Sorting and Hypothesis; Any Satyrs or Fauns Out There?

I don't know how to label my experiences. I'm not sure whether to even claim that I am searching for my kintype, as I'm not even yet sure if that's what I'm looking for. All I have been seeking so far is a jumping off point - a right direction to find my answer. It could simply be, that there is no answer, and that my so called "dillemma", is merely an illusion of my mind. Because I have no way of describing it in full without ranting for paragraph upon paragraph, I will simply attempt to put down some characteristics of my experiences that I think may or may not be comprehendable, and are pivotal in assessing my situation.

Recently - perhaps the past year or so - I have felt an unusually strong affinity for physical contact with earth; rocks, dirt, thick plantlife, so long as it is an aspect of ground cover. Exactly one year ago I made the tranquil discovery, while on a trip to the White Mountains, that allowing myself to visualize my own feet as tree roots connecting me to the ground greatly helped me to "feel connected" to what I, at the time, considered a highly stabilizing and comforting energy - Earth. In hindsight, I realize now that that initial forceful visualization was, in a way, my first phantom shift.

Since then I have experienced a strong sensation of phantom limbs in the form of tree roots; it is no longer a matter of visualization but of involuntary sensory connection (I don't think I have any need to explain that to any of you; you absolutely know the feeling, I'm sure).

Of late my need to have my bare feet connected to solid Earth has reached a level of severity in which I now nearly have panic attacks when I walk through any place that is harshly artificial, such as a lenoleum structure. In a way I suppose it is, oddly enough, physical "vampirism" through my feet (and hands, when I press myself against trees and allow myself to "become one with them" as it often feels like, as if my circulatory system becomes one with the circulatory system of the tree itself I once again feel renewed), though I am loathe to call it that; it is not so much a hunger, so much as it is a sense of mounting anxiety when my "roots" are away from the earth for too long.

I have had little success in meditating on the subject, but in recent dreams and daytime visions I have had visualizations of my own forearms covered in what appeared to be bark; my hands shifting between the form of that of hands to that of tree branches Though, again, that could merely be a result of insanity and an overactive imagination on my part.

However, other than my sense of vegetation like connection to trees and earth through my hands and feet, I sense no other phantom limbs or hints of any sort.

So my random hypothesis: For a while I let it slip from my mind, because I was sure the notion of a "Treekin" was nothing less than silly. However, as of the past few months the "craving" for answers has driven me to go about searching again; and the only creature that I have been able to find that even vaguely matches the physical characteristics of my "shift", has been a Dryad.

I ask for assistance from Fauns and Satyrs, as a result, essentially because, in nearly every myth and folktale where Dryads have been present, there has also been a Satyr or Faun. Mythologically, the two are said to be very connected to one another, and what's more, I have had distinct images of Satyrs for several years now, randomly during meditation. So far, I have been able to salvage very little information on the nature of Dryads outside of poorly written wikipedia articles and a few pieces of fan literature. I thought, perhaps, anyone who here who may identify as a Faun, or Satyr, might have better advice on the subject than I can glean with my poor research skills.

That's all I have to say for now. I could go on for hours about other experiences that I have had to ponder over, but I decided to spare you all the read. Assumptions aside, does anyone have any ideas?

For what it's worth, I've met someone who identified as a fern (the plant) before and I'm friends with a centaur-kin, but he's been MIA in the online community for a while.

I don't know much about satyrs and fauns, but the first step looks like it would be working on your energy processes so that you can function comfortably in "artificial" settings. Regardless of the reason, panic attacks every time you go into a building or above the ground floor seem like they would make day to day living nigh on impossible.

Archer Wrote:I don't know much about satyrs and fauns, but the first step looks like it would be working on your energy processes so that you can function comfortably in "artificial" settings. Regardless of the reason, panic attacks every time you go into a building or above the ground floor seem like they would make day to day living nigh on impossible.

Yes I know, and I do have a few ways of dealing with it that I have constructed over the past few months. I may have described it more direly than it needed to be described; it's not as if I suddenly break down as soon as I step into a shopping mall, but I do feel apprehensive. After several hours, I feel anxious.

Most notably, I'm currently working a summer job at a supermarket around here. It doesn't help that being a cashier at a busy supermarket is stressful enough, but after a while, the smell of the slightly burning rubber of the belt, the passified dirty white look of the floor and walls, etc., gets to be a little overwhelming and I can feel my heart begin to race. I don't know what I would do if it weren't for my 15 minute break, where I've found a small spot far to the back of the store where the marsh they carved into to make the shopping area is still intact. There I can slip off my shoes and mellow out for 15 minutes amongst the roosting black birds and willow trees for long enough to at least partially relax.

I've discovered it actually helps to take small bits of herbs with me in my pocket and, when I get a free moment, to breath their scent, which is a welcome relief from the overwhelming smell of plastic.

Ceangal Wrote:I've discovered it actually helps to take small bits of herbs with me in my pocket and, when I get a free moment, to breath their scent, which is a welcome relief from the overwhelming smell of plastic.

Could it also help you to carry a stone or grass from an area of earth that you feel especially connected to?

Also, when you feel like you're going into panic-no-earth mode, try simply visualizing your roots going through the fake floor and into the earth. Maybe imagining your roots overcoming the man-made stuff would help you feel more calm in these stressful situations?

In my experience, energy pathways aren't blocked by simple physical objects. (If they were, everyone with pantom wings and tail would have them squished up inside their clothes.)

Is it possible therefore that it's not the "artificial" floor that's causing you problems, so much as your anxiety/fear of it?

Ceangal Wrote:So my random hypothesis: For a while I let it slip from my mind, because I was sure the notion of a "Treekin" was nothing less than silly. However, as of the past few months the "craving" for answers has driven me to go about searching again; and the only creature that I have been able to find that even vaguely matches the physical characteristics of my "shift", has been a Dryad.

I don't think the notion of a "Treekin" is silly or even odd at all. I just wanted to get that out there~ if you feel you truly are a Treekin, don't push that away just because you think it may be "silly" or something. I've heard of Plantkin before, and I don't think it's any more unlikely than someone identifying as an Elf or me identifying as a dingo. Of course, if you really think you're a Dryad, then that's fine too, obviously. It just sorta sounded like you were only dismissing Treekin 'cause it seems "silly", and I think it would be bad to dismiss it on such silly (XD) reasons.

The only reason most people find the idea of tree kin silly is they have been conditioned to think only animals can have souls and minds, and then usually only mammals that mean something to us. Being the animist I am it wouldn't seem all that odd to me if you felt you were the reincarnation of the soul of a rock, let alone a tree. From the communications I've had with trees I've often felt they might be better to talk to than many people i know.... =/

..so in short I feel as it was said above, if it fits go with it... you never know you might be surprised. =3

I suppose it is always possible to just be a treekin. What was stopping me from considering the notion impossible was that, to me, in herbal magick, herbs and other plantlife were always just a little too strange to be considered perfectly like you or I. I perceived them as having a will - something they desired and things they wanted to see manifested, but not necessarily complex conversation; they are merely divine avatars of the Earth. However, due to their sheer age, power, and level of divinity, trees are a different matter. But because they are so sacred, I didn't consider myself, or any human body, to be divine enough to harbor one's spirit. I suppose I'll have to try and meditate on it more; tree "feels" better but at the same time, more.uncomfortable based on how unusual that seems to be.

It also occurs that there's nothing unnatural about manmade structures. Humans are animals native to Earth the same as birds and beavers are, and all our structures are equally "natural". If your discomfort in such places is a tree thing, as it were, I would expect it to manifest in other areas that are equally difficult for trees to flourish (rocks, salt plains, the beach).