Looking back at the random things that happened over the past few months, they're not very disturbing. Just somewhat odd. I just wanted to know what whoever reads this thinks, since the guy I usually talk to seems to shut up when I ask him. He'll answer, but it'll be a vague answer. Possibly so he can't lead me to a conclusion, but I'm not looking for a conclusion. I'm looking for a perspective.
Note that these are seperate things. As far as I know, they're not connected.
- The area of my shoulderblades closest to my spine feels heavy, like there's someone pressing on them. The pressure is similar to that of a massage, only not so relaxing since it's there almost constantly by now. It used to happen only when I was tired and about to go to bed.
- I'm fear-eater food on occasion. Not very often anymore, or maybe I stopped noticing. It usually just gives me a huge headache and makes me want to sleep it off. The only reason I think it's a fear-eater feeding and not me being tired, is that the headache is similar to the one I got when creepy things happened a few years back. Think things as you look at the bag in your room, it's open. You're almost certain you closed it when you put it down, but you dismiss it. You look back a moment later and it's closed again. A feeling of not being alone and an irrational fear. And a long while after that, I saw a shadow of a probably male human form and got the same irrational sense of fear and again a feeling of not being alone.
- I had a weird dream, about the bathroom.I was planning to take a shower, but as I was in the bathroom and looked in the mirror I saw a blonde little girl beside me. She looked somewhat.. amused at my fear. Dream or not, only I was supposed to be in the mirror's image, so I didn't bother looking over my shoulder - I knew I wouldn't see her if I did. I fled the bathroom and went back to my room. I decided to ask my boyfriend to come with me, as I usually do when I shower in the evening. I can't stand going alone, since I tend to feel watched when I do, and being around someone distracts me from that. I didn't see the little girl again and the dream continued rather normally, just a shower. We had some problems with the water switching from hot to cold at random, but that sometimes happens whenever someone turns on the water to do the dishes. After we'd finished I noticed a young woman sitting on the washing machine. She had a very chaotic air about her, and was talking about how she wanted life and I should believe she was capable of taking it from someone else. Halfway during her rambling I turned to my boyfriend and explained to him he shouldn't think I was crazy now, I was just going to talk to someone he couldn't see. The young woman continued to talk about how she wanted life and would take it if I didn't believe her until she left. I'm blurry on how she left exactly, since it happened kind of fast and somewhat sudden, but I think my boyfriend opened the door and she went through it. She'd gone downstairs, and worrying that she might take someone's life I yelled after her. I told her that if she was going to take a life (body might be more accurate), she could at least take it from someone who wanted to or was about to die. Looking down the stairs, I got a strong sense of the feeling I associate with the fear-eater. It literally feels like it causes fear, but like you're just out of range to actually be afraid.
- A completely different night, I woke up in the middle of the night. Not enough to be fully awake, and after noticing my body had changed it's position somewhat, I thought something along the lines 'maybe he'll like me better this way'. He being the guy I mentioned at the top of the page, the one I usually talk to about this stuff. Yeah I have some self esteem issues, but it's not about that directly. I started to fall asleep again, and just before I went back to dreamland there was a voice in my head and a whisperlike sensation near my ear. It showed me an image of me lying there, in bed, only dead and rotting. At the same moment I heard the voice say 'He'll like you even better like that'. Since it was in my head, the voice itself was similar to the one I usually think in, except that it had a vicious undertone and different speechpatterns and such.
I just wanted to share that and see what you think.
"My starkest madness seeming is divinest sense." - the dreamers from Morrowind.