Hide background
READ THIS!

Welcome to the Otherkinphenomena forum.

You really have to follow these instructions! Instructions will update as you progress.

If you wish to post on, or access most of the content of our forum and our community, please click here to register first, then follow the instructions below. If you have already registered, please log in, in the above "Hello There, Guest!" box.

Thanks for understanding and see you around.



Post Reply 
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Wanting to be myself online but knowing it's a bad idea
Chordal
Member is Offline
Eager beaver
Kintype:
Otherkin:
Gender:
Reputation: 0
Posts: 452
Points: 2662.00
Contribution: tick tick tick 

Post: #1
Wanting to be myself online but knowing it's a bad idea
Yeah, what the Subject said. I have grown out of the internet flamelands and do not wish to return.

And there's a tiny Wolf Spider crawling around on the ceiling. <!-- s:x --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mad.gif" alt=":x" title="Mad" /><!-- s:x --> Over here, I mean. (Or, at your point in time, there was.) At least it's that and not a bitey one.

I've not been having an easy past several days...particularly I'm dealing with general lethargy (possibly due to poor sleep quality 'cause I'm up at night online) and lack of motivation. Plus, today I had a migraine at work, though that got better with some meat, carbs, and a lot of water. I'm still behind on my Drawing homework, but I got into contact with my professor, who is empathetic and actually seems to care, so things may not be as bad as they seem.

And! one of my books came! That was pretty cool. I just need to actually read the books I get, and not just let them sit on the table until their loan periods expire. <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue -->

Anyhow, the reason I started writing this post is the concept of wanting to be able to talk openly about the 'kin stuff with people in my life (not the real close ones, they mostly have a clue already, but friends/acquaintances I know offline) and knowing that it probably isn't a great idea. People who are really close to me know I have a wild-type streak, but I'm also fairly well educated; and then there are the emotional issues...so...I guess I'm just complex.

(...I think I scared the spider into freezing up...)

(yes I did)

(*sigh*)

...I can tell that my mind isn't working all that well right now; it's hard to turn thoughts into words. So I know that this is probably *not* the best time to make a decision to come out. Especially as I'm not feeling great. It's just weird to me having this little online enclave where I talk about this and then my other life arenas where people don't know that I've actually questioned my identity to this extent. As said the girl I fell in love at in high school, "I didn't know you had it in you." There are a lot of things she didn't know were in me. There are a lot of things everyone else doesn't know I have in me.

I did write up a whole "nature of being" post on this forum which no one looked at, and then I took it down because I might use the ideas in it as groundwork for one or more creative projects. If so, I might not want it publicized elsewhere, first. I still haven't gotten it out of post format, though; it's in a conversational tone and could come out of left field and be unwelcome if I were to just lay it all out flat. It seems, however, fairly coherent.

This kind of calls in the hesitance I have to publish anything of mine because I know that from that point on I'll be publicly identifiable, though. I guess if I'm going to publish, I should make it worth something, right? I did draw something very cute the other day, for instance, and thought of making it into an avatar for myself on one of my accounts; then I realized that if I do that enough, my style becomes graspable, and there's basically no more anonymity (or, possibly, control over my creations, if we look at online dynamics) after that. Even with writing, there is now analysis of the type which identified J.K. Rowling when she was writing under a pen name. Facial recognition software? Etc.

However, I do have to remember that it is not set in stone that I'll be an unknown and relatively anonymous voice for the rest of my life; if I really want to be heard, I have the power to be heard. It's just that I've wanted to be away from the limelight since I was a kid, but due to the society of children I grew up within (I knew everyone and everyone knew -- or thought they knew -- me), I didn't have the opportunity. Conversely, I've dealt with both the inability to communicate and what I want to say is silencing, though really I can't tell if I "was silenced" or if I "silenced myself." But point being that I have as much of a right to contribute to my society as anyone else, even though most of the time I've wished society would just get its act together without my input.

I kind of don't know exactly what I'm writing about at this point. I guess, maybe, I'm writing about becoming known for having unusual views and having that connected with one's actual identity, which is becoming unavoidable. If one works creatively and is creative enough to break out of the mold which (at least my) society seems to want to socialize us into, it's fairly certain we'll become identifiable (and not anonymous) at some point. How do others here deal with this, or is it a problem uniquely related to creative work?

I'm sure that in writing we could go under pen names, for example, but there has been software created which can identify and match a person's writing style. A photo on a book jacket can be cross-referenced via facial recognition software with any square-on photo taken of one at any time, with or without permission. An artist's style can be recognized, e.g. H.R. Giger -- there is no replacement H.R. Giger. He became known for what he did, and if he wanted to continue making art in his signature style, he had to be okay with it being identified as his, and the ramifications of being known as "H.R. Giger," whatever that brand meant to other people. And I'm sure that it meant something not-good to very many people!

The point is that it's difficult-to-impossible to create and disperse one's creations and also to remain unknown and "safe" at the same time. On this forum we talk about things that could get us in trouble should others know we're thinking them. But that is ridiculous. "Thought crimes?" Still, discrimination exists, and it is usually not based on valid criteria or modes of thought. Given this, and what I've mentioned above, 1) has anyone come out in their personal life? How did you deal with others' reactions? 2) becoming published or having a gallery show is like "coming out" in a way; it becomes laying bare the interior of one's mind, encoded. How do we deal with the reactions and responses of others to our work?
2014-10-26 4:43
Find
Quote
Give Thanks
Post Reply 


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)