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Light core, dark aspect?
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Light core, dark aspect?
Ugh...okay, so I'm just coming off of reading a bunch of stuff in the Other/Mixed section and it's basically got me...a little overwhelmed.

(Heh, sorry for my grammar. <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink --> American street language for the win <!-- s:mrgreen: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":mrgreen:" title="Mr. Green" /><!-- s:mrgreen: -->?)

Right now...or I should say prior to having read around in that section (I had to find the key to a thought that decided to fall asleep)...I was thinking about...having "dark" aspects and a "bright" core. But I suppose that line of thought won't go anywhere unless I define what I mean by "dark" and "bright". Because sometimes word association without the constraints of grammar works better than prose, and I can add to this as I continue to post, here:

Bright: lofty, radiant, happy energy, whirring like a Japanese motorcycle; shining, explosive, tornado, screaming, sunfire, holy, accretion disk
Dark: curtailed, switchback, labyrinthine, nocturnal, quiet, claws grasping, repressed, not accepted, hiding; stone, or having qualities of stone; lunar, Earth, serpentine; a bit tired

I had a visualization recently -- within the last month or so, where I was trying to ground. I hadn't been doing energy work regularly, so I'm not entirely sure why I decided to do it then. I tried to draw in energy from my extremities to my core, but every time I began, I would get some dark, muddy kind of energy. It could have been due to the color I was attempting to draw in (yellow) which; in painting, at least, is easily tainted by even a small amount of any other color. I really should apply what I know and attempt to see what color I sense myself to be...not what I think I should see.

Anyhow, the muddy color. I connect this with the desire the body had experienced at another time, to be tainted by darkness. Granted, this exchange happened while the body was asleep, and I can't tell exactly whose desire it was (though the desire was most strongly to be free of the 'sleep paralysis' which isn't really sleep paralysis, because I'm still asleep). Also granted; most of the material I've encountered which is serious about free-ranging spirituality (haha...) is focused around light-oriented visualizations, or it's focused around darkness and shunning conventional 'wisdom' to the extent that it appears reactionary and under-considered.

That is to say, it's all well and good to be working with Deities or teachers-in-spirit who help you. But...why connect them with pseudo-Abrahamic names (like "Satan"), which just confuse the issue? Why is it that one would call one's Deity, "Satan," especially if one rejected the mythos which the name comes from?

So anyway. I'm not certain here if...I should be concerned or not. I was able to raise clean energy, but it was through a different center (lower Dan Tian, or the hara), starting about a fist-width below the navel (overlapping and just above the uterus) and radiating out to the extremities. This was very much easier than trying to draw in energy from the extremities to the core -- but it does seem that I was indeed raising energy, not grounding energy. I was also easily able to direct the flow out to my palm chakras, and started a little bright-golden whirlwind in each. From there, and stabilizing the ray flowing up through me, it was easy to start an accretion disk around myself.

(If you'd like to try this, I began lying on my back. The visualization began as a line of light spinning [clockwise, facing up] with its focus at my hara. The hara itself is visualized as an opened slit, like an eye; the line of light is the pupil of the eye. When the line is brought closer to vertical, it spins faster (as, when skating, if the arms are drawn in while in a spin, the rate of rotation increases); if it is held nearly clean vertical, it is spinning so fast that it draws in surrounding energy and shoots it out both above and below oneself. This is the "quasar" form; I also had a line of green light shooting to the Earth through an area which I'm not sure corresponds with a chakra, but it was in the area near the solar plexus and heart; about four fingers' width below the most evident bump on the sternum.)

What is of note is that I very much felt charged up. I'm not entirely certain that this is what I would feel if I had been grounding. My question: what the heck was I doing? And should I be concerned if, when I try to ground from the extremities inward, I draw 'dirty' energy? Does an impure color actually mean that something is wrong; or is the only way to actually be able to tell, to allow it into myself and see what happens (as these visualizations are highly personal)?

Thing is that I don't necessarily want to draw in dirty energy if I'm then unable to get it out of myself. It's been years since I've done a hardcore scan.

Also, I'm unsure at this point that darker energy is 'less good' than bright energy. Given, of course, that I tend to see "the abyss" as representative of both unconsciousness and emotion; and that I have at least one dark 'family' member here...though he generally only gets triggered out by reading things which he's sympathetic to. If Mist or Core/Mist is the brightest one here...he's easily, in comparison to them, not. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

And now...my brain has decided to stop functioning. I won't be back for a while, tomorrow, so I'll catch up on Sunday or something.
2011-06-25 5:52
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