Wings 'n' Things: From a Raven in a Human Suit
(Written a little while ago after a strong ravenish moment at the gym)
Phantom wings are a constant for me. I always have them, it's just that sometimes I really notice them, kind of like noticing your own tongue. It can be while I'm sleeping or when I'm on the bus. It could be right now, when I'm relaxing from a strenuous workout. They're always on my arms and the feathers are kind of itchy. Usually, I feel the need to pull my arms up closer to my sides, because there is supposed to be a tendon connecting my shoulder to my wrist and it would hurt to pull my arms out too far for too long ...
And then I remember "No, you have ARMS now".
It's uncomfortable sometimes, mainly because of not being able to preen the phantom feathers. This is where understanding boyfriends come in handy. After a quick lesson on how to correctly preen a bird's feathers with one's hands, especially feathers that "aren't there", the uncomfortable feeling is remedied.
Phantom beak isn't always as noticeable as feathers and it leads me to sometimes wonder if I even experience one sometimes, and then it pops out as if to say, "Hi! It's me! The phantom beak you can't see or really use! Surprise!" I have not mastered preening phantom feathers with a phantom beak.
The only times I feel human at all are when I don't feel like myself. Otherwise, I feel like a raven wearing a clunky human suit. Drumming is probably the easiest way for me to not feel clunky (oddly enough) as is dancing (even though i tend to be a klutz there as well, but not as much as when I'm just walking).
My ears are still in the spot they should be in, they just get more aware if something piques their interest. I find myself tilting my head towards the sound and trying to look out the side of my head. Of course, I don't have phantom-side eyes, so you can imagine the strain if I try to look out that way. This is usually what gets me into a full on, curious raven mood. Unfortunately, if it is in a place such as the gym, it can end with humorous results as several strangers witness what must look like a pigeon imitation as I try to figure out what made the noise.
I'm sure I can think of more to say later, but as of right now, I'm hungry and contemplating scavenging something ... or making the walk to the library to heat up food at one of their microwaves ... I wish my phantom feathers were visible so I could fluff up and look cute so people would feed me.
Any other fun experiences? Bird or otherwise?