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Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
Malakoi
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Post: #1
Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
I still have these really intense phantom sensations almost every day. I can feel how every part of my body matches (or doesn't) with this phantom body. Often, there is a sharp or dull pain at places where the two forms intersect, making me generally dislike moving.
I've tried to focus and 'feel out' every curve or angle or line but it usually results in an increase of intensity of the pain. I wish I didn't experience this at all and find my phantom body to be nothing but a troublesome burden, but at times I feel somewhat obsessed with the need to know how all these seemingly jumbled parts fit together, despite the discomfort.
Lately, I have been having dreams in which a person will say in a very innocuous manner that I am trying too hard to "fit", with no explanation and entirely out of the context of the dream. It has occurred to me that these things may be related.
I fear I am losing my mind. Sigh.

I have been interacting with Asteroi, assuming I am not hallucinating, for a while now and they seem to think I am one of them, or, at least, that I'm cool to hang out with for some reason. I decided at some point to tentatively agree. However, the picture of "me" that I have "seen", and the one that the Asteroi seem to respond to, does not correspond to the phantom sensations. I believe that I share some kind of energetic compatibility with Asteroi (though that could possibly be related more to vampirism than anything else) but since they don't talk, they can't really explain why they like me. I feel that after all the physical agony of this invisible, impossible form that I must be experiencing some kind of psychosis or neurological problem. However, the only medical professionals that I've discussed it with assure me that neither of these things are occurring. Well, actually, I'll have to double check on the neurological abnormalities some time next month, but if the results of prior testing are to be believed, I'm more or less fit in the cranial region.

Anyway, that was more simple venting than anything else. Can't imagine that many people would have anything to say in response.

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2009-08-28 7:46
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Miniar
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Post: #2
Re: Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
Malakoi Wrote:I've tried to focus and 'feel out' every curve or angle or line but it usually results in an increase of intensity of the pain. I wish I didn't experience this at all and find my phantom body to be nothing but a troublesome burden, but at times I feel somewhat obsessed with the need to know how all these seemingly jumbled parts fit together, despite the discomfort.

The answer is right in front of you.

It's possible that you're spending Far too much energy on obsessing about your phantom body and how it doesn't fit with the physical. If you'd just relax and quit fussing with it so much, you might find a reduction in the level of discomfort.

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"Those who can't approach discussion with a basic level of intelligence and maturity shouldn't expect to be taken seriously." ~ Qualia Soup
2009-08-28 11:05
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Malakoi
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Post: #3
Re: Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
Ah, a minor one, perhaps, but nothing more. It is significantly painful to move, though there is no (obvious) physical reason as to why this would be happening. If I don't think about it, it doesn't go away.

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2009-08-28 20:19
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Post: #4
Re: Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
Malakoi Wrote:Lately, I have been having dreams in which a person will say in a very innocuous manner that I am trying too hard to "fit", with no explanation and entirely out of the context of the dream. It has occurred to me that these things may be related.

In the words of Bob Dylan:

"Got a message this morning
The one that was sent to me
About the madness of becomming
What was never meant to be"

For now at least, trying to focus on your energy body (either of the two forms) doesn't seem to be helping you. Have you tried taking a time out - say, a month - in which you just 100% focus on getting on with "normal" life and paying no attention to the Asteroi/otherkin/energy side of things? Not actively ignoring it, because that takes energy - but just focussing your energy elsewhere?

Ubi Dubium, Ibi Libertas

Quote:"I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood."

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2009-08-28 21:54
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Malakoi
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Post: #5
Re: Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
That's what I was doing during the majority of high school. Eventually, things started rearing heads more frequently and became harder to ignore to the point where I turned into a major recluse, terrified that people would notice that something weird was going on with me (or, Iago, at that time, mostly). Once I started to dedicate a little more time to it and seek answers, and definitely after the Asteroi started coming around, it calmed down somewhat (everything but the phantom body, anyway, which seems to only scream "Look at me! OMG, you simply must pay attention!" more and more as time goes on) and I resumed a relatively normal lifestyle.

I've been trying to practice something along the lines of energetic fine motor control skills to kind of make the two bodies work together so I don't get out of shape because of the pain. The results are hit or miss, but other than some modifications to my clothes, it seems like the only thing to do.

Thank you for the suggestions, though. =]

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2009-08-30 2:24
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Miniar
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Post: #6
Re: Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
Have you seen a doc about the pain and ruled out any "mundane" reasons?

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2009-08-30 10:57
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Malakoi
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Post: #7
Re: Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
Yes, on more than one occasion with more than one physician. There is no obvious physical cause.

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2009-08-31 0:55
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Post: #8
Re: Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
There's no "obvious" physical cause for my issues either but I've pressed for a proper diagnosis anyway.

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2009-08-31 13:32
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Malakoi
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Post: #9
Re: Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
What I mean is that the physicians who checked me out all concluded that AFATK, there was nothing going on physically that would cause the feelings I have. On one occasion, a thorough neurological exam was also done and there was no culprit there that was readily visible. Also, since this pain is nearly constant but not debilitating in any way, nor is it damaging my body over time, I am not in a position to force a conclusive answer from the doctors who are barely willing to schedule an appointment with me in the first place. Neurologists have examined me, and my brother who has had strange, fleeting symptoms of another nature, and have admitted to simply being stumped. It has been suggested that there may be some genetic problem in my family but I cannot afford to have this confirmed. I would not even remotely consider that this pain is caused by something other than my body or brain except that it relates to a phantom body that is not human which somewhat coincides with a lifelong secret identity and psychological and behavioral traits I have noticed in myself and that three doctors have told me that they simply haven't heard of anything like it, and that there is no physical reason why it should happening.
Also, I do not plan to give up seeking a medical explanation. I am simply too poor to continue at the moment. As medical research advances, I actually hope that somebody will discover a cure that will rid me of this problem forever. As I've said multiple times before, I don't like this whole otherkin thing going on with me one bit. I'm part of the community to share my experience and learn about other people's but not for one second have a I thought anything but "Oh, no." when confronted with the idea that my nature extends beyond common human experience.

Sorry. That turned into a bit of a rant.
My frustration is evident, ne? I like my body as it is, I want to keep it healthy and in good shape. I wish all the extra would just go away.

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2009-09-01 22:58
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Chordal
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Post: #10
Re: Phantom Pains, Dreams, Blah
Asteroi? Hm...I'm missing context.

(I'm going to start another thread on a similar topic so as not to derail this one -- mods can merge the two if they're found to be similar enough later...)
2011-04-24 0:23
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