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One of my older stories, unfinished (Comments/critiques pls)
ChiOkami
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One of my older stories, unfinished (Comments/critiques pls)
The air was warm. The sky could not have been more clear, a more bright blue color. The trees were tall and a deep green color to the leaves on the brown branches. The sun was at its high noon position. The scent of flowers of the field were wafting through the air, not overpowering, but just enough for him to take notice.
"You smell one flower patch, you smell them all," he said.
A traveller had been walking for a long time. He dons a deep green cloak, a brown tunic and forester like clothing, and worn black boots on his feet. On the black belt around his waist, a single katana hung in its sheath.
He knelt down to take a closer smell, just like he had so many times before on his travels. The scent was sweet like many other flower patches he encountered, yet had its own unqiue trace scent. Standing back up, he rearranged his cloak and sword, and headed off in the direction he had been walking for about a month. Jacen Wolf was a lone person, save for one thing.
A bark let out through the air, as Jacen turned to look on his pet, Howler, the wolf he had nursed from a pup early on his journey. It was bounding from the tree barrier surrounding the field they had entered. Its silvery eyes standing out from a greyish coat of fur. He had bent his head down, and began to sniff the flowers Jacen had known to be wild roses from the smell.
"Come on Howler, we have to keep moving before nightfall." Howler looked up, and chased after his master. Once at his side, Jacen scratched behind Howler's ears, and heard a soft growl from his dear companion.
"Don't worry boy, I'm sure that we are getting close to...wherever it is." The vision of the cave, the luscious green glade, and the crystal clear river came to his mind. He had a sense of familiarity with it, as if he had been there once before.
"I'm sure of it..." he thought to himself, then shook his head to return his mind to the path. It was a dirt trail, since he was passing through some nature preserve of one kind or another. He didn't know exactly where he was, and that didn't bother him in the least.
"When one has enternity, it doesn't matter where you are, only where you are going." Such a phrase was one that he had always said. He also learned a long time ago that he was an immortal, someone to live forever. Howler would also live forever, seeing how Jacen had used an old spell he learned from Merlin himself to give animals everlasting life. For about eight centuries, he and Howler have been an inseperable pair and that will continue until time comes to an end.
The glade was not the only dream Jacen was having at night. A woman, of unspeakable beauty and appeal, was always an addition to the glade. Whether it was swimming in the river, running through the fields, or climbing the mountain, she always had a smile on her face with burning emerald eyes. Then, at a certain point of the dream, she would turn into a wolf-like creature, light brown fur, standing upon her hind legs. Jacen thought this would scare him, but there was something familiar about this appearance. Then, his body would go through the same type of change, and then he would see himself turn into the same type of creature, his fur was of a darker color, almost pure black. At the end, she would have other wolfs behind her, all looking at him, with burning eyes of different shades.
Jacen could only assume that the creatures were werewolves, with the female being their alpha female. A name always seemed to stick out of Jacen's mind at the end...Noekh. That was his everlasting motivation for his journey. He had to find this place, to find these creatures, and to learn about why he was having this dream, and what he had to do with them.
Nine centuries, that was how long he had been seeing the dream. Jacen had been born in 987 A.D., nearly one thousand and twenty years ago. He could not remember, as good as his memory was, anything of his first years of life up to the age of ten. He could also not picture the faces of his parents. He knew them to be dead early in life. At least, that was what he was told by his mentor and foster father. That man had taken him in before he came down through the ages to be a central part in King Arthur's life.
"That was then, my path is now...alone with Howler," Jacen said to himself. He looked down at his wolf companion, watching him walk along side him, watching the woods for any sort of danger, or maybe his next meal. Jacen felt his stomach, it was beginning to feel empty. He reached down and unsheathed his katana, a platinum blade with runes of augmentation along the side of the blade. The air seemed to to bloe at that exact moment, just to carry the scent of their prey. The prey of a six-point buck, about 20-30 yards to the south, into the trees. Compared to mortal humans, Jacen's senses were greater by at least ten fold. He could hear the buck trotting through the woods. Jacen knelled down beside Howler, who had also caught the scent.
"We seem to have a stroke of luck, old friend," Jacen whispered. "All right, let's go...you flush, I'll kill and cook my half. Ready?" Howler gave an affirmative yelp and started to run to the south toward the deer. Jacen was going through the woods towards the southwest, the direction that Howler was going to drive the buck. An ancient spell was spoken, and Jacen seemed to disappear from all sight. The katana's runes had taken effect, making the one wielding the blade invisible from sight until the spell is spoken again. He then heard a series of high barks, and the buck came sprinting into view, Howler hot on its trail. "Time for action..." Jacen thought to himself. He ran towards the buck, and held his sword in an mobile attack position. As he jumped high in the air, he reappeared, startling the buck frozen. The blade went into the back of the buck's throat, and emerged from the front. Jacen rotated the blade, and the neck became disconnected, and the head fell to the ground. No blood was coming from the wound, since the blade also caused immediate sealing of the veins to contain the blood.
"Now this will be a meal for us to survive for a while," Jacen said to Howler. The wolf had just joined Jacen, his tongue licking his lips, craving the meat he was about to eat. Once hs set up a make-shift campsite, Jacen cut the deer into pieces, half for him to cook and save, and half for Howler to eat as much as he could. By the time they had eaten their fill, it was dark...and Jacen was surprised at how quick night had came. He was hoping to travel further, but that was no problem that he had to worry about, he was in no rush. With Howler asleep, Jacen began to nod off, and was thinking of what the dream will hold this night.

He was walking through the glade, green as green could be. The grass was long, but not long enough to be classifed as tall grass. He could see the mountain and cave were in plain view, the sun was setting to the west, where the river came to meet the clear lake. Coming out of the cave...there she was. Noekh, at least that is what he thinks is her name, still had that appealing smile on her face. He was walking towards him, her emerald eyes becoming clearer as she approaches him. She talked, for the first time, like angel song. "Welcome to your home, lone one." She held out her arms, and I came to embrace her. Jacen began to feel fur on her arms. The change was coming, and Jacen withdrew, to see what was happening to her. She began to grow taller, her muscles inflating and growing in strength. Her eyes blazed with a bright emerald fire, while she got taller, growing tan fur all over her body. When she was done changing, she was a wolf, standing on hind legs, almost human like. It was at this moment, a strange sensation came over Jacen. It was the same feeling he felt in all his dreams. He began to go through the same changes, yet he saw them as if he was outside of his own body. Black fur began to grow, his muscles inflating, to a larger degree than hers. He grew taller, claws coming from his now paw-like hands and feet. Fangs grew from where he once had human teeth. At the end of his incredible transformation, he heard noises coming from the cave. More wolves came from its dark interior. All of different shapes, sizes, colors, and other different kinds, all coming out and surrounding Noekh, as if she were in danger. She held out her paws and furry hands, and spoke a second time..."You are almost here, just a little more time and you will find a home for the first time in a long time."
Jacen woke up, wetness on his face. Howler was licking his face, out of concern, it looked like Jacen was tossing and thrashing around in his sleep, no doubt his reaction to seeing himself change.
"I'm all right, Howler, just some new parts to the dream, nothing more...," Jacen said, scratching between Howler's ears. Howler growled softly, content with seeing his master happy after having what he thought to be a rough night. Jacen got his gear on, sheathed his katana, and packed up the rest of the deer meat in his satchel. Thus, the trip started again, down the trail and through the forests. The duo had been walking until about high noon when something of a curious feeling came over both Jacen and Howler, as if the air changed. The trees were of a different shade, almost...familiar to him. The bark was a darker brown and the foliage was a deeper green than what they expected them to be. Howler was looking around, sniffing the air, as if searching for something. Jacen was looking around himself, and readied his sword for any sort of danger that may come at them, though he could not sense anything. They only took a break to eat some of the buck meat they ate the other night. Since their lunch break, they had moved about two miles, the trees still the strange colors. By early evening, the two hunters heard a large commotion to the left of them. The noises were like nothing Jacen had heard before.
"It sounds like a pack of some kind, meat-eaters most likely, given the nature of the sound. We should check it out. Let's go Howler," said Jacen, unsheathing his sword and using the spell once again. He also extended its power to Howler, to offer as much protection as he could. As they approached, Jacen could begin to see the creatures. He saw them, full of fur, larger than any animal he had ever seen. When he was within ten feet in motion, Jacen practically lost all breath in his body. He fell to the ground, and watched in amazement. The creatures were eating their prey...and they were the wolves from the dream! The size and shape were the same, and then one lifted its head up in the air, and Jacen caught the face. It was wolf-like, without a doubt, one of the ones from his dream. Jacen silently moved away, but caught a stick under his foot, and when it cracked, he found himself being chased after by the wolves. He cancelled the spell and called for Howler both in the same breath. He ran as fast as he could, but was tackled by the wolves, and thought he was going to die, until one of them looked him over. Then, who Jacen could only assume as to be the lead wolf, told the others to lay off and to make sure he was unharmed. Jacen yelled for Howler, and the lead wolf looked down to Jacen as he spoke again.
"Your wolf companion is unharmed and restrained, so I don't think you should worry about him." The creature's voice was gruff and deep, and his fangs were long. "You are the one she has been waiting for...just calm down and come with us, all will be explained at the den." Jacen was let up and looked around. Five wolves, three male and two female, all around eight to nine feet tall, fur of different colors, and of different sizes. He saw Howler, tied up near by, struggling against his bonds, trying to get to Jacen to help. His muzzle was also bound, just enough so that he could not bite, but he could still breathe.
"First, I want my wolf released, then my sword returned, and then I will go with you," Jacen said in a tone that could have gotten him killed. The lead wolf gave the commands to his hunting party and Jacen went over to Howler to calm him and tell him not to worry. Then, Jacen cut the bonds with his katana, and removed the rope from Howler's mouth. All that came was a growl of anger, which subsided quickly after looking to Jacen. After his katana was in its sheath, Jacen stood and he and Howler followed the creatures to the place that Jacen has seen in his dreams for so long. It was more beautiful than what he saw in his dreams. The sun was setting in the same place, the field was the same, everything was as if his lastest dream had just spawned itself to reality. The other wolves went into the dark cave, and he was alone with Howler in the field.
"This is the place Howler, the place of my dream..." Jacen knelt to Howler, as they both looked around to the newest place that they could come to call home and change Jacen's life forever. Jacen's eyes were filled with surprise, as Howlers was filled with a grim sharpness to see if any ambush was to come when they let their guard down. Jacen reached into his cloak and felt his shourikins within it. He also made sure that his swords were still there with him where he could easily get to them if the cause arose.

"Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power."
-Lao Tzu


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2008-01-12 1:42
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Xanthus
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Post: #2
Re: One of my older stories, unfinished (Comments/critiques pls)
Very well written. Can't put my finger on it but some of the more introspective dialogue is a little...mmm...artificial? Just a feeling.

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2008-01-12 4:07
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