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Second Awakening
kahoku
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Post: #1
Second Awakening
Lately, we have been observing a number of people going through a "second awakening". They have been active in the Otherkin community for years, they know their kin type, give advice, and suddenly they find themselves in the same situation like the ones they give advice to: an awakening. Another kin type (in addition to the first) or a headmate showing up (I will count this as an awakening even if it is technically something different).

A second awakening can be more cruel than the first because it shakes the foundations of a personality. "Have I been wrong? Am I making something up? Perhaps I wasn't 'real' to begin with? What will others say or think about me?" are some of the usual questions, which makes it even harder than the first time, because the rest stays the same.

Kahoku has had a hard time dealing with the fact that I'm here, and we still have to find rules for our daily life. I am slowly learning how to be an individual, you could say I am awakening as a human.

For all the people who experience a second awakening, I think it would be useful to collect some field reports, if you want to share them.

~ Astraeus

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2010-04-12 12:31
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Malakoi
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Post: #2
Re: Second Awakening
I prefer to think of my experience as a continual process of awakening. I've changed my kintype marker more times than I'd care to admit, because I'm continually discovering new things about myself and fitting the pieces together in different ways, trying to make the most sense out of my experience.

It was always a bit horrifying to me to post something along the lines of "Well, I think I was wrong and THIS is (I hope) the real deal.." but I figured it was more useful to myself and others to be honest. o.O

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2010-04-12 16:11
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Seraphyna
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Post: #3
Re: Second Awakening
I haven't had a second awakening so to speak, but I've had periods of seriously questioning and reassessing my beliefs and why I hold them. Min is good at asking the questions that need to be asked and not letting you cop out of answering lol.

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2010-04-12 18:30
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Archer
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Post: #4
Re: Second Awakening
I've never had a second awakening, but for that matter I'm not entirely sure that I've had a first.

What I have is a lifelong process of evaluating and re-evaluating what I believe and why I believe it. My current paradigm might seem unchanging ("Yo, I is shadow indahouse!" for years and years), but that's secondary to my otherkin issues. The primary focus for me is and always has been the complex relationship between "me" and "my other half" . . . her + him = Archer. How I look at that, and understand it, is something that varies constantly in one way or another. Being a shadow is more like having brown eyes - it's intrinsic to me, and obvious, and part of my identity . . . but not especially meaningful.

Is a "second awakening" a product of holding a definite view, of looking at kintype as an answer? Is a more fluid, and less certain, view of one's own identity the alternative - with pitfalls all of its own?

I can totally get people getting a new way to look at themselves - say discovering a new aspect that was there all along and which makes the past seem more clear. What makes me wary is people who say "I am X!" and are certain of it . . . then have an epiphany, realise they were incorrect, and say "I am Y!" with equal certainty. I absolutely understand that someone could be in error, and it takes guts to publically admit it, but that would be in the form of "I am now certain that I am Y - but I've been wrong before, and I could be wrong again." That to me is a lot more palatable and reasonable than a blanket "I am Y - I was wrong, but this time, I'm sure I'm right (just like I was last time)!"

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2010-04-12 19:18
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Elinox
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Post: #5
Re: Second Awakening
Archer Wrote:Is a "second awakening" a product of holding a definite view, of looking at kintype as an answer? Is a more fluid, and less certain, view of one's own identity the alternative - with pitfalls all of its own?

I can totally get people getting a new way to look at themselves - say discovering a new aspect that was there all along and which makes the past seem more clear. What makes me wary is people who say "I am X!" and are certain of it . . . then have an epiphany, realise they were incorrect, and say "I am Y!" with equal certainty. I absolutely understand that someone could be in error, and it takes guts to publically admit it, but that would be in the form of "I am now certain that I am Y - but I've been wrong before, and I could be wrong again." That to me is a lot more palatable and reasonable than a blanket "I am Y - I was wrong, but this time, I'm sure I'm right (just like I was last time)!"

*nods* I agree. (Are you getting tired of being right yet Archer? <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue -->) However, what about people who have done their homework? Who've spent months, even years, researching, meditating, etc. that then come up with a second 'kin type? Does a certain amount of "thinking about it" make a difference?

And I think that's what 'hoku was trying to get at. Not so much someone going "hey I was this but now I'm this" over and over again but more that someone's simply started to notice a new, uh, facet of themselves. I know I've started noticing things about myself that were there all the time but until recently I didn't pay any attention to for whatever reason.

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2010-04-12 19:57
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Post: #6
Re: Second Awakening
I've had a second awakening.

I thought with full certainty that I was a wolf therian, and I went with this for about a year. In the early days, I bounced back and forth with gray wolf and red wolf, landed on gray wolf, and even narrowed it down to a subspecies (Great Plains).

And then, a few months later, everything came crashing down on me, and I knew I was just kidding myself. But I thought I was still otherkin.

Now I consider myself an angel, which I'm taking careful steps with looking into, because I don't want to lead myself down a path into calamity, like last time. However, a part of me is saying, "I kind of always knew I was a celestial" which is a feeling I never had when I thought I was a wolf therian, but another part of me says that I can't know for sure, and that I still need to look into this, and be careful while doing so.

It's hard, going through another awakening. Much of it is admitting that you're wrong, but it also feels as though you lost your identity a little bit. Think about it. You've gone around thinking that you're X, and then you suddenly lose that label that you felt made you, well, you.

But things get better after that tough realization, because then you start over again from scratch, or you just realize you're human.

Live and learn.

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2010-04-12 22:22
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Post: #7
Re: Second Awakening
The only way I've come close to something like this is when I started to really question if my pull towards something more feline was a kinside or not. I've done a little bit of looking into it, but to be perfectly honest, I'm not 100% on what that whole aspect means, and how I should address it. But like I did when I awakened angelic, if there is something more to the cattishness, I'm going to try and ignore it as long as I possibly can. Whether it's meaningful or not, I'm most definitely in that "DENY EVERYTHING!!" stage about it, simply because I rather like not being overly fantastical in my claims. I don't want to admit to anything else because I don't want to shatter my pride. *snort*

So I suppose I can't offer any "been there, done that" insight... but if "being here, doing this, too" helps anyone at all, I got that.

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2010-04-13 2:23
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Post: #8
Re: Second Awakening
I actually don't really remember a lot about the whole discovery that some of us have theriotypes. Can't say much about that process without digging up old journal entries. >.>

We've also had a few experiences equivalent to awakening...not really sure what to say about them, other than that the more we're blindsided by it, the more tendency there is to mutter about how we thought we were done with "this" etc. Working on accepting the fact that change doesn't just stop happening (or else there's something very wrong going on).

-Shaynin

ETA: Okay, so within 30 seconds of saying I don't know what else to add, I've got something. Way things go for us. :/ Having been through as many revelations as we have, the fear of being disbelieved grows. We're so far from normal we can't always see it from our backyard. We're generally comfortable asking questions, being asked questions, and having a certain degree of doubt when it comes to most of the weird but it does make us pretty self-conscious. As if we weren't already. T.T Our twitchiness about verification and finding others like us in this world has ratcheted up, too, seeing as our gateway is the thing we doubt the most and are still grappling to accept fully. The other end of the gateway is in the place that a majority of us used to call Home and there are a good number of people here who are, if everything is as we believe, recent arrivals from the other end. Where we were slowly coming to the conclusion that it wasn't so vital to us to find others, we've gone back to being pretty fervent about it.

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2010-04-13 3:39
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kahoku
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Post: #9
Re: Second Awakening
Elinox Wrote:Not so much someone going "hey I was this but now I'm this" over and over again but more that someone's simply started to notice a new, uh, facet of themselves.

yes, that... a second kin type, not a totally new one. although the latter might be as confusing as the first.

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2010-04-13 8:42
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Post: #10
Re: Second Awakening
Well, I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about it publically, mostly because I'm still unsure, but since you've throw me in the spotlight so to speak 'hoku, here goes. <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue -->

For the past 8 months or so, I've been wondering if I have a second theriotype. I've been experiencing phantom limbs, a stronger than average call to the sea and several intense meditations/energy sessions where I've come to believe what I'm experiencing is either a second theriotype trying to make itself known, or something totemic trying to get my attention. The evidence I've collected so far points to the former. However, I am still leery to admit this as it's very possible that it's all in my head and some stupid, subconscious plea to be 'different than all the wolf therians'. Either way, I'm still researching and trying to figure stuff out. I'm also trying not to jump the gun here even though the evidence, at least in my mind, points to the very real explanation of me having a second, aquatic theriotype.

I've also been hesitant of announcing this for several reasons: the biggest being that I'm not even sure if it's legitimate or not yet. However, there's also the whole "was I right about wolf in the first place?", or "is this just for attention/to be different", or "am I delusional?" and of course "will people believe me or call bullshit?" Doubt, gotta' love it. <!-- s:roll: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" title="Rolling Eyes" /><!-- s:roll: -->

I remember choosing to identify with the term 'therian' (what I call my 're-awakening' since I've always been this way) as very easy. I had these feelings and instincts and finding the term for it was natural; a simple conclusion to something that's been with me my entire life. However this go around, I'm hesitant, nervous and unhappy with what seems like the obvious answer. I've always been drawn to the sea, and it seems like an unnaturally strong pull too. I've always loved being in the water and one of my favorite games as a kid was pretending to be a dolphin or a mermaid. Granted, this does not a therian make, however add to that the persistent phantom limbs and the repeated meditation results and I'm led to believe it's true. Again though, I'm trying not to just add labels to myself or be "different". I'm really trying to take this slowly and by doing research.

So I'm still not claiming anything official yet as I want to continue researching. Thoughts and questioning are always welcome, thanks.

As a side note: I don't doubt my being a wolf. I think this is either a second theriotype or a totem.

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2010-04-13 13:52
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