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Unsure what I am
Rixem
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In an Ongoing Existential Crisis
Kintype: Unsure
Otherkin: Yes
Gender: I Don't Understand Gender
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Posts: 120
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Post: #1
Unsure what I am
I definitely consider myself otherkin. I fit a lot of the experiences common among otherkin in general. But I don't know what specifically I am. Maybe it's more than 1 or it's something else.

* I don't know if I'm therian, but I do often find myself thinking it's awkward that humans don't have movable ears & don't have much hair/fur. My ears feel like they're supposed to be able to move. I always figured maybe ancient humans used to have movable ears & that's what I was feeling.

* I think I sometimes feel phantom horns. I feel better with them. They're more on the top of my head (as opposed to on the sides or forehead), kind of twisty & I think they're about 8 inches. After a quick internet search, they look most like a nyala antelope (which I've never heard or or seen before, but now that I have, this is a very cool looking animal). I don't really like the idea of being a prey animal, but now that I think of it, maybe large prey behavior fits me.

* I never identified with my body. I don't like having a physical body. There were a few times I thought about it & though if I could look like anything I'd be a big glowy ball like a star.

* I never liked my name, but I don't like any other name for me either. I think I'm not supposed to have a name. I guess that could be a lot of different things.

* I don't have any memories of being an animal or other non-human. The few things I've had that might be past life memories all seem to be human (or at least not an animal). I had a moment where I remembered a different birthday than I actually have. I had 2 instances of remembering a life very similar to mine, but not quite.

* I don't have phantom shifts or dreams about looking different. Actually I'm usually not even in my dreams.

I don't really know what I'm supposed to do from here

(If anyone's curious what my PFP is, I had a dream I saw mother nature once & she looked like this.)
2022-11-20 0:19
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Elinox
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Professional Pirate
Kintype: Lupine & Feline
Otherkin: Yes
Gender: chaotic good
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Post: #2
RE: Unsure what I am
Have you ever experienced a mental shift? A mental space that was not "human" or your norm? If so, what did it feel like? That could point you towards a specific species.

That said, I'd probably start with the basics: is there a subforum here of creatures you feel most drawn to?

If you don't feel like prey, and you're not sure you have a physical body, maybe some sort of energy being?

The way you describe your horns and ears makes me think either some type of dragon or perhaps demon or energy being. (Although that's based on your most recent posts here and what you've described here.)

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"You're the best kind of crazy." -Murphy, The Dresden Files
2022-11-22 1:51
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Rixem
Member is Offline
In an Ongoing Existential Crisis
Kintype: Unsure
Otherkin: Yes
Gender: I Don't Understand Gender
Reputation: 0
Posts: 120
Points: 738.00
Contribution: tick 

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Post: #3
RE: Unsure what I am
(2022-11-22 1:51)Elinox Wrote:  Have you ever experienced a mental shift? A mental space that was not "human" or your norm?

Yeah, I've experienced pretty dramatic shifts, but I can guarantee this is entirely a mental health thing & not due to me being a different species. No creature that's like that all the time is going to survive.

(2022-11-22 1:51)Elinox Wrote:  That said, I'd probably start with the basics: is there a subforum here of creatures you feel most drawn to?

That's a good point. I know i don't consider myself vampire, elf, or fae. I don't think I consider myself a celestial or demon. I like the idea of being an animal & I like dragons, but I don't feel like those. Energy beings made the most sense initially, but there's not much info on them, so it's hard.

(2022-11-22 1:51)Elinox Wrote:  If you don't feel like prey, and you're not sure you have a physical body, maybe some sort of energy being?

Makes sense

(2022-11-22 1:51)Elinox Wrote:  The way you describe your horns and ears makes me think either some type of dragon or perhaps demon or energy being. (Although that's based on your most recent posts here and what you've described here.)

It's hard for me to tell if there's anything "real" about them or if I'm just nuts honestly. Even I don't know if I'm making all this up

(If anyone's curious what my PFP is, I had a dream I saw mother nature once & she looked like this.)
2022-11-22 5:53
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Elinox
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Kintype: Lupine & Feline
Otherkin: Yes
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Post: #4
RE: Unsure what I am
(2022-11-22 5:53)Rixem Wrote:  It's hard for me to tell if there's anything "real" about them or if I'm just nuts honestly. Even I don't know if I'm making all this up

We could all just be crazy. :jagderp:

But even if we are, where's the harm in believing you're otherkin? If it helps you cope and you're not hurting yourself or others, who cares?

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"You're the best kind of crazy." -Murphy, The Dresden Files
2022-11-22 16:54
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Rixem
Member is Offline
In an Ongoing Existential Crisis
Kintype: Unsure
Otherkin: Yes
Gender: I Don't Understand Gender
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Posts: 120
Points: 738.00
Contribution: tick 

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Post: #5
RE: Unsure what I am
(2022-11-22 16:54)Elinox Wrote:  
(2022-11-22 5:53)Rixem Wrote:  It's hard for me to tell if there's anything "real" about them or if I'm just nuts honestly. Even I don't know if I'm making all this up

We could all just be crazy. :jagderp:

But even if we are, where's the harm in believing you're otherkin? If it helps you cope and you're not hurting yourself or others, who cares?

True

I personally don't think the belief in otherkin is any more crazy than believing in reincarnation or deities or spirits. We can't prove any of it.

(If anyone's curious what my PFP is, I had a dream I saw mother nature once & she looked like this.)
(This post was last modified: 2022-11-22 17:04 by Rixem.)
2022-11-22 17:02
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Rixem
Member is Offline
In an Ongoing Existential Crisis
Kintype: Unsure
Otherkin: Yes
Gender: I Don't Understand Gender
Reputation: 0
Posts: 120
Points: 738.00
Contribution: tick 

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Post: #6
RE: Unsure what I am
(2022-11-22 1:51)Elinox Wrote:  The way you describe your horns and ears makes me think either some type of dragon or perhaps demon or energy being.

I've been thinking about this & it makes sense.

I definitely feel movable ears. I've felt them my whole life, long before hearing of otherkin. It's so noticeable to me that I always thought most people felt that; I figured maybe ancient humans had movable ears & it was just "leftovers" in our modern brains.

The horns are more recent. I didn't always have them. What I thought was odd about horns is there are very few non-prey animals with horns since horns are mostly for defense. I feel like mine are more to "show off" rather than functional.

So a dragon makes sense.
I always draw them with no ears, but I recently learned Asian dragons were traditionally depicted with cow-like ears. I've always had a connection to dragons & to east Asian culture. Another thing I hadn't thought of is Asian Dragons are often depicted chasing a glowy ball, so there's a connection to that. Some Asian dragons are able to shapeshift, so maybe that's why I don't have an internal image of myself. And they're associated with rain; I love it when it rains. Another reason I like the idea of self describing as this is they're thought of as a combination of a whole bunch of other animals & don't really fit with any of them & I can relate to that.

Asian dragons are seen more as spiritual beings (in contrast to western dragons being seen more as physical); I feel more comfortable with this idea that with the idea of having been a physical dragon at some point.

(If anyone's curious what my PFP is, I had a dream I saw mother nature once & she looked like this.)
2022-11-26 3:46
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