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Needing advice on a particular situation . . .
Ashaiel
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Post: #1
Needing advice on a particular situation . . .
Mods, if this is in the wrong forum, please move it.

Okay, so I am on the staff of another board; and for the most part, the mods and admins have been a pretty close-knit group -- some of my closest friends are there. However, recently there was a huge falling out between myself and one of the other staff members, which got so bad that we are no longer friends. I get the sense that she is forming a faction within the staff against me, and you'll see why in a minute; but that's not the point I'm making.

So today, I noticed a member posting some things that seem to be very strongly hinting at beliefs that would almost certainly get her in trouble -- and she's putting them in the open for anybody to see and interpret, which isn't making her look good. Now, I myself have beliefs that are pretty "out there" by most standards, so I of all people have no right to judge her; but I also don't post my beliefs where the whole world can see them. Even OKP isn't a truly public forum, since one has to register before one sees anything here; so I'm still sticking to my rule of "Only post where it's safe, and where only those you trust can see it" when I post here. I've also told four members of the twelve-member staff of my own forum a few things about what I believe -- but only because I thought they would be receptive, and only because I trusted them to not share my confidences with anyone.

Anyway, I posted in the mod forum that I was a little weirded out by the things this member was leaving in the open, and I wanted to know if I was justified in feeling that way. If I was justified, I was going to follow up on it. Then, the staff member I had a falling out with came back and said, "Well, you believe this and this about yourself, so you have no room to talk."

First of all, her statement about what I believe -- which wasn't 'kin-related, but still -- was incorrect; secondly, it's not her business to post her ideas about what I believe, correct or not, in a forum where the whole staff can see them, since I didn't tell the whole staff and wanted it to remain between myself and the four I told.

But it gets better: one of the other staff members, who is essentially her lackey, came back and said, "What you believe isn't the huge secret you make it out to be," hinting that the whole staff knows about it or at least has an idea of what it's about. That's odd, to say the very least, considering that I told four other staff members, yet now twelve of them have heard something about it. Now I know that someone has been spreading my beliefs around for other people to feed on, which is absolutely wrong and doesn't come close to constituting decent behavior. I mean, what sort of monstrous sense of entitlement do you have to have in order to even have the ability to do that sort of thing, putting aside the ability to justify it?

Anyway, I'm at a loss for what to do. If I confront anyone about it, it'll probably just make the situation worse; and right now, I'm stuck with waiting for other people to come to my defense, which may or may not happen. If the situation gets much worse, I'm seriously considering leaving the staff and the whole forum completely, which I don't want to do. How should I handle this?

Halp!

~ Ashaiel

Magnificat anima mea Dominum!
2008-01-28 2:14
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Deros
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Post: #2
Re: Needing advice on a particular situation . . .
If you don't feel as though you're not respected by your fellow mods, the best thing to do, I'd think, would be to tell them so and that you're not going to take it. However, it all depends on how much you value your place on that site.

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2008-01-28 2:24
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Feral
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Post: #3
Re: Needing advice on a particular situation . . .
This message says nothing.
2008-01-28 3:58
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RKCoon
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Post: #4
Re: Needing advice on a particular situation . . .
I would point out that if you tell anyone - especially online - anything, expect it to be repeated. if you cant trust them with your life, dont tell them things you dont want known. simple. (lesson learned from hard and painful experiences.)
2008-01-28 6:29
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kahoku
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Post: #5
Re: Needing advice on a particular situation . . .
i would stay calm - you don't have to apologize for your beliefs, so why does this person shout it out like that? secondly, i would tell them who the 4 people were, and that you know one of them was not reliable, and that you are really disappointed. don't show them your pain or insecurity, handle it in a 100% logical manner. and remember: there is nothing to apologize for, there is nothing to fear. if those people decide to team up against you, if they don't understand that it is your right to believe what you want to believe, and that your point wasn't about that user's belief in the first place, do you really want to keep working with them?

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2008-01-28 12:25
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Terro
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Post: #6
Re: Needing advice on a particular situation . . .
The member posting their beliefs, so long as they are posting it in a "getting it out in the open" manner, I don't see a problem. It is afterall, their beliefs. If stating one's beliefs are not within the scope of the forum, that is one thing, if it is, I wouldn't see a problem with it, so long as it is represented as belief and not fact, and the person can handle being questioned.

If staff members are ganging up on you, play it cool, be logical and watch your actions, as tempting as it may sometimes be to go and do something drastic, can't get hanged if you don't leave any rope.

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-The Unit
2008-01-28 16:47
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