Persistence of memory

No, not the Dali painting, though it is a favourite of mine.

Much is often made of the unreliability of memory, especially "recovered" memories that we push to get to through mediation or something similar.

This is all of particular interest to me, because a neurological illness I had a couple of years ago has given me possibly permanent memory problems. Childhood friends, names, people, entire episodic chunks of my life . . . gone. It seems to be episodic memory (all my old hockey playing skills remain intact) and I generally only know something's missing when I go to look for it, but it's pretty intense. For example, while I can point to a row of about ten houses that a relative used to live in, I have no idea which one was his, and I have no memory whatsoever of the internal layout, or garden, or even how many floors it had. I only remember that there was a brown leather settee in the front room, and I think that's because I've seen a photo of it. Everything else? Complete blank. As another example, I have no memory whatsoever of one of the supervisors in my former job. I know she was female, but that's it. I can remember our boss, I can remember her replacement, but I have no idea whatsoever who she was. I don't even know if we were friends. The only reason I know she existed at all is that I remember her successor being appointed. Huge chunks of Star Trek: Voyager have simply been deleted from my brain, meaning I get to experience the awfulness anew on a regular basis.

So it's an intense and profound loss of certain seemingly random events.

But what's interesting about this all is that, as far as I can work out, all my shadow/otherkin memories seem to remain intact. Not just my memories of self, helping remind me who I am - but incidents. I remember exactly where I was sitting when I worked out my other half's name. I vividly remember all the memories I "recovered" from him. All the players in my little astral family are as clear (or opaque) as ever. It's not just subject matter though, because I have forgotten a great many friends I made online in otherkin circles. Some I still know and frequently talk to, but I have no memory of how I met them or any details of their life (on this Earth or in another life). My own memories of "other lives" (for want of a better word) are, however, intact.

What's interesting to me about all of this is that it seems those "otherkin memories" are of a fundamentally different nature from "human memories". I'm wondering - has anyone else experienced something like that?

Of course, I've not made any conclusions about what - if anything - it all means. It could mean that this world is ephemeral and the universe can't be bothered keeping the continuity clear. It could mean that my "otherkin memories" are imagination, and that my imagination has been left untouched. It could mean that those otherkin memories were stored in my shadowself, and not being a product of my brain simply weren't vulnerable to brain damage. Or it might mean nothing at all.

Still though, interesting.

I haven't really experienced it myself, but I've heard (for some people) the brain only remembers what it thinks is relevant. Everyone remembers stuff in different ways.

My mother doesn't agree with that idea. She'll ask me about incidents sometimes and finds it hard to believe why I don't remember certain parts.

Good timing Archer, the notion of memory and identity were the focus of one of my courses this week.

Anyways, the phenomena is that you suffer from memory loss that apparently is very random, but it hasn't to your knowledge impacted your Shadow memories (meaning not Memories of being a Shadow, but memories connected to that identity, such as figuring stuff out, the lurker's name, etc). It does seem odd, because you assume if a significant portions of your memories were effected at random, than by chance you'd lose something about being Shadow. So if this isn't by chance it means there is something different about Shadow memories.

So my first questions/thoughts are about your observations, cause frankly that's what we have to work with. I hinted at it above, but what about the amount of memories lost? I know you can't actually say how much you lost, but do you think that enough has been lost that it not effecting your Shadow memories is really an anomaly? Also are you geeky/anal/systematic enough to record your findings on your identity to help confirm that nothing in the shadow realm was lost?

You mentioned the Shadow memories as imagination and maybe that wasn't effected, but what about other permutations of your memory? Stories and comics you've wanted to write, are they still kicking around? Shadow memories being safe cause they are stored in your Shadow self I'd disagree with. Bias-up, it doesn't fit into my model, but also your memories as mentioned include this-life stuff relevant to the Shadow identity, which I don't see how/why those would be stored in the Shadow self. I also don't think most people have such an easy/strong/active connection with their Higher Self. You mentioned that hockey wasn't affected, was that just muscle-memory or did that include information? If it included information, sorry to simplify you, but perhaps memories that are important to your creation of self-identity weren't affected. Do you know if you lost memories that were intrinsically related to your identity? You mentioned the family house for example, but most of our don't situate our identities in our extended family, only close family tend to reflect our personality.

Now if i were to include myself in the sample though we get a different animal. I find my memories, this life and past lives, tend to be prone to the same slow decay/loss, with relevant/important memories being resistant. I've gone back through journals, and read past life memories that almost make me think someone else was writing in my books (in my writing...) and some that make me go "Oh yeah..." What I remember tends to be the more important aspects, and what I draw or have drawn meaning and identity from. Of course, like most memories (interpersonal use of the word regarding the function, rather than the intrapersonal use of the word related to stored information) I have really random vivid memories that I can't shake, even though they are of no relevance to my life or identity. This life; the view from my isolated crib when I was dying the second time, or carrying a plant up the stairs when my Grandma moved. Past life; sitting at my desk after school was dismissed because I didn't want to go home, or star gazing on a snow-blown windy night. Meaningless on a surface level to my identity and history, but they don't seem to fade. When I add imagination into the mix, again it reacts the same. Fictional worlds for stories I've written or want to write seem to fade or stay largely based on their importance and withdraw.

Anyways, those would be my initial thoughts on this, obviously a touch slanted to the relevance of identity-formation memories cause of my readings and writings this week, but none the less I think I still hit most of what I wanted to.