RE: Other from birth?
I have spoken on my feelings before of feeling that I was "born awakened". This has not changed, as I do firmly believe that those who are Otherkin are born this way. Whether it is something in our souls or in our brains, there is something that estranges us from humans. Nothing this integral is created, but something inherent to our core selves, and I can't see it any other way.
There is our internal identity and external ego. The first, being what we are born with, the latter what is created through environmental experiences throughout life. Our internal identities are what we are and will always be, that can not be changed. Core parts of identity such as gender, sexuality, and inherent psychology that make up the way we view the world and react to it. Of course species identity would fall there as well. It is not something we chose or became, but part of who we are all along.
Personally I've not spoken to any Otherkin/Therians who did not share similar experiences to my own. Just as others here have already recollected on, non-humanity is something that I expressed early on in childhood. There is always an underlying draw towards something other, even if we don't awaken to it fully until later in life. For me, I always believed I was a dragon, and can't recall a time past my earliest memory where I didn't truly feel this way about myself.
My earliest shift was phantom wings. I don't know when exactly they started, I can't see back that far. I just feel that they have always been there as part of me. Imagining myself without them is something I couldn't do. They've always reacted to the things around me. Felt the wind along the membrane, pressed in close to my body in tight spaces, and reached for the skies I could no longer claim. Simple things in childhood like a swing set were gateways to me that felt like flying. In my backyard we had a playset growing up and it holds many of my first memories. I can still close my eyes now and feel the summer sun wash over my face as I closed my eyes and felt the wind rush past me.. swinging forward into the open blue skies, holding myself there in thought before being forced to drop back down by gravity. I can remember it like it was yesterday. These feelings weren't exclusive to my dragon-type either, but also ones held dear to me by my Cybertronian-side. All I wanted was to be up in the clouds.
Times where I wasn't alone playing with friends, I could 'pretend' to be a dragon. Even then I felt that I was a dragon "in secret" as my younger self would put it. That one day maybe I would eventually turn into one. Those childlike dreams have been crushed by reality, but back then I really thought it would happen one day. Late nights where I couldn't sleep, or the moon was full, I played scenarios in my mind where I would finally transform into my dragonself. I was really into transformation novels like that, imagining as it happened in the books to me instead. Still, as I find myself reminiscing over this, I can feel that naive magical mind I once had and smile about it. A little spark of magic still there that wishes for it now.
If only I had known about Otherkin and Therians sooner, that I didn't have to be alone in this feeling growing up. I could never relate to other children as they grew out of pretending to be animals. For me it was never pretend. The older I got the more ostracized I felt from humans, from my classmates, from a social life that everyone else had. I turned to animals instead. Luckily, I grew up on a small farm in a rural town surrounded by woods. My family had horses, chickens, dogs, cats.. you name it. I was made fun of in school often for my "zoo" of a household, for having horses particularly. The horses were there for me though. I ended up spending a lot of time in the barn. That or I would be out exploring the woods alone, scaling the rocks, or climbing trees. I felt more at home in those places away from people. I could be myself.
As I grew older I was able to work for and buy my own pets. Just as young as I knew I was a dragon I was fascinated with reptiles. I ended up getting a couple leopard geckos, then a couple bearded dragons, and an argentine chacoan tegu. They were my home, my companions, and what kept me going. I would hangout with them as much as I could when I wasn't at school or work, or forced to be around my family. I could relate to them more than anyone. They were like me, reptillian. Watching them bask, I could see myself. Animals wasn't where my nonhuman friendships ended though.
Being non-organic in another life, being bio-mechanical, is a little different than what most Therians/Otherkin experience. My family had a lot of vehicles over the years, and I named them all. It never felt strange to me to view them as people. Imagine myself talking to them at night a little kid, or even when I was much older, having conversations with my car. My first car, a black 2001 Camaro Z28 convertible. I called him Hades. Not very original, I know, but that was him. His licence plate was A52 BXT. Thats another thing.. I remember every licence plate of cars I owned. Hades was a second home to me, family. I never have had a relationship with a vehicle like I had with him and probably never will. Life's complications took me away from him and my parents sold him.. I still have dreams about him now and that was 6 years ago.
Being Otherkin sets me apart from humans in more ways than one. I grew up with a very different view on the world and it's shaped who I am. If I wasn't born this way, I would be someone else entirely.
Astral Dragon ✦ Cybertronian ✦ Host of the AllSpark
Asexual ✦ He/Him ✦ Mated to Tivaran