Hi,
I'm guessing at this point it wouldn't be a big thing to let other people know a tiny bit more about where I'm coming from with this, especially as I may not continue on with it. I graduated with a B.A. in English -- Creative Writing. I really liked the Creative Writing part of that, and really hated the English part of it (Creative Writing might have been considered a concentration under English). Basically I took this major because I couldn't decide on anything else; nothing was as much of a priority or constant for me at that time of my life, as writing. At that time I was really pretty much just desperate to get out of school with any degree that wasn't, "Liberal Studies," and I didn't think I'd ever be going back for a degree above it.
Right now I'm working in a library. Basically, I've read that you can't reliably get a job above the Library Assistant (paraprofessional) level without a Master's in an accredited program. So I took on a Master's in Library and Information Science program, but I don't know if I'm capable of performing at the level they want me to perform at. Like I said, I'm in 6 units right now and trying to hold onto my job at the same time (which I've reduced to 14 hours a week)...and those 6 units are taking over my life, so that I don't have time to do things like cook or go food shopping or go outside of the house for non-essential reasons, or have friends and an internal intellectual life, and not fall behind. And that's *part-time*.
If I went full-time, I *might* be able to complete the program in the 3 years I have before my Financial Aid runs out (given that I don't have to repeat any classes). But going to school full-time means I will not have the time or energy to be employed (and not self-destructive because of stress) at the same time. Continuing employment is critical to getting a job in the field, as most job openings are not advertised, and word of them is spread by internal networking. This means I'll be going to school part-time over a very long period of time and that I will have to take out a private loan (with likely some exorbitant interest rate -- I think right now it's around 7.5%[?]), to complete the degree.
As I'm writing right now, I'm neglecting to do some studying that I would have to do to try and be *less* behind. But I just met with someone and we talked about this, and I have to take care of myself in some way...because I have way too much going on right now to do a good job at everything. This writing is part of my self-care. I could just as easily work myself until I break down and have to be hospitalized, but I don't think that's a good plan.
Anyhow...one of the reasons that I decided to go into this field is that my English training backs me up, here. I also thought it would be a good outlet for me if I ever decided to actually become a professional writer, as reading was heavily stressed as a prerequisite to writing (or at least, "writing well"), in my program. I don't think I've actually read all that much fiction while I've been here, though, and to be honest, I'm pretty lost when it comes to modern fiction writers who I actually like...as they're categorized by genre and last name, not by content. It seems you're supposed to know what you're looking for before you look for it.
Another reason I decided to pursue a career in the Library: I didn't want to have to deal with being told that I shouldn't be in my field because I'm female. But as things stand now, being in this program has pushed me to come out as trans within the program and at work, which in turn has set in motion a lot of stuff in my personal life. Part of what it's set in motion is the drive to transition, as I've found out that a lot of people don't really have a strong investment in my gender identity or presentation, and it's likely going to be mostly fine if I start presenting as obviously male. This then gets rid of one of the barriers that I'd had up, because if I do transition, I'm probably not going to have to deal too much with people saying that I shouldn't be in my field because they see me as a woman...because I'm not going to be seen as a woman.
As for whether I'm interested in my current program...before I got into it, I thought I was. But I am very, *very* not suited to being a Public Services Librarian (Adult or Children's), which is primarily a social job. I'd rather be working behind the scenes somewhere, not on the front lines directly dealing with customer interaction and public relations (which knocks out Academic Librarian as well). What I'm interested in doing, right now, is learning to build Web pages, especially as an alternate form of publishing (rather than through a brick-and-mortar publishing house).
I'm not certain that I totally have the creativity to do something like Web Design, which is where I was at before I went through Voc Rehab...one of the medications I'm on feels like it has the effect of inhibiting the creativity I had before I started it, which in turn decreases my confidence that I'll be able to do well with a creative job. Even though, that's still what I want. Web Design has the drawback, though, of being extremely competitive (the market is flooded) and stressful because of needing to work overtime to meet deadlines...and that is contraindicated by my diagnosis.
As regards brick-and-mortar publishing, I could probably do well as an Editor, but I'd need to intern for that and see if I actually like it...and doing that is tough while I don't have a car of my own and haven't yet fully learned to drive.
What I found out about what I want to do, though -- I do want to help further LGBTQQIAA culture. <!-- s

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--> I'm not entirely sure just *how* I'd want to help, though, which I suppose is where I need to be looking at my desires and strengths. I know I have strength in writing, and that I have some strength in design (particularly where it comes to color). I'm also extremely attentive to detail, and I know that the way clothes and jewelry are made and marketed makes some apparel and accessory choices near-impossible to display, if you don't have the skills to make clothing or jewelry, yourself. I've just noticed the fact that most clothing in cuts for female people send the encoded impression that one is feminine, and it's really irritating to have to deal with that social message when I wear things out of Petites.
I had been making jewelry for other people, but this is kind of stressful for me because I want to make it *perfect* and I can't make it perfect all the time, and it's unrealistic to tear out 2.5 hours of work because of a mistake that can't be undone. Plus, jewelry doesn't pay all that well, given that it's labor-intensive, and that it can take three hours of manual labor to make a bracelet. I've seen people compensate for this by using materials which are popularly regarded as valuable (like blue topaz or sapphire -- I've been using sterling and gold-filled wire myself), but I don't really want to be making things that no one can afford. I've been hoping to take some classes in metalwork, and branch out into macrame -- but I don't have the time.
Jewelry design and construction seems it would have to be an auxiliary path, as being self-employed doesn't look like it would carry benefits. I could very well work in a bead store, though, or a jewelry store. Or a non-typical clothing store.
...I think my brain is running out of ideas. But I notice a clear theme of art, design, and culture...maybe someone is seeing connections that I don't?