A note: I do recall the links to the Astral Dynamics website, though I'm looking through my own copy of Bruce's book now. *sighs*
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Chordal Wrote:But in this case it hurt more to force myself not to desire, than it did to desire and then not have physical gratification.
Clipping this from another post which I just addressed.
Alright, so I have finally (FINALLY) finished
Psychic Self-Defense by Dion Fortune. It took some work to get through the last part of the book, and much eye-rolling. But anyhow, I have found some material in there which could help with understanding, despite the religious talk towards the end. (A.k.a. "psychic self-defense [for Christians].")
What I want to address here is the idea that Fortune puts forth, that some illnesses are the result of, basically, having been trained to gain abilities psychically in past lives -- and once reincarnate, the "power" (as she says) stays with you, but the knowledge and training does not. She also put forth an idea about people who had joined Orders in past lives remaining connected to those Orders in the present (via "rapport"), and seeking them out in subsequent lives (or being used by them in subsequent lives).
I've now started
Astral Dynamics by Robert Bruce, in preparation for his
Practical Psychic Self-Defense. I took a look at Michelle Belanger's
Psychic Energy Codex and thought I'd give
Astral Dynamics a try first, as groundwork.
Anyhow. The thing I wanted to address -- I'm still getting these dreams when I oversleep where I'm stuck in one place and can't move. This would seem to correlate to Bruce's "Expanded Energy Body"...which I just leave here as a hint to anyone who might "get" what I'm talking about, because I certainly don't fully know what I'm talking about (I only just began the book). Last time this happened was yesterday, when I can recall being (in-dream) wrapped up in my sheets...only reason I mention that is that it gives a hint as to what is going on, which I probably shouldn't talk about forthrightly.
...anyway. Couldn't move, something went by about my purity, I'm not sure who said it. Ended up arching my back and yelling "Just [darken] me," or something -- the [darken] part is something I'm unclear on; I'm not sure it was an English word. I can recall the meaning but not the syllables. "Taint," "stain," "dye," those work as well.
So like with one of those little Paint fill-buckets, something "touched" me (I didn't feel it) and the upper part of my body darkened a little. I note that in this part of the dream, I was viewing myself from outside. Then, relaxing, I started thinking about being "shadow-touched" and wondering about the similarities. Then I started being concerned about consequences (of course, afterward). I do think, however, that it wasn't really
real, just something to quiet me.
BUT. I'm wondering about the influences of any past-life history going on here that I'm unaware of, which has linked me with a certain number of spirits who...well, for one thing, I seem to have much in common with, and who have been friendly and helpful and accepting to me, but for another thing, are not altogether "shiny happy people." They're various flavors of "misunderstood," sometimes irrevocably misunderstood. <!-- s:? --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_confused.gif" alt=":?" title="Confused" /><!-- s:? --> Sexuality and bondage have been a pretty strong undercurrent in these dreams, as well as with the dark spirit visitor I spoke about elsewhere (sans bondage -- unless thinking for a long while that I was in effect his spiritual "child" is bondage). Also with my relationship with my walk-in -- that's pretty bonded as well (her to him, though this is her body), though he earns his place.
And I made a comment IRL recently which I realized after the fact, could have been taken to mean that I was willing to work without wages and give away my assistance, so long as I could continue doing what I loved to do, and was comfortably supported. (I still have an uncertain relationship with money -- I need enough to live comfortably and do what I want to do, but beyond that, it isn't necessary.) Which...at the very least, points towards an economy not based on money.
I suppose I'm having a moral conflict. I generally don't view myself as submissive -- power conflicts were the reason I (well, the reason Adrian) ended my last relationship. To...heh...not over-speak. <!-- s

--><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s

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But if all these spirits who are assisting or befriending me, in one way or another, are from past lives -- it makes me curious about the past lives. It also makes me curious about what circles I've been traveling in; and if Fortune is accurate, what groups I might be unaware of, but still part of, which could be contributing to my present illness -- whether by my having gained abilities in the past and now lacking means to control them; or by some untoward thing like energy drainage, happening via psychic link.
How
do people do past life recall?
I'm hoping if I continue in my studies, I'll find a solution to being essentially awake and stuck in a sleeping body.
EDIT: I just realized; my thinking I could be a demon could be related to my being an open channel and taking on the identities of others in spirit...