I'm not really sure what to say.
My name is Ashleigh, I'm 16 and I live in England.
I'm quite confused about this whole 'otherkin' buisness. I have no idea if I even am one but I feel kind of.. 'different'. Like there's something more. I can't explain any better than that.
I feel kind of odd even signing up to this to be completely honest, but I figured, considering I'm reading the posts I may as well.
By 'kind of odd' I guess I mean sort of guilty in a way. I've recently started seeing a phyciatrist who has decided that I'm definately 'crazy' but I haven't been spercifically diagnosed yet. Bipolar (also known as manic depression) is suspected. My step-dad is also bipolar. As is my previous step-dad. So I know quite a bit about it. I know that, sometimes, one of the symptoms is being delusional. So, although I've always felt like I'm 'something else' and different and have noticed that I sort of have 'abilities' I think I might just be being delusional. And I feel guilty because, if I am just being delusional, then this probably won't help. I also feel guilty because I know I won't tell anyone about it and that I probably should. I know I won't tell anyone because I'm scared. And I'm scared because I know if I told anyone, they would definately think I'm delusional. So maybe I shouldn't be doing this. It seems to be making things more complicated. But I'd rather not go through this on my own and all of you seem like a nice, non-judgemental group of people who have similar situations going on.
So, if anyone would be so kind as to help me figure out what all this 'otherkin' stuff is all about, it would be very much apprieciated.
It really would.
And I noticed that this introduction thing really does not tell you anything about me which I'm guessing was the whole point in it so I'm pasting my myspace 'about me' section in here:
"The name's Ashleigh.
17 on the 16/12/08.
I like leaving my mark on the world.
I want to be remembered.
I'd like to think that in years to come there’s some school kid just like me, sending a hologram IM to their friend who's just like Wish, complaining about an essay they have to write on some nut-job called Ashleigh Roberts who was around way back when. Before they even had mp60 plug-ins to your brain and when they thought you could cure cancer with radiation.
Silence makes me uncomfortable. I hate springtime. I know everything that doesn’t matter and nothing that does. Bright colours make me happy. I’m like a 5 year old. I never know what to say and everything I do say comes out wrong. I’m beyond crap at explaining things. I love my piano. Sometimes, I don’t sleep at all. I give up on everything. I hate hats. I secretly get jealous of things that probably didn’t mean anything anyway. But I read too much into them. Again. I over-exaggerate. I take too many photos. I over-think everything. I’m really quite ditzy. I love art. I’m way paranoid. About everything. I make random noises without realising it. I annoy myself. I often am actually doing the emotes I write. Apart from lol. Lol has just become punctuation these days. I fiddle with stuff. I get embarrassed really easily. I feel awkward when people kiss so I look away and pretend I was doing something else so I never even noticed. I like to read. I daydream all the time. I think I blink more than the average person. I chew my lip a lot. I’m a perfectionist and get angry at myself for doing stuff wrong. I hate having dirty hands and won’t touch anything until they’re clean again. I can never make decisions. I’m very pale. No matter what. I’m convinced that the sun avoids me completely. I regret every mistake. Feet freak me the hell out. I love shopping. I always end up coming home with no money left and about 3 things that make no sense with no idea why the hell anybody that ever existed in the history of the world would want to buy them. Including me. I can’t wait to learn how to drive, although me behind the wheel of a car is a terrifying prospect for everybody, I’m sure. Even me. I definitely don’t trust myself not to wind up dead. And I have no idea how I’m going to know where I’m going. I never have any idea where I’m going. My dream car is a beat up old red Chevy or Dodge Ram. They are the sex. I ramble on for years, not expecting anyone to still be listening. My spelling is atrocious. I hate my handwriting. I don’t see the point in Maths and forget whatever I’ve learnt as soon as I’ve done whatever test I was learning it for. I hate being alone. I get scared way too easily. I’m up and down like a yo-yo and change my mind like the bloody weather."
Wow. I think I might have just set some kind of record for the longest introduction post ever. Sorry about that.
But also, a few other things, just for you guys: I'm currently writing a story, originally for my GCSE English Creative Writing Coursework, that I'm thinking of turning into a novel. I smoke. Time passes strangely for me. I am rather music obsessed. My music taste is really versitile but mostly of the rock persuasion. I don't like cats. I think that they are snobby. I'd like to consider myself a bit of an artist. Dr pepper is clearly the best of all soft drinks. I'm very self-deprieciating. I'm quite shy but maybe I won't be because I am not talking to you face-to-face. I'm an extremly fussy eater but I actually don't really eat all that much anymore. I'm never hungry. I just eat because I know I should. Luckily my mom and step-dad are very understanding about this and don't assume I've got an eating dissorder or something because they (both suffering from mental health dissorders themselves) have pretty much the same eating habits. I'm a bit of a kindred spirit. A wanderer. I've moved up and down England my whole life. I actually have no idea how many houses I've lived in. But I like it that way. I get restless staying in one place too long. I've noticed that everytime I move I become a different person. I see it as sort of starting all over again. The longest I've ever stayed in one place was 4 years. And even then, around the time I would have moved on, I changed, just not as completely. I was thinking about it earlier today and I was actually part of every single clique in school there at some point. I love freedom. I like to have intellectual discussions. Especially about religion. I remember things exactly, which my mom hates because I always correct her in arguments when she says she/I said something, even if what she says is almost right and means the same thing anyway. Not knowing what happens after you die terrifies me. I chew pens. Language fasinates me.
Well. I'm sorry again for going on but hey. Now you probably know me better than myself and it would be quite interesting if I ended up getting in the guiness book of world records (again, might I add. Totaly not gloating or anything ^_^) for this.