The Dolorous Stroke

In Arthurian legend, the Dolorous Stroke inflicted a wound on the Fisher King's genitals. The Fisher King becomes the Maimed King and his kingdom becomes the Wasteland, with neither being healed until the Grail Quest is completed.

I recently heard a modern take on the Dolorous Stroke: that everyone has an incident in their past which caused a psychic or emotional wound to them, which can't be healed until they fully accept it. It's said to often relate to one's parents, and to be the result of a poor choice (as opposed to something inflicted by someone else).

I know what my Dolorous Stroke is; damned if I'll ever discuss it here, though. My other half? I know his Dolorous Stroke as well, and likewise the chance of me ever openly talking about it is close to zero. (Hell, the chance of me even properly thinking about either Stroke, and properly acknowledging them, even to myself, is slim to none.)

So - how common is it to have a Dolorous Stroke? Is this a useful meme to help you understand yourself, or just pseudo-mythological psychobabble?

I don't think it's very useful in analyzing our current life; the worst that we've had to deal with was externally provided before we had the means to do much about it. Might be interesting to take a look at our other memories in that context, when we're feeling a little sharper.

-Shainin

Are we comparing headaches again Archer? Ok, me too then.

I've never heard it called a Dolorous Stroke before, but the concept is familiar. A good portion of my spiritual quest is based on self-healing. Most of it from this lifetime, though some of it may be leftovers from some unremembered past. Or maybe it's a question of history repeating itself in various ways. Doesn't really matter because this lifetime is the one that counts. I think the hard work over the past few years has been paying off, but I'm still not back to where I'd like to be yet.

I'm aware of what mine is in this life and have a good feeling on what it was in my past existance, though the past is the past and I do my best to leave it there. But I second the feeling of not sharing said "dolorous stroke" in this life here.

I think if it was easy to share, it wouldn't be a Dolorous Stroke.

Archer Wrote:I think if it was easy to share, it wouldn't be a Dolorous Stroke.

Quoted for truth.

Archer Wrote:I think if it was easy to share, it wouldn't be a Dolorous Stroke.

True, but sharing is also part of the cure. Our resistance to sharing with others is part of our resistance to acceptance within ourselves. So, in that spirit...

In school, I was the student that all the teachers loved to hate, bright, talented, and lazy. No matter how I tried, I couldn't keep up with the pile of assignments they kept giving me, and as the year wore on I tried less and less. They tried to reason with me, guilt me, plead with me, ignore me, publicly shame me, anything they could think of within their power to do. My Mom even took me to psychologist who gave me several hundred dollars worth of tests. The verdict was that I was 'well adjusted' and an 'excellent problem solver' so the very nervous psych tried to convince me that I was just stressed. Well, duh. (This was before everyone and their dog had ADD.) Looking back, I think it had more to do with being seasonally bipolar. My grades were usually good in the fall, and dropped off in winter. By the time spring came around it was too late to pull it out of the crapper. The combination of depression and stress caused me to emotionally shut down during the winter months. That was the part that scared me the most...during those times when I was able to be afraid. No one ever asked the right questions. They were too busy condemning me to actually look at the patterns. And between becoming emotionally numb and having this dumb warrior instinct that says 'show no weakness to the enemy' everyone thought I just didn't care, so they took that as a license to push even harder. As a result, my self-esteem and confidence was shot to hell, and I was terrified of anything that made me feel like I was back in that situation.

Well, since then I graduated top of my class in college, granted, it wasn't a huge class. That let me know that the problem was not academic in nature. I haven't done so well on the job front, as expected. I hate letting someone have that much authority over me. I just don't trust it. But I've been working independently for more than a year, and my students give my class good reviews. I plan to get more certifications under my belt so I can do more contract work of that nature. Change is slow, but it's moving. And I can tell the story now without getting upset all over again.

short version?
This life... (more or less in this order)

10 years of severe bullying in school, physical assaults, verbal assaults, being cast out from any social activity at all, etc.. '
Rape.
A few years of self-abuse via drugs and alcohol.
Body is a mess.

The part about not being healed until a person fully excepts the handicap sounds similar. I spiritually blinded myself around 7 or so because it would have been too much of a deluge of memories. Some who have tried to look into me end up with a flood of images that give them a headache and they still make sense of the flashing of images.

Motley Wrote:

Archer Wrote:I think if it was easy to share, it wouldn't be a Dolorous Stroke.

True, but sharing is also part of the cure. Our resistance to sharing with others is part of our resistance to acceptance within ourselves.

Sharing with *someone* yes, it can be part of the cure. Sharing here? I'm just not comfortable having a forum of people (most of whom I don't really know) knowing the most painful parts of my life. *shrug*

I wouldn't imply that being unwilling to share here means you haven't shared elsewhere and/or that not sharing here means the individual lacks self-acceptance.