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MS GOD
Deros
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Post: #1
MS GOD
Can someone PLEASE repost the joke about God using MS DOS to create the world? It was funny... and I miss it...

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I would have learned a lot from life if I hadn't spent most of my time being educated.
2008-03-26 23:20
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Xanthus
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Post: #2
Re: MS GOD
Seconded.

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2008-03-27 5:18
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Post: #3
Re: MS GOD
i don't think this is the one you're looking for (i think i know what you mean), but i loved this one:

Quote:The First Chapter of the Computer World:: In the Beginning
1) In the beginning God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.
2) And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
3) And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
4) And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
5) And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big… And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

6) And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
7) And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
8) And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer’s body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.
9) And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.

10) But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs?
11) And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
12) And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.
13) And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it.
14) So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good.
14) And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !

15) And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.
16) And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.
17) And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
18) And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.

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2008-03-27 12:34
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Post: #4
Re: MS GOD
That may not be the one, but I was roflmao. Seriously. I can't breathe. XDDDDD

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2008-03-28 1:01
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Post: #5
Re: MS GOD
CREATION.EXE

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said

c:\>Let there be light!

Enter user id.

c:\>God

Enter password.

c:\>Omniscient

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:\>Omnipotent

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:\>Technocrat

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

c:\>Let there be light!

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:\>Create light

Done

c:\>Run heaven and earth

And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

c:\>Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:\>Create firmament

Done.

c:\>Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

c:\>Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place
and let the dry land appear and

Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

c:\>Create dry_land

Done.

c:\>Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

c:\>Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:\>Create sun_moon_stars

Done

c:\>Run sun_moon_stars

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

c:\>Create fish

Done

c:\>Create fowl

Done

c:\>Run fish, fowl

And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature
that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every
winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.

c:\>Create cattle

Done

c:\>Create creepy_things

Done

c:\>Now let us make man in our image

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:\>Create man

Done

c:\>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and
have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and
over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth

Too many command operands. Try again.

c:\>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 6 errors.

c:\>Insert breath

Done

c:\>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 5 errors.

c:\>Move man to Garden of Eden

File Garden of Eden does not exist.

c:\>Create Garden.edn

Done

c:\>Move man to Garden.edn

Done

c:\>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 4 errors.

c:\>Copy woman from man

Done

c:\>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 2 errors.

c:\>Create desire

Done

c:\>Run multiplication

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:\>Create freewill

Done

c:\>Run freewill

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:\>Undo desire

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

c:\>Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:\>Help

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:\>Create tree_of_knowledge

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:\>Create good, evil

Done

c:\>Activate evil

And God saw he had created shame.

Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1
errors.

c:\>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman

Search failed.

c:\>Delete shame

Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.

c:\>Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:\>Stop

Unrecognizable command. Try again

c:\>Break

c:\>Break

c:\>Break

ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.

c:\>Create new world

You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files
before new ones can be created.

c:\>Destroy earth

Destroy earth: Please confirm.

c:\>Destroy earth confirmed

COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT
6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.

And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
2008-04-04 18:23
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Post: #6
Re: MS GOD
*frozen in joy*

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I would have learned a lot from life if I hadn't spent most of my time being educated.
2008-04-04 18:55
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Post: #7
Re: MS GOD
*giggles*

~Tzolkin
2008-07-06 10:14
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Post: #8
Re: MS GOD
And the angels shall approach the altar of the Lord with copious amounts of excedrin, antacids, and hot pockets. And they shall very carefully NOT utter the sounds of 'I told you so.'

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2008-07-06 15:39
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Post: #9
Re: MS GOD
kahoku Wrote:i don't think this is the one you're looking for (i think i know what you mean), but i loved this one:

Quote:The First Chapter of the Computer World:: In the Beginning
1) In the beginning God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.
2) And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
3) And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
4) And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
5) And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big… And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

6) And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
7) And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
8) And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer’s body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.
9) And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.

10) But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs?
11) And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
12) And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.
13) And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it.
14) So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good.
14) And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !

15) And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.
16) And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.
17) And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
18) And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.

Whoa, hold on, wait a second. Think just before windows.
Wasn't the mac released a year before windows and billed as a noob friendly computer?
So I think bill should be Steve jobs and he's selling macintosh.
I felt ridiculous writing this.

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2009-06-09 22:49
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Post: #10
Re: MS GOD
I can troubleshoot 90% of the problems I've come across on Macs by myself, and never had a virus, on 10+ year old computers and new ones alike. I have to ask my boyfriend (he builds computers) or other teckie friends for even minor problems and had several viruses already on a 3 year old Windows laptop. Granted, I've grown up with Macs. <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue -->

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2009-06-29 23:19
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