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Outlining whatever this body is. (Dealing with wings)
Chordal
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Post: #1
Outlining whatever this body is. (Dealing with wings)
I've gotten a better sense of what I'm feeling to be my "default" energetic form. I am not entirely sure what it means, at this point.

As some of you may remember, I work in a library, and part of my job is shelving books. I did run across a book about a month ago which seemed to be about the transition from dinosaur to bird, but the images I saw of the transitory wings weren't quite like the ones I've imagined for myself (my wings are closer to modified batlike wings with recessed webs, than to bird wings with clustered claws).

Again, this has to do with having feathers overlaying the fingers of large, skeletally-supported wings. These fingers can flex (causing the disjointment of the feathers) and move somewhat independently, though I think there is an underlying system like with hands, where it's hard to isolate movement to just one finger. I'm not sure the wings are functional in the sense of flight. They may be more decorative, or for swimming (or hypnotizing prey), than anything. They're covered in shiny, almost scalelike goldish feathers.

I've also gotten the sense that whatever I am is evolved to be aquatic, with long, strong legs which appear like they come out of the top of the torso, but that's just because they're covered with feathers (in "trouser" style) and there is a thigh which is held close to the body. The appearance of the leg where it meets the body is similar to that of a Harpy Eagle or Harris Hawk, only the shins and bones of the foot (before they separate into toes) are longer. My usual reference is to a wader, like a Snowy Egret, though I think the limbs are shorter and thicker. The feet can grasp (so perching, and climbing under limbs which overhang water, is possible).

I'm not sure what's going on with the tail. I know it habitually curves back and forth a lot, kind of like a dog's or cat's tail, but I don't get the sense that I'm feline or canine. I'm wondering, actually, if it's used for swimming, though I don't get the sense that I am waterproof or that I can float like a seagull...it's more like a cormorant thing, where I can swim (with wings, and tail as a rudder), but have to dry off, because I get waterlogged. In the sense of whether it's feathered or not...I generally imagine it to be somewhat long, with a fannable cluster of feathers at the end, but again, I'm not sure of functionality. I don't know whether the fan is horizontal or vertical, though vertical is a very strong possibility which I hadn't considered.

I still don't know what the head (or head/neck) looks like, though I know I have binocular vision and am a fisher. There's a strong possibility that the neck is longer than it seems, because of being covered thickly with feathers and usually retracted. I also think the bill or beak is long and thin, but I'm not sure if it's hooked on the end like a cormorant's (more suitable for diving and catching fleeing fish; thus, more likely) or whether it's spearlike, like an egret's or heron's (more suitable for spear-fishing, which can only be done with the element of surprise). On comparing images of egrets versus cormorants, I am more strongly resonating with the cormorant-type beak (of course, it doesn't hurt that they look like dinosaurs, themselves).

I don't get the sense that my toes are webbed; I do get the sense that they're strong, clawed, and have an opposable toe (not all modern birds have the latter). And they're used to grasp things, much like we use hands.

That's what I've got. My wings have been kind of bothering me recently, because they haven't gone away. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> They've been constantly there whenever I've checked, for several weeks, at the least. Just kind of heavy, strong branches, coming out of my back. I kind of think back to that time where dude thought I was a dragon, though the difference between "dinosaur morphing into a birdlike form with an interesting mental state (considering we don't know anything about the mental state of dinosaurs)," and "dragon" is kind of hazy for me.

There's also the celestial/demon thing...which I ...have never really been too clear on, having stayed away from Celestial subforums. There is definitely the "following a spiritual calling" thing in my present lifetime, but I don't exactly see myself as a holy type. Certainly the spirituality is there, but the conviction that I am somehow "good" as relates to human value systems (considering that humans are not the center of my value system), is not. It's been something I've been trying to trust myself on, though -- that what I am is "good," in some way.

I...think I've typed myself out. I'll go get some rest...
2015-10-09 4:31
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Post: #2
Re: Outlining whatever this body is. (Dealing with wings)
Just thought I'd update this.

I've actually been thinking about this for quite a while and am questioning now whether what I described is actually an aquatic-type creature which doesn't have the capability of powered flight, but that it just feels that way because it spends most of its time, submerged. Thus, the sensation of looking down on things from above.

I had been talking to a friend about this a long time ago. My most predominant sensations are of fanning my fingers (in a wave motion, moving from pinky to thumb) and having a tail that moves back and forth horizontally. Second to that is the sensation of baring sharp, needlelike rows of teeth (which I'd thought was just a general sign of hostility) -- this is linked with "venom" in my mind. Third is the sensation of wings coming off of my back. Maybe fins? If there were four to six fins all clustered around the same area, the leg/arm confusion, plus the wings, would make sense. It would make even more sense if they were all based on a bony structure which was like a hand/arm combination, with either lengthened fingers and bones (like some of the ones which are fused in human hands) or fringed/scaled ("feathered") fingers or clawlike fingers (depending on the limb set). Fourth is the sensation of strongly gripping something.

I've not done research on aquatic animals, especially not prehistoric ones, so I don't know if what I'm thinking of is totally imaginary or could have been grounded in an alternate life. What I have run across lets me know that at one time, sea life looked really, really alien.

I recall that earlier on, I had been thinking that what I was was akin to a sea snake with long fins, instead of being limbless. One of our board members' avatars has been something that struck me (Nsashell?) -- for the lionfish image. I have tended to stay away from the batlike image of webbed wings, though I'm pretty solid on the idea that the limbs with the "feathers" are partially webbed; the "feathers" are anchored into it.

I do get the idea that it's very possible that the finger-motions are for decoration or display. For instance, if I were like a sea snake, fluttering the fingers from rear to front would cause backwards motion in the water and attention-grabbing (good as a warning of toxicity if I were brightly colored). However, I tend to do this most when I'm just pondering things. Powerful downward thrusts with the wings and hands (I have not differentiated these yet; I was working on a mammalian, four-limbed model which doesn't make sense with human arms as fins, and then wings coming out of the upper back, and legs/feet rooted around the same area that act like hands) would cause rapid upward motion. That, and (however rudimentary) wings, for that matter, might help with catching prey which tried to jump out of the water -- by going airborne for a short distance. Having a set of strong claws would help with climbing out of the water, to ambush prey from overhanging branches above. I'm no longer certain that the claws/legs are long (it would certainly help with climbing if they were), but they are strong, sharp, and have a good grip. The grip is really what stands out, to me.

I've also never really made a drawing of this body that had a short neck. It's like I can't imagine myself with a short neck. The head has been snakelike with backward-pointing, needlelike teeth; the cormorant idea I mentioned in the last post, only appeared recently. The idea that there is something to climb up on at all speaks to living in an area where sea and land meet. I'm fairly certain this is a sea animal...though I don't know why.

I'm trying to think on whether this is realistic at all, or if it matters if it is realistic at all. Just thought I'd share, and try and think this out...
2015-10-31 3:55
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Chordal
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Post: #3
Re: Outlining whatever this body is. (Dealing with wings)
I think I've got a little bit of a handle on what is going on with the legs/wings/arms.

The limbs sprouting out of my upper back feel like giant, elongated hands. There is another set of limbs which corresponds to my arms and hands in this body, in function; however, in actuality, they map to rear limbs. There are no "legs" in the sense of human legs to speak of in the form I'm referencing. Just claws and fins/wings. My feet in the alternate form would be the strong grasping claws, originating somewhat high up on the trunk, near my shoulders. My arms in the alternate form are the fins/wings, which branch off of my back.

I strongly get the sense that I'm vertebrate and bony, but I don't know enough about biology to go much further than that.
2015-11-01 2:06
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Post: #4
Re: Outlining whatever this body is. (Dealing with wings)
Reading your description of hand/wings with long fingers and floating/flying immediately brings to mind sea slugs or nudibranches. Or, more specifically, the blue glaucus.

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2015-11-02 18:15
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Post: #5
Re: Outlining whatever this body is. (Dealing with wings)
Hi Eli,

Long time coming, but thought I'd reply. I've been actually thinking about this a lot and trying to feel it out. I seriously get the feeling of jointed wings at my shoulders, and arms as my legs, plus a thumping tail (when I lie on my side)...I made a quick sketch of it last night, but am uncertain where it is safe to post otherkin/therian imagery.

On top of that, I'm not certain this is a therian form, more than an imaginative one, given that thought may be more important to existence than I realized...
2015-12-04 5:26
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