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Other from birth?
Seraphyna
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Post: #1
Other from birth?
Someone asked a question on a forum I belong to the other day: What was your first otherkin memory? This got me thinking. I remember being a kid and always feeling more comfortable when pretending to be an animal. I would either play “animals” with friends where we’d each be a different animal, just being an animal. I also recall playing “lion pride” which was probably spurred on by the release of The Lion King. Was that just kids being kids? Well, for my friends it probably was, but for me it was deeper it was different. I wasn’t just playing animals because it was fun. I was playing animals because I identified with them. I always felt more myself when not having to be human. That being said, was I conscious of that being true at the time? Not in so many words, but really the question is this: “Can a child be aware of such things?” I certainly wasn’t raised to believe in reincarnation or non-human identities…I was raised Catholic. In my child’s brain being an animal felt good and that was good enough to make “animals” the game of choice.

What really got me thinking further was reading some replies from other people. Someone posted that they had centaur-like experiences which prodded loose memories from my youth, specifically that I would often “gallop” when I ran. As a child, I often did not run like a human I would gallop in a sort of running motion where my right hip would be turned slightly so my right foot would kind of stomp and my left would shuffle-stomp in response. It’s what I would think of as a human’s attempt at galloping. I don’t recall me associating this always with playing animals as a horse or pretending to be a centaur, it’s just something I did because it felt good at the time. So that got me thinking more and more about what I did, how I behaved, as a child.

I remember, once I learned how to swim, always being at home in the water and wishing I could breathe underwater. I also recall that I’ve pretty much always swam like a mermaid, with my legs together moving up and down like a fluke or mermaid’s tail. The release of The Little Mermaid certainly spurred me on with the whole mermaid thing to the point where I’d pretend I was a mermaid in the bathtub. I recall people always remarking on me being a fish because of how much I loved the water and loved to swim, especially underwater.

Enter pets. Now, I had everything from fish to hermit crabs to a dog, but I only really identified with my dog. Part of me attributes my keen senses of smell and hearing to growing up with a dog, but really that’s almost certainly my genes. Anyway, being close to a canine brought about a whole new set of child’s “quirks”. It changed playing animals from shuffling around on my hands and knees to trying to walk around on my hands and feet, my body lengthwise hovering above the floor, trying to do the whole opposite hand and foot movement that quadrupeds do. It also brought about the urge to greet my dog like wolves and many big cats do, rubbing faces or the top of the head along another animal’s cheek. I also found myself identifying more and more with predatory feline species (big cats) and also found myself not just wanting to be able to move like one in the four-legged sense, but also circling and laying down like one with my legs curled around and my head on my hands.

School time! I recall playing animals, lions, galloping at school, but I also recall finding myself growling when provoked and trying to roar properly. Stupid human vocal chords. The growling had persisted to this day; it’s kind of become a response to being provoked in an anger sense as well as a defensive type of thing. I also found myself thinking that my dog and other animals understood me better than other humans could and feeling more and more at home outside in the water or the local nature preserve than inside. I also recall wishing I could’ve been born an animal and not a human. I think the galloping thing ended around middle school as did playing animals, but the mermaid swimming behavior and growling never went away, nor did the curling up like a canine/feline with my legs tucked around and my head on my hands. I found myself crouching a lot, in a squat with my hands on the ground in front of my pelvis, and often tilting my head to the side like a bird might when pondering what to do or a dog/cat does when it’s seemingly thinking or confused. I also found myself randomly craving the taste of blood or a rare steak, well medium rare my parents wouldn’t have gone for the whole raw meat thing. I also felt the urge to run down people who were running away from me, sprinting after them especially if they had hurt me in some way, either physically or by their words. I could go on about what I now think was why I had that urge, but at the time it was just an urge and I was a pretty darn fast sprinter.

I don’t recall experiencing phantom limbs aside from a mermaid tail when I swam until around my senior year of high school or freshman year of college, though I’ve always felt a weight on my back like there was something there taxing the muscles, wings. Once I got to college I also often felt like my shoulder blades and associated musculature should be positioned differently, in order to move vertically like a big cat and the associated teeth and claws, though I can’t say I’ve really experienced a phantom tail out of the water. I also found myself experiencing wanting to swim side to side like a shark, which was new.

So was all of this kids being kids, or something more? Well, I think if it had ended around age 11 when the rest of my friends grew out of playing animals, I’d say yes it was just kids being kids. But the fact that it didn’t go away, but grew progressively more vivid the older I got and the more I found labels for what I was experiencing makes me think otherwise.



This article and others can be found at my site: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://seraphyna.ucoz.com">http://seraphyna.ucoz.com</a><!-- m -->

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"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost."-Tolkien
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."-Poe
2012-02-26 1:12
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Post: #2
RE: Other from birth?
My first memory was certainly dragon wings. I had phantom shifts of wings and claws from very early on. I knew they weren't real and as a very young child I wished and wrote notes to the tooth fairy so she could give me wings from her magic. Bless.

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2021-07-08 6:22
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Saoirse Fiain
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Post: #3
RE: Other from birth?
After years of thinking this through, I am almost certain that my first ever memory was of something, in some way, somehow relating to this otherkin experience. I honestly don't know whether to call it a vision or a memory or who knows what. It's grown quite foggy over the years, but I'll try my best to explain.

I remember walking down some type of staircase lined with blue tiles and blue slate steps. I myself was somewhat low to the ground, I'm not sure what I was or if I even existed. I walked down these stairs as fast as I could, which was not speedy in the least. The staircase wrapped around an arched wall, and once I turned the corner at the end of the stairs, I stood in front of a massive room, dome shaped, lined with the most brilliant blue mosaic tiles all over. And when I say blue, it was blue. Blue like I have never seen before and will probably never see again. It was probably even more magnificent than I remember, and the limitations of what the human mind can comprehend are simply getting in the way. Besides the blue, there were fountains. Water was very prominent in this place.

But the most curious thing of all, was a woman standing off to the side. She was cloaked in white, and wore a veil. She had a warm, loving smile and was gesturing with her hands for me to come closer, I think.

That's about it. I don't know if this is what the thread author was asking about but to respond to the title, I was most definitely this way from birth. I don't know how or why, all I know is that it was and still is.
2021-07-30 0:54
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Azaphaer
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Post: #4
RE: Other from birth?
I have spoken on my feelings before of feeling that I was "born awakened". This has not changed, as I do firmly believe that those who are Otherkin are born this way. Whether it is something in our souls or in our brains, there is something that estranges us from humans. Nothing this integral is created, but something inherent to our core selves, and I can't see it any other way.

There is our internal identity and external ego. The first, being what we are born with, the latter what is created through environmental experiences throughout life. Our internal identities are what we are and will always be, that can not be changed. Core parts of identity such as gender, sexuality, and inherent psychology that make up the way we view the world and react to it. Of course species identity would fall there as well. It is not something we chose or became, but part of who we are all along.

Personally I've not spoken to any Otherkin/Therians who did not share similar experiences to my own. Just as others here have already recollected on, non-humanity is something that I expressed early on in childhood. There is always an underlying draw towards something other, even if we don't awaken to it fully until later in life. For me, I always believed I was a dragon, and can't recall a time past my earliest memory where I didn't truly feel this way about myself.

My earliest shift was phantom wings. I don't know when exactly they started, I can't see back that far. I just feel that they have always been there as part of me. Imagining myself without them is something I couldn't do. They've always reacted to the things around me. Felt the wind along the membrane, pressed in close to my body in tight spaces, and reached for the skies I could no longer claim. Simple things in childhood like a swing set were gateways to me that felt like flying. In my backyard we had a playset growing up and it holds many of my first memories. I can still close my eyes now and feel the summer sun wash over my face as I closed my eyes and felt the wind rush past me.. swinging forward into the open blue skies, holding myself there in thought before being forced to drop back down by gravity. I can remember it like it was yesterday. These feelings weren't exclusive to my dragon-type either, but also ones held dear to me by my Cybertronian-side. All I wanted was to be up in the clouds.

Times where I wasn't alone playing with friends, I could 'pretend' to be a dragon. Even then I felt that I was a dragon "in secret" as my younger self would put it. That one day maybe I would eventually turn into one. Those childlike dreams have been crushed by reality, but back then I really thought it would happen one day. Late nights where I couldn't sleep, or the moon was full, I played scenarios in my mind where I would finally transform into my dragonself. I was really into transformation novels like that, imagining as it happened in the books to me instead. Still, as I find myself reminiscing over this, I can feel that naive magical mind I once had and smile about it. A little spark of magic still there that wishes for it now.

If only I had known about Otherkin and Therians sooner, that I didn't have to be alone in this feeling growing up. I could never relate to other children as they grew out of pretending to be animals. For me it was never pretend. The older I got the more ostracized I felt from humans, from my classmates, from a social life that everyone else had. I turned to animals instead. Luckily, I grew up on a small farm in a rural town surrounded by woods. My family had horses, chickens, dogs, cats.. you name it. I was made fun of in school often for my "zoo" of a household, for having horses particularly. The horses were there for me though. I ended up spending a lot of time in the barn. That or I would be out exploring the woods alone, scaling the rocks, or climbing trees. I felt more at home in those places away from people. I could be myself.

As I grew older I was able to work for and buy my own pets. Just as young as I knew I was a dragon I was fascinated with reptiles. I ended up getting a couple leopard geckos, then a couple bearded dragons, and an argentine chacoan tegu. They were my home, my companions, and what kept me going. I would hangout with them as much as I could when I wasn't at school or work, or forced to be around my family. I could relate to them more than anyone. They were like me, reptillian. Watching them bask, I could see myself. Animals wasn't where my nonhuman friendships ended though.

Being non-organic in another life, being bio-mechanical, is a little different than what most Therians/Otherkin experience. My family had a lot of vehicles over the years, and I named them all. It never felt strange to me to view them as people. Imagine myself talking to them at night a little kid, or even when I was much older, having conversations with my car. My first car, a black 2001 Camaro Z28 convertible. I called him Hades. Not very original, I know, but that was him. His licence plate was A52 BXT. Thats another thing.. I remember every licence plate of cars I owned. Hades was a second home to me, family. I never have had a relationship with a vehicle like I had with him and probably never will. Life's complications took me away from him and my parents sold him.. I still have dreams about him now and that was 6 years ago.

Being Otherkin sets me apart from humans in more ways than one. I grew up with a very different view on the world and it's shaped who I am. If I wasn't born this way, I would be someone else entirely.

-Azaphaer

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2021-07-30 18:37
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