Phoenix kin

I noticed there wasn't a mythical kin forum anymore! So I'll just stick this here.

I've come to realize that my phoenix form only comes out at very specific times. Those are times when all hope is lost, when I feel I've exhausted all possibilities and I really am stuck somewhere, and I'm about ready to kill myself for real this time... then my phoenix rises from within. It gives me two things: The strength to carry on, and inspiration for how to fix whatever it is that's going on - something I didn't see before. Or sometimes, simply the strength to wait until something DOES come along, a day or 2 later. It's truly a feeling unlike any other...and it comes in handy a lot, as you can probably gather <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s -->

But, a thought struck me, and I know everyone isn't suicidal so please don't beat the discussion into the ground just because you can't relate.
I think that my phoenix form could either be:
A) A totem, or
B) One of those archetypes that exists within the human psyche, that I simply interpret as a "form" because it's easy and effective to do so. (Which, in my book, would technically make it a totem..lol)

Input from other phoenix kin, or others who have considered suicide, would be very helpful and appreciated. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s -->

hmm.. well, I myself consider myself to be a phoenix to a large degree. In that, I mean that the Phoenix aspect of me actually affects my entire being, not just when she shifts into the foreground. But with me, it tends to be as the fire gets "hotter" i.e. More stresses are being put on in my life, etc, I get more frustrated and immolate more, thereby making myself MORE "hot" and fiery. It gets to a certain point, then I utterly "immolate" on an energy level, which can take a while. The last time I immolated, getting to the point of a shift was in March. I was enraged that entire month over things beyond my control, and was immolating almost constantly trying to ignore the energies around me. When I finally "exploded" was the same time I had a mental breakdown, a nervous breakdown, and some other things, which also affected me physically.

that doesnt always happen, but it does tend to be around the time I'm getting out of the area. Its like, all that energy gets pushed toward getting me out. I think I'm close to another eruption.. simply because of the emotional bull... I've had to deal with for the last few months.

Because of the fact that it's part of my personality as a whole, rather than just an aspect, I dont tend to get random feel-good-times. I have a harder time giving up on life itself- I have never fully contemplated outright killing myself. I have however contemplated getting away from society as a whole, and going off to live in the woods somewhere and going up to shake the hand of a bear or something.. but not bringing a weapon to myself.

I dont give up easily.. and when I do, like lately, it's scary for me. I always have some form of hope, although sometimes for hours on end I will feel as if all hope is lost and I am trapped and broken... but then usually something happens and I go back to normal.

My scariest moments though are when I feel absolutely nothing. No sadness, no rage, no happiness, no hope, no despair. THAT is terrifying.

Spanky Wrote:I think that my phoenix form could either be:
A) A totem, or
B) One of those archetypes that exists within the human psyche, that I simply interpret as a "form" because it's easy and effective to do so. (Which, in my book, would technically make it a totem..lol)

Well, I haven't been suicidal and I'm no birdie, but I agree that option B is basically a totem as well.

From a more psychological (science-y) point of view, I think the human archetype option may be true. One of the most amazing things about humans is the plasticity of our minds, and our ability to recover from even the most scarring events (given the right circumstances). That's why the phoenix presents such clear symbolism in literature (think, Harry Potter, Fahrenheit 451, Lady Lazarus, etc.)

So, I think the phoenix imagery you're experiencing may certainly be purely human....but whatever it is, I hope it continues to give you strength.

I have a phoenix aspect too, but wouldn't go so far as to call it a personality or a kin type. I do have a strong birdy side and sometimes the birdy does go up in flames. It's sort of a mental shift that tears away the old boundaries for a short time at least. It does hurt, but it also feels good because I can finally stretch out for a bit. It's sort of a halfway suicide, anything that isn't compatible with that energy goes up in smoke, sometimes things I've gotten attached to. But I generally feel better afterwards.

Some randomness to add:

I found this that I wrote while listing some of my "sides" back when I was obsessed with separating and categorizing them. This was about a year and a half ago. Portions I edited just now, for clarification (and addition of new, more current ideas) are in bold.

Quote:~Phoenix~
Contrary to popular belief, a phoenix is NOT a "fire bird". Rather, it is a fire elemental spirit which somewhat resembles a bird although they do not have any one definite form and can appear in just about any shape imaginable. A winged form seems to be the most common, however. They are capable of burning themselves out and being reborn through fire and ash, and thus are immortal - this can be taken symbolically, metaphorically or literally in terms of visualization and/or "magick"/metaphysics. Generally, this concept is associated with renewed willpower and determination, or new ideas and new paths. When shifted to phoenix form, I do not feel phantom sensations, nor do I feel as if I am in any sort of body at all. I simply am; my energy is expansive and the limits of myself are not clearly defined. I get very strong urges to dance and sing, as if the music and the fire within were both guiding me.

Where did you get this information from? I would like to look up more.

A phoenix can become fire, from my understanding. Also, there are more than one type of phoenix. You have the larger phoenix from dry hot regions which most people know. One "sub-species" or cousin, the azeron, is smaller in size like a hawk and live in more of a jungle setting. The azeron phoenix I know is mostly blue and yellow with 4 spiked tufts of feathers on its back.

You may wonder if this phoenix is from a humid region how it retains its fire. I believe it has much to do with it's smaller size. Being smaller it can maintain its heat better. In its jungle setting the azeron phoenix makes several sheltered nests for those sudden rains.

WhiteFox Wrote:Where did you get this information from? I would like to look up more.

This is all based on my personal experience.

Spanky Wrote:

WhiteFox Wrote:Where did you get this information from? I would like to look up more.

This is all based on my personal experience.

I see.