it's harder to write. I'm really happy I'm about to be out of this program for now, though. I'll be able to get back to reading and writing and making things. (Big Grin) Um. Yes. Making jewelry is not really a thing you have to be able to string a sentence together to do well. (Selling, on the other hand...)

One of the things I wanted to write about...I was thinking of posting in this thread about taking what I know of right now as regards my own spirituality and weaving it into something personal to me. Like continuing to learn about the Eastern and South Asian religion stuff but not taking it too rigidly, and taking the spirit contact into consideration, and taking into consideration things like the significance of the star sapphire, without necessarily being bound by external definitions of what it's "supposed" to mean. Or being bound, necessarily, by external definitions of who it is I'm supposedly contacting.

Of course, this requires gathering in and putting definition to what actually is significant to me, but it should end up a lot better than taking on someone else's belief system and calling it mine. *^_^* But the task of gathering what's significant to me will probably be a really great and fun project, even if it's going to start off as being difficult (especially as I've not been studying spirituality, philosophy, or religion for this last semester). And you know, hey! Maybe it will help clarify to me who and how exactly I am. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> I've had to do something similar with the gender aspect, and I feel like I'm really off on a good foot there.

I should probably try and fill in this form for school. But thanks for listening to me. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->
2012-12-02 2:16
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
Chordal
Member is Offline
Eager beaver
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 452
Points: 2662.00
Contribution: tick tick tick 

Post: #6
Re: struggling with beauty
Chordal Wrote:
lemur Wrote:If the colour blue makes you think of something (example, if it makes you think of your spiritual path and reminds you of freedom and feeling like you've got a purpose) then it might be why your mind is thinking of it.

A star affixed in the color blue goes way back in my history. One of the sayings that I had when I was younger is that you can only see the stars in darkness. Well, besides the Sun, that is. <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink --> In daylight, we're blinded to what surrounds us, but at night, our vision as to our place in the universe is much greater.

I just ran across this posting again and another parallel came to me; that daytime reflects Earth life; nighttime gives a cosmic view. Day is warm; night is cold. Just a note...

Chordal Wrote:
lemur Wrote:But yeah, maybe you should become a jeweller if your don't like your current job and if you like creating objects. ^.^

Heh -- we'll see where my path leads me. Right now I have writer, editor, information specialist, and jeweler as possible future paths for myself.

So I'm set up to take a class in metalworking, starting soon. Hopefully it'll be as safe as it can be...
2012-12-31 5:28
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
Chordal
Member is Offline
Eager beaver
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 452
Points: 2662.00
Contribution: tick tick tick 

Post: #7
Re: struggling with beauty
I gave in to the beauty and it is gooood. ;D

Metalsmithing is, so far, much more happy-making for me than Library school! This is a good sign...
2013-01-20 6:44
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
Chordal
Member is Offline
Eager beaver
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 452
Points: 2662.00
Contribution: tick tick tick 

Post: #8
Re: struggling with beauty
Chordal Wrote:What is striking about this to me is that every time I've recently tried to find a name which figures in the concept of dawn/dusk, or twilight, I at first find a name like that. And then I find a name very close to it which is solar in character. I've not seen myself to be quite solar before, but I keep being led back to this, as though it's a message.
I should really be studying right now ^_^; but I thought I'd add a bit to this thread. Apparently...from my reading in a book on Five Elements acupuncture, which -- given -- doesn't seem to be that well-researched when it comes to the religious side of things; I have a Fire type adaptive style. This was the first time that I'd really seen myself in any way linked with the element of Fire, but it makes sense if I look at one of my prior selves' appearances.

His appearance was so close to the description of a Fire elemental Demon I ran across, that for a time (until I actually ran across the Fire elemental Demon), I thought they might have been the same spirit. But, he isn't. However, the encounter has caused me to wonder if everyone has their own pantheon of spirits...just that the one I mistook my own spirit for was someone else's specific Fire elemental, and my own spirit was *my* Fire elemental.

I should get going now...
2013-08-26 1:42
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
Chordal
Member is Offline
Eager beaver
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 452
Points: 2662.00
Contribution: tick tick tick 

Post: #9
Re: struggling with beauty
Hello! <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

I thought I'd update this. Career plans are still uncertain. However, I'm looking at Web Design & Production with a side of craft jewelry, at the moment. Basically, the term "craft jewelry" encompasses what I at least *think* I want to do from here -- beading, embroidery, macrame, wirework; though all that bridges into sewing and other wearable art (I'm thinking of garments...and, partially, quilting, though that's more of a "home decor" thing). I was in the metalworking class for 2 semesters before I stopped going. This is basically because of concern over my own personal safety, and a lack of confidence in the instructor.

I've scoped out several local places to learn silversmithing -- most of them, private lessons -- but they are fairly expensive. I've accumulated a lot of the tools I'd need to work metal over the past couple of years, so if I did want to work with that, I'm sure I could. However, there are hazards that go along with hot metalwork, and I'm not certain that the amount of pay (moderate to low) is really worth the risk.

I have realized, however, that should I want to make a silver pendant with a star sapphire, I have the skills to do that, now. And actually, I'm thinking about doing it. I'm just not certain I actually want a pentacle, if I design everything from scratch -- I can easily make something less recognizable. I've often felt vulnerable when wearing a pentacle, but it also would work with either Paganism or Taoism. I hesitate to make a symbol with which I felt I had to be occupying a certain mental space to be comfortable wearing, though. Plus, materialism does seem to sell religion to a certain extent, and I'm not sure I agree with that.

I've found that I really enjoy working with color moreso than working with metal...meaning that seed beads and certain other glasses (like dichroic and borosilicate) are a big draw for me, both from a pricing standpoint and from a versatility standpoint. I would have a hard time justifying a fair price on items made from these, however, given that glass is such a common material and given that a lot of what I make is design-and-labor-intensive. There has been talk of raising minimum wage rates to $10/hour in my area, and at that rate, and with the level of technology I'm working with in manufacturing (this is all hand-done), I'm looking at being priced out of the market by imports or hobbyists (the latter of which I currently am, as well). That is, the price-per-unit produced is too high for what I've done, so far. There are also copyright issues in my country which seem to restrict output to entirely original designs, which is not a place I'm ready to occupy, at the moment.

Because of this, I have needed to expand my sights a bit. But I also need to speak with at least an academic advisor, if not instructional staff, about how to go about earning a Web Design degree, should I want it...I've heard that things are unstable, there.

I've wanted to speak about ...I'm not sure if it would just be, "creative process for someone who can't help it," or what... and haven't been sure where online I should put this. I would put it on my craft blog, but no one knows about my craft blog, and I'm not sure I *want* people to know about it, considering some of the interactions I've had online which really made me thankful for anonymity (as I basically don't have with my blog host, or would never be able to have, should I later link anything written under that account to, say, my Facebook account or other Web 2.0 accounts).

Forums feel a bit safer, because at least the content within may not be indexed by search engines. I've heard about Tumblr for its anonymity, but also I've heard that things can get a bit dicey over there. Basically what I want is to be able to talk to people about creative things without having to deal with abuses of the system (like people targeting and harassing me for who-knows-what reason, if it even has to do with me at all [it usually doesn't, but that doesn't mean dealing with is pleasant]), but unfortunately I don't think that's possible on the Web.

But anyhow...

I rarely write anything about my Otherkin status, do I? This is largely for the reason that I'm not sure that spirits have "species", metaphysically speaking; but also I do recognize that there are some who identify as nonhuman and that this is just as valid a conclusion as identifying as human (given that "human" as we're speaking of it is a social construct, same as "otherkin"...no one gets to tell anyone else what social construct they have to identify with). Well, plus, it can be kind of scary to go sifting through my mind for signs of non-humanity, as I have a tendency to lead myself into nightmare corners (my tendency to psychic pain, suspended-disbelief, and grandiose thought shows). At this point, it's granted that whatever I am is likely hard-wired and isn't going to change. What changes is just the way in which I understand myself.

I've been a creative, indecisive, fluid, sensitive, gender-nonconforming, quiet, person my entire life. Whatever I am, at this point, is just going to continue into the future, at least for the rest of this one life, as it does seem to be hard-wired. I don't believe in reincarnation the same way as I once did; I seem to be shedding my conditioning acquired when learning of Buddhism, largely because of rejecting the "law" of karma as a social control mechanism. And embracing the idea that "life" can be good. What I know at this point is that "now" exists, and I have a feeling that "now" will continue to exist after this body dies. Either that, or it won't, and then I have nothing at all to worry about, do I? I just go into a state between being and nonbeing, a.k.a. the undifferentiated, a.k.a. Void, which is where I came from in the first place. I mean, it makes no sense to be worried about eternally experiencing nonbeing, you know? <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue --> Because if you can experience nonbeing, you therefore *are*. It makes no sense to worry about "eternity" when "time" does not exist.

But I really should get back to reading my Taoist texts...I don't even know if what I'm saying is said to be true, there.

I started this post thinking about fiber arts...particularly embroidery. And embroidery goes with sewing. And I've been wondering if I've been interested in this out of a desire to conform...but at this point, I don't think that's the case. Let me embroider some, and get back to you. <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink -->

It's just so...not-great that because of my country's economy, it's difficult to make a living as a manufacturer of handmade items. It is nice that we have the wealth and efficiency to be able to have leisure time, but still...

*sighs* I've been in Microeconomics this semester, can you tell? <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue -->
2014-05-15 4:29
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
Post Reply 


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)