Relationships Within A Multiple System

I have a few questions for multiples in general, but they are somewhat personal, so feel free to tell me to go away lol.

1. How do you deal with shifting during a sexual experience? What about those with different genders in their system?

2. How do you deal with relationships? Do you allow each personality/person to have individual partners, either romantically or sexually? Does each person have their own set of friends?

3. If you're married, how does multiplicity effect your spouse?

Littlechris Wrote:I have a few questions for multiples in general, but they are somewhat personal, so feel free to tell me to go away lol.

1. How do you deal with shifting during a sexual experience? What about those with different genders in their system?

2. How do you deal with relationships? Do you allow each personality/person to have individual partners, either romantically or sexually? Does each person have their own set of friends?

3. If you're married, how does multiplicity effect your spouse?

1. Thank whoever that I stopped having sex long before finding out about Gabriel or us ever switching who was fronting (been single for 10 months plus promised myself no sex until at least a hand-fasting ceremony). Gabriel would do a mental "Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" sort of thing before he made himself known--or he'd lock himself in his "room" and turn the "music" up really loud.

2. We haven't been in any relationship since I was aware of him, and I'm honestly scared to go into one. It helps that there are no guys down here that fit the description of what we would like in a guy. No, we will never have different partners--we consider it a form of cheating for that to happen since we share the same body. And, sexually, we have the same exact taste in men that we'd have no issue sharing the same person. No, we both have the same exact set of friends, but that's because if I let him have his way, there'd be almost no straight guys around (he'll forget that he's in a female body and therefore doesn't need to find only gay guys) and I really don't feel like dating a gay guy. Granted, sometimes I would enjoy a meeting new people.

3. Not married.

--Sarah

Littlechris Wrote:1. How do you deal with shifting during a sexual experience? What about those with different genders in their system?

This is a bit more contentious than the ups and downs of the toilet seat, and it's not just gender, it's also orientation. It's part of why we now require a unanimous vote of all who can be wakened before any of us can enter into a relationship: Any of us could wake up during sex and we'd rather not have any more surprise (or coerced) unpleasantness.

Fortunately, our unintentional switches are usually triggered by noticing something that the new frontrunner considers important, but unfortunately this can include things that have nothing to do with sex: particular songs, things that trigger past-life memories, and so forth. So, although I'm sure it'll cause us internal grief at some point, we just don't get into the situation unless everyone can stand the thought of accidentally switching in on sex with that person. We're also likely to negotiate with future partners beforehand so that we aren't "surprised" with an activity that would be okay for some of us but not others.

Littlechris Wrote:2. How do you deal with relationships? Do you allow each personality/person to have individual partners, either romantically or sexually? Does each person have their own set of friends?

We prefer to have several of us in a relationship with the same person, so that no one is time-cheated (either because the one in the relationship is largely absent for a while or because the one in the relationship monopolizes frontrunning). That is, however, only a preference and not a deal-breaker.

Most of us are either polyamorous or asexual. The former makes things much easier.

We generally have a consensus about whether we like people or not, so we have the same friends and at least can be friends with others' significant others. And there's a strong "me too" sentiment when it comes to friendship, at least.

Littlechris Wrote:3. If you're married, how does multiplicity effect your spouse?

We're not and don't plan to be. Having a relationship with many of us, as opposed to one, would make it more likely that we'll end up in a nonmarried primary relationship with that person. (A "primary" in polyamorous terms is someone to whom one has the same level of commitment and connection as a spouse; marriage may or may not be part of it, and a person can have more than one primary.) Even if we don't deliberately give that sort of person priority over someone who only has a relationship with one or few, the more important one is to more of us, the more time we end up investing in that relationship.

-Rhun

Littlechris Wrote:I have a few questions for multiples in general, but they are somewhat personal, so feel free to tell me to go away lol.

1. How do you deal with shifting during a sexual experience? What about those with different genders in their system?

Generally speaking we don't shift during. Unless is for a very specific reason, we consider that time to be exclussively for which ever one of us is on surface. Which isn't to say we don't watch, we just try not to interupt or interfere with what goes on. Besides there are times when interuptions would be a very bad idea.... anyhow.... As for different genders within? For the most part we give that as much weight as different hair colour within. The body is not about to change anytime soon. We really don't want it to change permanently.

Littlechris Wrote:2. How do you deal with relationships? Do you allow each personality/person to have individual partners, either romantically or sexually? Does each person have their own set of friends?

We are all madly in love with the same person. So at the moment we all share the same partner and are very glad to do so. And our friends overlap, though those that know that we are multiple might have some of us around the surface more than others, having completely seperate sets of friends just isn't something we do. *shrugs*

Littlechris Wrote:3. If you're married, how does multiplicity effect your spouse?

Face was married before he became aware of us. He is no longer married to her. As much as she might have helped a bit while Face was trying to get his bearings on what was going on, in the end she didn't like that we were many. And we knew that we did not all precisely mesh with her. *sighs* Not that we found out about her dislike at the time, no that little gem was saved until after. Was it what ended things? No, things were disfunctional enough as it were. But it probably didn't help things any.
That our current partner loves and accepts all of us, has helped us immensely in getting to where we are now. And none of this may precisely answer your question. All we have are the results of who we are being accepted or not. We try to cooperate within and not pull people into the odd internal quarrel. This is who we are, it isn't about to change any time soon. For the most part we will try not to freak anyone getting to know us (some will try on purpose just because - well maybe).. but the how we can't see there being any difference in the how in any relationship, save in degree and how often that may impact them.

Tears & Raven

Topic split because this can start a whole new thread. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s -->
And it worked the first time I changed it!

Elinox Wrote:Topic split because this can start a whole new thread. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s -->
And it worked the first time I changed it!

Thanks for that, I should have thought to do it myself <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s -->
And well done for doing it first time!

We haven't had much experience in the relationship department, but whatever.

Littlechris Wrote:1. How do you deal with shifting during a sexual experience? What about those with different genders in their system?

We've never had a sexual experience in this life. However, I'm going to make the assumption that we'll respect each other's personal space, like we normally do.

Quote:2. How do you deal with relationships? Do you allow each personality/person to have individual partners, either romantically or sexually? Does each person have their own set of friends?

Yriela's not really much for personal relationships, so for her that's a no, but Krae does occassionally get crushes on various guys, and occassionally plays a tease towards others that she just wants to mess with. This is entirely online, though. Most of the time, though, I kind of hog the body (not on purpose of course- force of habit) and Krae takes a backseat to the world. We're working on improving the balance on how we approach fronting, though.

Quote:3. If you're married, how does multiplicity effect your spouse?

Not married, obviously, but I tend to try to make sure that someone is willing to accept every part of me when dating them, to prevent them finding out by accident a few months later and viciously crushing my heart because they can't stand it.

Littlechris Wrote:1. How do you deal with shifting during a sexual experience? What about those with different genders in their system?

My other half has never fronted (I say fronted because we do not "shift") during any kind of sexual experience. If he did, my main concern would be why he was feeling the urge to perv around.

Quote:2. How do you deal with relationships? Do you allow each personality/person to have individual partners, either romantically or sexually? Does each person have their own set of friends?

My other half has very little interest in relationships with the outside world (he's not a human or any kind of social creature - he's a fragment of an energy being). He has occassionally spoken to people I know and often has opinions on them, which might not mesh with my own.

Quote:3. If you're married, how does multiplicity effect your spouse?

I'm not married, nor do I particularly want to be.

Since I'm the one who fronts the most, I guess I'll answer from my POV.

Littlechris Wrote:1. How do you deal with shifting during a sexual experience? What about those with different genders in their system?

We haven't shifted. But the few times there have been sex, the others know what's happening if they're there at the time. I know this, because one time I sat through it. It's been decided that, among other reasons, no sex in this body.

Quote:2. How do you deal with relationships? Do you allow each personality/person to have individual partners, either romantically or sexually? Does each person have their own set of friends?

I'm ok with being polyamorous as long as everyone involved knows and is ok with it. If the others were going to have romantic relationships, I'd want their partners to know that this is a multiple system (so there are others in here they might talk or interact with), and hopefully everyone can get along to some extent.

Quote:3. If you're married, how does multiplicity effect your spouse?

No spouse, and it would be odd to get married for me anyway unless I wanted children. The others generally feel that they should take partners in their native realms or that marriage isn't for them anyway.

Littlechris Wrote:1. How do you deal with shifting during a sexual experience? What about those with different genders in their system?

Well, the truth is we don't shift. I hadn't heard of "fronting" until I came here. Kanii and Evin have never expressed interest in fronting unless it was to post in a thread or fix something. (Evin is our little OCD.) Other than that, it's just me. Usually for sexual stuff, intimate time with the significant other, or drinking, Kanii and Evin don't hang around. Kanii's rather gifted at astral projection (she IS pure energy) and so she'll take Evin places and come back when she deams its fit for him to return. Kinda like a babysitter, she checks on me every now and again so that I stay out of trouble, well, that is when she can do something about it.

Littlechris Wrote:2. How do you deal with relationships? Do you allow each personality/person to have individual partners, either romantically or sexually? Does each person have their own set of friends?

I have a boyfriend right now. He doesn't know about either Kanii or Evin however he does know that I'm a sanguarian. He's my donor so it'd be kinda hard for him not to notice. XD Since Kanii and Evin view this as my life and my body, they don't normally say much unless they feel like I should know something about someone or think I would like to be informed. Kanii's not interested in others really. She's got Evin who she loves to take care of and Evin's still pretty young to like anyone.

Littlechris Wrote:3. If you're married, how does multiplicity effect your spouse?

I'm not married and I'm not sure if I ever want to be. Once again, my multiplicity doesn't really affect our relationship because its me 99% of the time.