Side Affect of Being a Demon?

To be honest, I never actually felt human in my life... From the time I was five years old, I have been able to notice and create things that, generally, aren't typical to the human kind. I've always had the ability to enter into the dreams of others, and it still happens quite frequently, but I don't seem to have much control over who's dreams I fall into. Occasionally, I see phantoms - I don't want to call them ghosts cause... in a way they don't really feel like that. Some of them don't even look human but it seems like I'm the only left in my immediate family that can see them. I have a strong taste for blood every so often or, in the least, a need to draw energy from those around me in order to survive. My boyfriend, who happens to be other kin, thinks that I may be a vampyre but the phrase just doesn't seem to fit me and, once I studied up on it a little, neither have some of the things I've been going through my entire life. A lot of my own memories are fractured. Sometimes I remember or envision something that happened to me, but, if I'm human, I shouldn't have even been alive for any of those events. Other times, I try to remember anything before five years old - like my father's disappearance or the death of my grandmother, things that ordinarily would have stuck in my mind as a tragic moment - but nothing comes up. I had to be reminded of those events in my life and its because of these fractured memories that I've been keeping journals for all my life. Who knows when the next important memory will just disappear and be replaced by a memory I probably shouldn't have?

For a while, I really blamed some of my growing abilities and these memory fragments on my past experience with an occult life style. Starting from age five in my human life, my older brothers often invited, or rather used, me in some of their rituals. My older brothers were adopted and none of them human, but they all seemed to know me better than I knew myself and I loyally let myself listen to them. They often encouraged me to write down every detail I could remember about some of my "memory dreams" or any visions and such that came to me. However, around my middle school years, the oldest of my brothers was killed and the rest disappeared like my father had and I haven't heard from them since. Only a week later, some people who knew my older brothers had found me and I was introduced to the cult life - which I stayed a part of for three to four years and then had to escape it, due to various circumstances. Some of the rituals I took place in with this cult were... blood rites and some involved placing different forms of hex on select individuals. They were a little unorthodox and considerably bad for my health.

I don't mean to type an entire life story of myself or induce a feeling of drama. What this all really leads up to is a question that sounds simple but has been troublesome for me to answer:
"Can fractured memories and these abilities be a side affect of being born of demon kin? Or is all of this really because of the different rituals I let myself be placed in?"

If anyone could give me their opinion about this it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Welcome to the board. Hopefully some people will answer your questions soon, but in the meantime could you write an introduction post in the appropriate section? We ask all new members to do that so we can get to know you a little. Thanks.

-Corweyn

Oh, sorry! I feel like such a scatterbrain. Well, just posted up an introduction. Again, I apologize for that. I guess I got really caught up in trying to learn a little more on this question and kinda forgot about it.

Can you give any examples of the strange occurances/abilities/memories/etc you referred to in the original post?

Sol de Grace Wrote:From the time I was five years old, I have been able to notice and create things that, generally, aren't typical to the human kind.

Such as? Most otherkin are of like mind that, since we're all human here and now, every person on the planet (otherkin or not) is capable of the same abilities. To some it might come naturally while others have to work at it, but that doesn't mean that being otherkin somehow gives us abilities that no one else has.

Sol de Grace Wrote:I have a strong taste for blood every so often or, in the least, a need to draw energy from those around me in order to survive.

Have you seen a doctor about this? There are medical conditions that can trigger blood lust and of course leave you feeling run down.

Sol de Grace Wrote:My boyfriend, who happens to be other kin, thinks that I may be a vampyre but the phrase just doesn't seem to fit me and, once I studied up on it a little, neither have some of the things I've been going through my entire life.

Since being a vampire isn't an otherkin thing exactly, but an energetic condition of the human body (to most people and in my head), it's perfectly plausible to be whatever-kin and a vampire.

Sol de Grace Wrote:A lot of my own memories are fractured.

Do you mean memories from this life or past life memories?

Sol de Grace Wrote:Sometimes I remember or envision something that happened to me, but, if I'm human, I shouldn't have even been alive for any of those events.

If you believe in reincarnation, then it's always possible that you were alive for them...just in another life. It's also possible that you were told about them or heard about them but don't remember ever being told.

Sol de Grace Wrote:Other times, I try to remember anything before five years old - like my father's disappearance or the death of my grandmother, things that ordinarily would have stuck in my mind as a tragic moment - but nothing comes up.

The brain is a powerful organ. It can easily create and destroy memories as a form of self-preservation. This ability of the mind is why a lot of people who go through tragic events, especially as children, either don't remember them later in life, remember them differently, or only remember bits and pieces.

Sol de Grace Wrote:Who knows when the next important memory will just disappear and be replaced by a memory I probably shouldn't have?

I wouldn't so much say that your memories are being replaced, but that some memories have been lost to the above mentioned ability of the brain while you remember other things that seem less remarkable or like things you shouldn't remember in the first place.

Sol de Grace Wrote:Starting from age five in my human life, my older brothers often invited, or rather used, me in some of their rituals.

In what way? (If you don't mind my asking, you are in no way obligated to answer if you are uncomfortable doing so.)

Sol de Grace Wrote:My older brothers were adopted and none of them human, but they all seemed to know me better than I knew myself and I loyally let myself listen to them.

When you say "none of them human" what exactly do you mean?

Sol de Grace Wrote:"Can fractured memories and these abilities be a side affect of being born of demon kin? Or is all of this really because of the different rituals I let myself be placed in?"

Well, it's more likely that the fractured memories are a product of the things you've been through in this life (if you mean memories from your present human life). If you are referring to past life memories, it isn't a product of being otherkin at all, just the nature of memories to not be intact and vivid as time goes by from when whatever event(s) took place.

Above all, I'm curious why you think any of this makes you demonkin as opposed to any other kintype.

Also, it bares to mention that "fractured" is the natural state of memories.
No one remembers things "perfectly" as they happened in a way that is compatible to a video recording.

Reincarnation isn't really something I put a lot of stock into... but I do believe its possible, so I don't say that its improbable that I could have been a reincarnation. A lot of the memories feel like past life events - most of which involve being hunted or chased down but I can't recall a reason for this. Several others involve rituals of different sorts. Its hard to elaborate on what some of those rituals are at times because the visions are usually in a different language... I think it might be German. Its been brought to my attention a few times that I could have just been a "witch" in a past life as oppose to other kin - explaining the whole being hunted down factor in the memories.

Most of my abilities seem to be linked to out of body experiences or to a spiritual plane. Such as dream walking (I guess that's what you would call it - jumping from my own dreams to another's dream), & lately astral projection has been a reoccurring ability (I'm doing some research on learning to control that better). Aside from this I have a phantom sight, rather at times I can identify spirits around me and other people. It sounds... really crazy, so I don't really like talking about it but I'm usually the only one that can see them. I only know a few others that have claimed to see the phantoms as I have.

My older brothers were otherkin - human in body but not in spirit. Though, to be honest I don't know what they were - it wasn't something they voiced out loud often. It might be fair to say they were demon too, but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. In the rites I was used in, I was usually the primary subject of them. I'd rather not go too in depth about those rites though.

And I don't necessarily believe that having fractured memories makes me demonkin. More, I was curious as to if it could be a cause of awakening or if something else was to blame. The things that really lead me to believe I'm demonkin, more or less, are mostly the dream walking and I feel as if I have extra or longer limbs than I actually possess in this human form.

EDIT: Not to mention that it just feels right to identify myself with demonkin more than it does with anything else. Maybe I'm mistaken in thinking that I could be, but I'd rather learn more about it and see how well it fits than to rule it out completely.

Well "it just feels right" is something to kick off exploration, but it's pretty shakey ground to lay the foundation for one's personal identity on. The dream walking is an ability like any other, but I'm also curious as to how you figure that you're in someone else's dream as opposed to just dreaming that you're in someone else's dream...if that makes any sense.

So, in general, the abilities one naturally has or one works to have aren't reflective of one's kintype and having phantom limbs that are in some way larger/longer than human limbs doesn't narrow it down either. There are plenty of animals that fit the bill and most people view demons as energetic beings and thus as beings that aren't limited to a physical form.

It's a much healthier process, not to mention one where logic doesn't get chucked out at an early stage, to gather evidence of your experiences and see what that evidence "says". It's very easy to "fit" evidence to a "theory" if you already have a preconceived notion in your head.