Trouble closing the door

Just as a conversation piece, I keep having recurring dreams about the second place I lived at in my life. This was an apartment building...which is relevant because looking back on it, I think I was in too close quarters with too many people and too few barriers, for a budding sensitive. Something that's been fairly consistent through these dreams (though not so much so, extremely recently) is that the front door will often be slightly ajar (and often too small for the door frame), needing to be lifted on its hinges to lock into place. When I would go to push the door closed and lock the deadbolt so that no one could get in or see in, the door would push back (strongly) against me, as though there were someone on the other side of it who didn't want to be locked out, or a strong gust of wind, but there is no one (visible) there...which normally makes me think, "spirit," or "ghost."

I'm not sure if this has to do with the concept of myself as an invisible entity which doesn't see itself until I bump into something, or something bumps into me...I've had this metaphor come to mind in my studies. It's basically a metaphysical concept talking about the world of ideas and thought and interaction: I tend not to be able to see myself unless I'm interacting with someone else, or ideas external to me, that contradict my own thoughts. Unless, that is, I'm writing for myself, and then buried thoughts which I'm experiencing, become apparent -- sometimes too apparent.

Anyhow, I have little idea as to what this thing is about, with something forcing its way into my apartment but only when I try to lock it out...maybe it's related to the darkness I've been dealing with, which I've come to call my "nature"? Like how I used to get enraged but (usually) only when I'd forget that I had the ability to harm. Or maybe it has to do with being historically "too open" as a sensitive? I'm not sure.

Any ideas as to what this could mean would be welcome...I hope. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> The problem with this dream is that I'm usually not strong enough to close the door on my own, and it usually freaks me out when it opens once I push it. These aren't lucid dreams, but I remember past dreams of the same situation when I'm here. Any thoughts?

Do you feel threatened or frightened of the thing pushing against the door? If so, I'd lean towards it being some sort of unconscious fear you're trying to avoid. If not, then the next time you dream this, let whatever it is in to see what it is.

Elinox Wrote:Do you feel threatened or frightened of the thing pushing against the door? If so, I'd lean towards it being some sort of unconscious fear you're trying to avoid. If not, then the next time you dream this, let whatever it is in to see what it is.

I'm not sure if it's my being frightened *of the thing pushing the door*, or if it's being frightened of/dreading the door moving at all (usually, by itself). Generally, once whatever pushes the door (it usually feels like a strong gust of wind, sometimes accompanied by a "dread" noise) has done so, it doesn't bother me; but the door moving, and pushing more strongly than I can hold it back, freaks me out a bit.

There may be something inherent in wanting to lock things out and the door being inadequate, plus only having them force their way in when I try to remedy the situation, that is important here...but I still haven't been able to see the whole picture yet.

Chordal Wrote:Generally, once whatever pushes the door (it usually feels like a strong gust of wind, sometimes accompanied by a "dread" noise) has done so, it doesn't bother me; but the door moving, and pushing more strongly than I can hold it back, freaks me out a bit.

That right there makes me wonder if you're afraid of the undefinable (the mysterious 'wind') rather than whatever's making the wind and noise. It's the 'don't know why an inanimate object is moving on its own' fear, rather than the unseen 'monster' fear.

Elinox Wrote:

Chordal Wrote:Generally, once whatever pushes the door (it usually feels like a strong gust of wind, sometimes accompanied by a "dread" noise) has done so, it doesn't bother me; but the door moving, and pushing more strongly than I can hold it back, freaks me out a bit.

That right there makes me wonder if you're afraid of the undefinable (the mysterious 'wind') rather than whatever's making the wind and noise. It's the 'don't know why an inanimate object is moving on its own' fear, rather than the unseen 'monster' fear.

Interesting point... Something came up recently as a possible explanation, too. I've had dreams before in which other beings in the dream represented different parts of myself. I wonder if the spirit trying to get into the apartment is me? I say "spirit" because it does not feel like an empty presence and a door moving on its own -- it feels as though it is being intentionally pushed.

There are two things going on here: one is that the door's movement is ego-dystonic in the lexicon of the dream (that is, my mind sees it as "wrong" that the door is moving, whereas other bits which do not fit into waking reality, such as having more multiple miniature packs of cereal in the cabinet than anyone should, do not arouse the same fear). In prior dreams, I've gone to lock the door and someone (like my dad) came in with food from the store, or something. This was not uncommon from when we moved there -- the door would be ajar and I'd go to close it as someone was coming in (who had a legitimate reason to come in). It still startles me, but it isn't quite the same thing as going to close it and having it feel as though someone is forcing their way in, and there's no one there, and no reason why one would come in other than my attempt to lock them out.

So, the door's movement strikes me (from that perspective) as wrong -- specifically, wrong.

The second thing that I thought of, is that maybe the point of view that I'm seeing things from, as myself inside the apartment, isn't the entirety of myself. Maybe it's just the conscious part of myself, or the girl-part of myself, or something similarly fragmentary.

In this I'm recalling a dream I had some years ago in which I was in a city being terrorized by a crazed angelic shape-shifter...who happened to be Blaze. Not that I'm thinking Blaze actually *is* angelic, at this point, but there were things happening like mind control and changing forms and setting streets on fire, stuff like this, and no one knew who to target (he appeared, or was suspected to appear, in 4 different forms in that one dream). Point being that Blaze is actually part of myself at this point, and so I was seeing from one perspective as a person in this city, another aspect of myself who was razing it; even though I didn't know that the angelic entity was part of me, while I was still in the dream. (I still don't know what that dream means, either.)

So this would imply, essentially, some form of externalization/fragmentation + bilocation. I'm thinking that it could be the same thing happening in the "invisible intruder" dreams...though as I think of it now, I don't know what exactly would be represented by the perspective that I'm normally seeing from, and I don't know the identity of the invisible one. Instead of taking guesses which may be misleading, at this point, I'll post, and think on this...

There's also the possibility that the being pushing on the door is Bell.