Pirate Jokes

Post your favorite pirate jokes here!

Person #1 "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
Person #2 "What's the name of his other leg?"

So a pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel down his pants. His takes a seat at the bar and as the barman comes to offer the pirate a drink, he asks, "Do you know you've got a steering wheel down your pants?"
To which the pirate replies, "Aaaaarrrrrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

What's a pirates favorite letter? Aaaaaaaarrrrrrr!

my fav pirate joke is a little longer... (and sorry i cannot do the pirate accent so this one will speak plain english.)

a young boy, who wants to become a reporter, walks into a bar. there's an old pirate sitting at the counter, he has an eyepatch, a hook instead of a right hand, and a wooden leg. the boy walks over to him, pays him a drink or three, and the pirate is more than willing to talk about his adventures.
after a while, the boy points at the wooden leg and asks: "may i ask what happened to your leg?"
the pirate answers: "well, it was a stormy day, the waves were as high as mountains, and suddenly there came this giant wave and made me fall off my ship! unfortunately, there were sharks in the water, one of them bit my leg off."
the boy shudders. "that must have hurt... and what about this?" he points at the hook
the pirate grins. "it was during a raid - i was fencing with a, hm, customer, and suddenly he reached out and cut off my hand. that's why i got this hook."
the boy nods. "and what about the eye?"
this time, the pirate looks a little embarrassed. "well, it was a lovely, sunny day, we were just preparing to dock, when i looked up, and there was this seagull sitting on the mast, pooping right into my eye."
the boy blinks. "but... you don't get blind from that?"
"no", the pirat mumbles, "but it was my first day with the hook..."

Elinox Wrote:So a pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel down his pants. His takes a seat at the bar and as the barman comes to offer the pirate a drink, he asks, "Do you know you've got a steering wheel down your pants?"
To which the pirate replies, "Aaaaarrrrrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

ROFLMAO.

Mine is a slight variant of 'hoku's:

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender recognizes him and calls him over. "Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile. What happened to you?"

The pirate replies, "Oh, just a couple of weeks at sea. It's no big deal."

The bartender continues: "Well, what about that peg leg? You didn't have that before."

The pirate replies, "Well, I was in a battle and a cannonball blew it off, but I'm ok now."

The bartender continues: "Well, what about that hook hand? You didn't have that before."

The pirate replies, "Well, I was in another battle and my hand got chopped off, but I'm ok now."

The bartender continues: "Well what about that eye patch? You didn't have that before."

The pirate replies, "Well, we were sailing out at sea when I looked up and a seagull pooped in my eye."

The bartender stares at him. "You lost your eye from bird poop?"

The pirate replies, "It was my first day with the hook."

it sounds better when you tell it, deros. i had to translate it from german, which doesn't make it sound natural. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt=":(" title="Sad" /><!-- s -->

what did the pirate say when he walked into a bar and saw a ninja sitting in his favorite seat?
a) "yarr! he found where i stick me booty!"
b) nothing, he was already dead by the time he touched the doorknob
c) trick question, he DIDN'T see the ninja, and when he tried to sit down he was killed
d) "VANTALUS! get out of your own stupid joke!"

If I may lend a machete to the intellectual thicket(I HAD to say it):
One pirate said to his fellow crewmate, "Arrrgh, that be a fine looking hook and peg leg ye got for ye'self!"
The pirate replied, "I should think so, it cost me an arm and a leg!

simim23 Wrote:If I may lend a machete to the intellectual thicket(I HAD to say it):
One pirate said to his fellow crewmate, "Arrrgh, that be a fine looking hook and peg leg ye got for ye'self!"
The pirate replied, "I should think so, it cost me an arm and a leg!

LAWL!

kahoku Wrote:it sounds better when you tell it, deros. i had to translate it from german, which doesn't make it sound natural. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt=":(" title="Sad" /><!-- s -->

Don't sell yourself short, yours was better, imho (No offense, Deros)

Xanthus Wrote:

kahoku Wrote:it sounds better when you tell it, deros. i had to translate it from german, which doesn't make it sound natural. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt=":(" title="Sad" /><!-- s -->

Don't sell yourself short, yours was better, imho (No offense, Deros)

None taken. I'm happy with even one piece of positive feedback.