I hope I'm not violating some covenant by posting this here...my computer almost lost this draft.
I'm posting this here instead of over on my regular blog host in a community because...well, last time I came out as having things to do with (possibly) demons, I got people randomly attacking me both there and on other areas of the 'net...of course, though, I wasn't too together at that time, either.
Recently I've been recalling something that happened a very long time ago. Someone on a Pagan/magic forum essentially told me that I was psychic -- I didn't have DID/MPD; I was psychic. I wasn't ready for the information at the time (having been scared off and on by the concept that the spirit world I sensed, which was not all the time safe, could have been objectively real), and I really was not in the right life phase to take that well (I believe I was a very young adult at the time), so I left the forum.
Then there was the person who -- I don't know if I've mentioned this tripe here yet -- ran a psychic forum and did a long-distance scan on me without my knowledge or permission, and emailed me back with YOU HAVE A DEMON GET RID OF HIM BEFORE YOU POST AGAIN, to which I was like, psh. I left that forum, too, because if I
did have a demon, at least the demon wasn't telling me what to do with my life, and at least the demon was protecting me from inane people trying to invade my space and my autonomy without my permission.
Anyhow...I've been reading in S. Connolly's
Complete Book of Demonolatry. I haven't been going at it systematically, yet...but two names stick out to me: Unsere and Verrine. Unsere is associated with water, specifically vapor, mist and steam ("Fire transformed Water" -- which I actually had to physically travel through again, the other day, in such a way as I realized what "Fire transformed Water" meant. "Fire" in this case is sunlight, "water" [at least mundanely] what it seems). Unsere is associated with wisdom (which was the main goal I'd been seeking since my early teen years, at the latest), and enlightenment...and in one entry in the book is associated with both Water and Earth; in another entry, Fertility (hence the link with my plants) and Sorcery. Verrine is associated with Water, and also associated with healing (though at two other places in the book also has correspondences with impatience and disobedience...probably because someone was haranguing him. Some of the information in the book does *not* come from Demonolators, after all).
Both of these Demons have both their positive and negative aspects (Verrine's energy can also be directed to a curse of illness, for example) and their own masculine and feminine balance, though Unsere is related to in the feminine, and Verrine in the masculine.
I've got to caution anyone reading this that there is a warning in the book that these demons have to be approached respectfully (that is, not with a Ceremonial Magick mindset), or...no one is responsible for what happens to you but yourself.
Now, I've mentioned before that I tend to see other spirits whom I'm temporarily linked to, as myself -- at least for a period of time. Normally, that period of time is short...which is one of the reasons, coincidentally, that I'm thinking that Adrian is a trauma-split, but at this point, the *only* trauma-split. Now I'm, at this point, uncertain whether Mist, whom I mentioned in the Energy Beings forum, is actually a Water/Air energy who is trying to help me (the Dukante hierarchy, which Unsere is mentioned within, is incomplete; Mr. Dukante died before he completed it), or whether Mist is, in actuality, myself.
I'm not being quick to identify Mist with Unsere...mainly because Mist specifically came off as water/air, to me. Even identifying her with rain and snow, however, was a...stretch. Because it seemed that the spirit was more vapor, mist, and dew. And all of these visualizations have taken place in areas which are, relatively, warm. Even the condensation of mist dripping from the trees at night, which I think of when thinking of Mist -- it couldn't have been below 40 degrees Fahrenheit, and that's a lower-limit stretch.
However -- Mist seems to be in the same "family" as Unsere and Verrine...which I say, not actually having summoned Unsere or Verrine, as per house rules.
I should mention that in the energy of Mist, there is nothing hostile. To me, she is wholly benevolent, she brings happiness and peace. That doesn't mean she can't be a Demon -- one who is not in this book -- a Demon being both or either a source of pure energy, or a being "replete with knowledge" who may take the role of a teacher.
In another place in the book, it's mentioned...
"By honoring and worshiping [the Demons] we are honoring and worshiping ourselves because they are a part of us as we are a part of them. All things are divine. We don't spend our time trying to look into the eyes of our gods. Instead, we work toward looking through the eyes of our Gods." - p. 24, S. Connolly,
The Complete Book of Demonolatry.
I'm thinking that this section of the book (in the Introduction) could hold the key to the puzzle. It does, however, lead me to the point of wondering if Mist is both myself and something separate from myself? The question falls back down to "who am I?" I seem to be most undoubtedly, an open channel. <!-- s

--><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s

--> A conduit. Even Adrian has his links to negative core images (which, by the way, Mist has none of).
I've been searching for my identity, consciously, for about...11 years now? I'm not sure how it is that other people know who they are...could it be that I'm neutral/"dark" (the latter depends on your viewpoint) and sensitive/mediumistic, and that defines who I am more than anything else...?