Why are you here?

Less a stating of reasons than open pondering. Please feel free to help one another through this process, becuase sometimes what we think is not always truth. The usual disclaimer: take things with a grain of salt and do NOT be critical of people.

WARNING: very sappy/ emotional stuff here.

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I am not here on a mission, I am not here for some grand purpose. I am not here becuase I'm a hero of heaven and I'm not here to teach.

I am punished.

I'm punished though not as severely as others becuase my crime is not against God directly but against myself. I will explain.

I am on the fence, a neutral. I always have and probably always will be as that is how God made me. My friend and I were discussing it and she thought that being on earth, or being in the middle was my punishment for not being on god's side completely in the holy war. This is somewhat true but the truth is far more inscideous than that. God hasn't punished me for the action of assisting Lucifer, he has not punished me for being in the middle as that is why he made me the way I am. He has punished me for being untrue to my nature. He punished me for trying to change myself to be more like others who, I felt, were better than me. He is punishing me for trying so desperatly to "pick a side" when I was not built for such an action. He as placed me here to learn that though I am different, and though I've hated myself for it in the past I am just as beautiful as the highest angels. I still have major issues with myself. whenever relationships with friends or lovers fail I always feel its becuase I'm unlovable, that it's all my fault for not being a better person. This is something I need to learn from, and I think in his mercy he placed me here, in the perfect neutral area to learn from my mistakes and to learn to love myself and embrace my purpose.

I feel now that it is in my power to help heal long standing wounds. I love fallens, holy angel,s demons, slugs, and everything equally. And I think through me and those like me healing can happen. Still I'm far from being done here, and I will continue to be punished not from God, but from my own lack of confidence in myself if i do not learn that I am from god, therefore I'm beautiful.

At least this is what I currently feel is true. If anyone gets vibes from this as true or false please let me know here or in PM, doesn't matter to me.

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How about you all...why are you really here?

Being true to yourself, that is very important, I am discovering. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_cry.gif" alt=":cry:" title="Crying or Very Sad" /><!-- s --> But as for me, I am here, I believe, because I was running from something. From whom or from where I don't know, just that I needed a secret place, and this was the first thing avaliable. I do wish I knew more because maybe (just maybe) I could make better precautions and defenses.

Shade Wrote:Being true to yourself, that is very important, I am discovering. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_cry.gif" alt=":cry:" title="Crying or Very Sad" /><!-- s --> But as for me, I am here, I believe, because I was running from something. From whom or from where I don't know, just that I needed a secret place, and this was the first thing avaliable. I do wish I knew more because maybe (just maybe) I could make better precautions and defenses.

Maybe part of the reason your here it to learn how to face your fears. If you keep running, without preparing to face whatever it is chasing you, when it catches you, you wont be prepared at all. Maybe if you figure out what it is that's been chasing you, whether and actual entity or some manifestation of fear, you can learn to beat it! <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s -->

That gives me something to think about. *wanders off and thinks a bit*

Shade Wrote:That gives me something to think about. *wanders off and thinks a bit*

*gives you a thinking hat, pillow, blankie, and class of hot chocolate full of thinking* Good luck! Let us know of your progress if you like. Or you know throw some more thoughts at us too. *snuggles*

This message says nothing.

I am here because I left home one day and wasn't allowed to return. I haven't destroyed myself yet because I still hope that I'll prove myself enough to be home again.

Sometimes I feel like I'm here only to figure out why I'm here. Paradoxial, I'm sure.

Because I "didn't agree with the government", so I left (before I got deported). And now I feel much better.

As of right now, I'm here because the slanders against me got so bad that I could not stay in Heaven unless I could live with a lot of discomfort -- and I couldn't.

Someone -- I won't say who, as I don't wish to make anyone else uncomfortable; but let's just say he was very high up -- started telling everyone else that I was boasting about how humans were lower than angels in every sense, and that even incarnating as a human myself wouldn't change my mind. "Arrogance" was the reason for my coming down here, I was told; but all those claims against me were either incredibly exaggerated and embellished or simply made up.

I have not been the only victim of this; my twin brother, as well as other angels I worked with and/or was close to, had all sorts of lies spread about them, as well -- all by the same angel, and this angel has done so much worse. In comparison to what happened to the others, I got off relatively easy.

So, in other words, it was a choice between living with all the problems in a place that had become rigid and filled with slander going left and right, as well as games of politics -- which was tolerable before the War, but completely intolerable afterward -- or coming down here. I made the best choice I could possibly make, given the circumstances. My whole being is centered around truth and freedom; and if I can't enjoy either in a particular place, I'll leave and set up camp elsewhere.

~ Ashaiel