Sorting and Hypothesis; Any Satyrs or Fauns Out There?
I don't know how to label my experiences. I'm not sure whether to even claim that I am searching for my kintype, as I'm not even yet sure if that's what I'm looking for. All I have been seeking so far is a jumping off point - a right direction to find my answer. It could simply be, that there is no answer, and that my so called "dillemma", is merely an illusion of my mind. Because I have no way of describing it in full without ranting for paragraph upon paragraph, I will simply attempt to put down some characteristics of my experiences that I think may or may not be comprehendable, and are pivotal in assessing my situation.
Recently - perhaps the past year or so - I have felt an unusually strong affinity for physical contact with earth; rocks, dirt, thick plantlife, so long as it is an aspect of ground cover. Exactly one year ago I made the tranquil discovery, while on a trip to the White Mountains, that allowing myself to visualize my own feet as tree roots connecting me to the ground greatly helped me to "feel connected" to what I, at the time, considered a highly stabilizing and comforting energy - Earth. In hindsight, I realize now that that initial forceful visualization was, in a way, my first phantom shift.
Since then I have experienced a strong sensation of phantom limbs in the form of tree roots; it is no longer a matter of visualization but of involuntary sensory connection (I don't think I have any need to explain that to any of you; you absolutely know the feeling, I'm sure).
Of late my need to have my bare feet connected to solid Earth has reached a level of severity in which I now nearly have panic attacks when I walk through any place that is harshly artificial, such as a lenoleum structure. In a way I suppose it is, oddly enough, physical "vampirism" through my feet (and hands, when I press myself against trees and allow myself to "become one with them" as it often feels like, as if my circulatory system becomes one with the circulatory system of the tree itself I once again feel renewed), though I am loathe to call it that; it is not so much a hunger, so much as it is a sense of mounting anxiety when my "roots" are away from the earth for too long.
I have had little success in meditating on the subject, but in recent dreams and daytime visions I have had visualizations of my own forearms covered in what appeared to be bark; my hands shifting between the form of that of hands to that of tree branches Though, again, that could merely be a result of insanity and an overactive imagination on my part.
However, other than my sense of vegetation like connection to trees and earth through my hands and feet, I sense no other phantom limbs or hints of any sort.
So my random hypothesis: For a while I let it slip from my mind, because I was sure the notion of a "Treekin" was nothing less than silly. However, as of the past few months the "craving" for answers has driven me to go about searching again; and the only creature that I have been able to find that even vaguely matches the physical characteristics of my "shift", has been a Dryad.
I ask for assistance from Fauns and Satyrs, as a result, essentially because, in nearly every myth and folktale where Dryads have been present, there has also been a Satyr or Faun. Mythologically, the two are said to be very connected to one another, and what's more, I have had distinct images of Satyrs for several years now, randomly during meditation. So far, I have been able to salvage very little information on the nature of Dryads outside of poorly written wikipedia articles and a few pieces of fan literature. I thought, perhaps, anyone who here who may identify as a Faun, or Satyr, might have better advice on the subject than I can glean with my poor research skills.
That's all I have to say for now. I could go on for hours about other experiences that I have had to ponder over, but I decided to spare you all the read. Assumptions aside, does anyone have any ideas?