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partners and headmates
niku
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Post: #1
partners and headmates
How do people you care about react to the others?

I know this shouldn't bother me, but Keir's lover is not fond of me at all. I don't love him the way Keir does, but he's important to me.

- Zach
2008-02-04 15:28
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Deros
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Post: #2
Re: partners and headmates
Kraela is pure malice, as far as I can see. But along with that, she also has a serpent's tongue, so people tend to prefer talking to her than talking to me. Yriela is even less vocal than me, and barely thinks out of the box, much less speak. Slyzaar is a charmer, but he's a little bit more obvious about it than Kraela, and he loses his temper more often. But mostly it's just me speaking, and everyone else is fine with that (except that Kraela has some people that she enjoys speaking with that I can't stand, and I'm fine with that, too).

EDIT: People that I care about...well, mostly, we're all coming from the same intelligence source, and we all have to bend down to the same intelligence of the general population, and my voice doesn't exactly change (one of the more stupid parts of cartoon mind-switching), so it's difficult for anyone to tell the difference.

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I would have learned a lot from life if I hadn't spent most of my time being educated.
2008-02-04 17:48
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Shade
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Post: #3
Re: partners and headmates
My best friend had a walk in, years ago. It resulted in me leaving him... *deep breath* Bluntly, I hated it. I hated it so much. The walk-in spirit (who does, unfortunatly, have a name, but one I refuse to ever say), said some very nasty and personally insulting things to me, things I would never stand for anyone to say and not pay for. I let him do it. He was in my friend's body...and my friend was fighting so hard...How do I fight the spirit if it will just end up hurting the person I care most about? Maybe that was why the spirit saw that opporitunity to attack me, because of the safety principals I had. I reacted...not kindly, though as much as I could. Mostly, I set my teeth and took the guy's craven attempt at ungrounding me. I think I had a non-existant tolerance level for that because recently (at that time), it had happened to me in a way, and I was still recovering from it.

I know I'm not a multiple (and this situation is slightly different), but you wanted to know how loved ones reacted. And dear god, I loved him; I loathed the walk-in.

*snorts* My small advice, though? Don't make them angry, and don't attack them. The above situation is not good for anyone, especially if you have a coward like me for a best friend.


As a note to my friend who has access here...Now you really know how I feel about him. And don't make me talk about him, please.

“To his friends a man shall always remain a friend,
And return gift for gift;
Laughter for laughter let him return
And falsehood for lies.”
–Hávamál
2008-02-04 21:44
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misha tia
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Post: #4
Re: partners and headmates
I've been there. well kinda. My ex and second most common personality (around 4 years ago) Despised each other, although in fairness I (we're one now) started it. The personality, I thought, primary at the time (hey we all live and learn) was really upset by it. (I suspect a far more complicated past between us was some of the root) Unfortunately, I just figured it's like interacting with other people, not everyone gets along. But Zach, if you are upset by this you need to find the source of dislike from Keir's lover and resolve it. Open communication helps most things.

"If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called Research." -A. Einstein
2008-02-04 21:46
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Xanthus
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Post: #5
Re: partners and headmates
Shade Wrote:My best friend had a walk in, years ago. It resulted in me leaving him... *deep breath* Bluntly, I hated it. I hated it so much. The walk-in spirit (who does, unfortunatly, have a name, but one I refuse to ever say), said some very nasty and personally insulting things to me, things I would never stand for anyone to say and not pay for.
Sounds like we've had some very similar past experience here. The walk-in for my friend originated as a "walk-around" (term made up on the spot, sue me), and eventually completely merged with my friend, who, needless to say, is no longer my friend. That was an INTERESTING few years. I mean interesting in terms of the chinese curse "may you lead an interesting life." <!-- sSad --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt=":(" title="Sad" /><!-- sSad -->

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LONG LIVE THE COMMUNITY!!!
2008-02-04 22:04
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Shade
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Post: #6
Re: partners and headmates
Xanthus: It's a hard thing to go through. Any identity crisis is, when they're close to you. I don't know if anything like that happened to my friend. (merging, that is) We don't talk about it. It's a pretty bad topic to get into. It must have been a difficult few years for you. I am taking this topic completely from the side of the observer, but I have no other way to take it, I think.

“To his friends a man shall always remain a friend,
And return gift for gift;
Laughter for laughter let him return
And falsehood for lies.”
–Hávamál
2008-02-05 0:11
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Miniar
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Post: #7
Re: partners and headmates
A little insight from a person who isn't a multiple but has been involved with a two-person system...

The problem isn't "really" that the partner doesn't like the other headmates, or that there's jealousy. At least not in my experience. Nor is it the simple fact that the partner isn't always around.
It's the "fact" that there's always a chance, no matter how small it is, that the person you want to be with could be pushed aside so that the other can "front". That you might fall asleep next to X and wake up next to Y. It's a little hard to deal with and requires a lot of trust and understanding between All the involved people.
When you date a single person you can even tell them that you respect their rights to their friends but that you don't want to socialize with this one or that one because you just don't get along well with them. (You can never get along swimmingly with "everyone".) With multiples that's not really all that much of an option. The headmate can be "blocked" but, but no one can care about you and Still ask you to evict your headmates. And thus, it'll always be "there".
It's like dating a person who's one of siamies twins, triplets or more.
It's hard, but it can be done, with the right person. As long as everyone in the system is understanding and the partner is understanding of the system. Every relationship has it's problems and challenges, there are no exceptions.
Patience, honesty, respect and trust are the cornerstones.

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"Those who can't approach discussion with a basic level of intelligence and maturity shouldn't expect to be taken seriously." ~ Qualia Soup
2008-02-05 13:20
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Malakoi
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Post: #8
Re: partners and headmates
When Puck and Iago were still here, well, the only thing we had in common was our body and we somehow managed to compromise in our wardrobe. We hung out with different people (or tried to) depending on who was fronting and couldn't even really consider involved relationships.

That's why they left me to my own devices. =]

Edit: There's an interesting book I read called First Person Plural about a pair of twins who shared the same body but had two heads and definitely two minds. One of the twins was into sports and so they played football. He was also straight so they dated girls. Then the other twin realized he was gay. That's when things started to get really interesting.
I recommend it to anyone trying to work things out with headmates.

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2008-02-07 19:36
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Archer
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Post: #9
Re: partners and headmates
My other half and I have what I would say a complex relationship, to say the least.

First off, very few friends of mine know he exists. Yes, I mention him on otherkin boards - but I rarely mention his name or any details about him. He and I are intensely private, and that he exists in here is pretty much the most personal thing there is about me.

So, I simply don't have the issue of other people (eg romantic partners) not liking him. What I do occassionally have is the issue of him not liking other people. There have been a number of times where I was involved (sometimes romantically, sometimes not) with someone and my other half set off "DANGER DANGER!!!" alarms. He simply detested the guy. Sometimes I thought it was simple jealousy, sometimes I thought it was him being perceptive to things I wasn't - but I think in every case where this happened, either I realised the other party was in fact an asshole in some way, or we drifted apart.

The most obvious case involved an old mentor of mine - I was very close to him and absolutely idolised him. He in turn was very fond of me and quite literally saved my life during times when I was in a very bad place. My other half, though, hated him to the extent that he didn't even like me talking to him on IRC - he would sometimes force-front himself (which has never, ever happened in any other situation) so that I couldn't speak at all, and would always be watching to make sure we weren't "alone". Anyway, over time I realised that while this mentor of mine didn't have any sinister motives as such, he was himself an incredibly broken person who it was very unhealthy of me to look up to in the way I did. I'm glad my other half kept an eye out, as I am not entirely sure how things would have turned out otherwise.

Conversely, with romantic partners, if my other half has a dislike of someone it's pretty much impossible for me to still be involved - his likes and dislikes can create feeling almost identical to my own so I find it hard sometimes to know what's his opinion and what's mine. With totally casual/fling things he has been known to give two thumbs up for someone he likes - with anything more serious he is inevitably just . . . gone. Although on some levels there is no distinction between him and me and we are often co-conscious, he also is very respecting of my own privacy. As such whether or not a partner would get on with him is a non-issue (at least, it always has been - who knows about the future) because he wouldn't and doesn't intrude on any time I have with a serious partner anyway.

As I said, it's a complex relationship, heh.

Ubi Dubium, Ibi Libertas

Quote:"I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood."

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2008-02-11 0:32
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Miniar
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Post: #10
Re: partners and headmates
Archer Wrote:his likes and dislikes can create feeling almost identical to my own so I find it hard sometimes to know what's his opinion and what's mine.
This is something I've seen with multiples before.
That the line between one's thoughts and ideas can sometimes blur.
Some multiples have access to each other's memories and such to a great extent too.

This is another reason why dating a multiple can be scary...

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"Those who can't approach discussion with a basic level of intelligence and maturity shouldn't expect to be taken seriously." ~ Qualia Soup
2008-02-11 18:05
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