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What helps to know now about Chordal (update)
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What helps to know now about Chordal (update)
So hello out there,

I am posting now in the Other subforum because I feel it's likely more useful for me to just take myself as a spirit right now and not so much as a demon or elemental. I have come to the temporary conclusion that I'm either energetically sensitive, and/or that my mind has a tendency to break things (like my psyche) into smaller conceptual parts in hopes of better understanding them. I've written a little bit on what I see to be a flowering of my creativity (and its according "positive" energy) in the Demon subforum, which I'll link here:

<!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://forum.otherkinphenomena.org/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=1845&p=36339#p36339">viewtopic.php?f=21&t=1845&p=36339#p36339</a><!-- l -->

...and, basically, I've come to a number of conclusions on metaphysical topics that help my life run in a much smoother and more positive direction. Key in this is the Taoist cycle of energy between the different elements that I've been reading about, combined with a more Western version of the concept of elementals (namely that there can be spirits who either are strong in one element or represent qualities of an element). Also, there is my own experience both in the study of Demonolatry and in the Chaos Magick type-of-route that leads me to believe that perhaps we all have our own "elementals" or "spirits" who represent parts or qualities of us.

So my "spirits" may be projections of my own mind whom my ego interacts with, or they could be spirits that just hang around with me. This may be related to my being part of a group or cluster of spirits and taking up a specific role within that group (as someone who can physically create, and alter things on the plane of physicality) -- which I think is the assumption I'd sealed and forgotten until writing this -- or they could be projections of my own creative mind, who nonetheless have the power to help my mind adapt to the situation it finds itself within. Given that things didn't really start to get better until I allowed myself to believe in and trust in my spirits, however, I lean toward the non-secular explanation. This is that there is something spiritual in nature going on, and the spirits around me need my full recognition of them, and my informed permission, to allow them to make change in my life and help me reach my fullest potential in the system I'm in: that is, to achieve my life purpose, which is to create. (I wrote about having a Fire/Wood Adaptation Type earlier, which means, to extremely simplify, that I interrelate openheartedness and joy with creativity, when I'm in a balanced state. See below:

<!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://forum.otherkinphenomena.org/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=2444&p=36325#p36325">viewtopic.php?f=20&t=2444&p=36325#p36325</a><!-- l -->

Along with this, it's now been almost three years since I've felt myself, as myself, back here. The one spirit or being who I mistook as the Demon Flereous (a Fire elemental who can stand in for "Satan" in some rituals) because of his similar physical attributes, I'm now thinking may have appeared similar because he was *my* Fire elemental, not the person-who-contacted-Flereous's Fire elemental. So he had a similar appearance, maybe a similar job posting, but he was a different spirit (because he was linked to, or sourced from, or contacted via, my energy, not someone else's energy -- and from experience, I think the quality of that energy is key).

Since I've been taking classes again, I've rarely had the intrusion of feeling like I'm conducting someone else through my body. I'm actually able to focus somewhat on a future that I'm building for myself on the basis of who I intuit myself to be. This is helped by having a more solid understanding of my own identity, values, and ethics. That has only been possible through allowing myself to explore who I am, get rid of the unnecessary bindings (largely having to do with fear), and reconnect with who I have been in the past. Of course, identity is one of those things that can only be intuited and -- also -- recognized when it's reflected back to one, though, so surrounding myself with people who are accepting of and understanding of me has also been extremely helpful. Also, being less afraid of rejection and being able to see the life possibility I'd have, should I either live without a fear of rejection, or should I have the bravery to surpass my fear of rejection, and bring my true self to light, helps. Because it means that I'd be living as someone who is recognized as themselves, or if not recognized, still not hiding in an isolating shell out of shame.

Things are going relatively smoothly, it's just that I find myself somewhat reluctant to study, in favor of keeping up on current trends and new designs and technique possibilities. I think as long as I can keep in mind my chosen goal, though, I will be OK. I just have to remember why I'm doing what I'm doing when I'm having trouble deriving an equation, for example! <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

So this is my little update. I don't know if anyone with positive intentions will read it, but I'll put it out there. I think the identity of "spirit" suits me; there is no drama or automatic negative valuation as with the term, "demon", and I really don't fully identify as "human". But people will understand me when I say, "I don't identify as human, I identify as a spirit," so I think. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> And that opens the door to all kinds of magical possibilities. <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink -->
2013-08-30 4:49
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