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Introduction
terrakitty
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Post: #1
Introduction
Hello! Typically I type without capital letters, primarily because of habit. I'll try very hard not to do that here, as I'm seeing lots and lots of people don't like it, and I don't want to start off in a grammatical throw-down.

Strange way to start my introduction. I'll try again...Hello! My name is terra (that won't be capitalized). I have been surfing the interwebz for a little while trying to collect some Otherkin information. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure where to start. I'm trying to figure this stuff out, now that it's a lot more conscious. I was raised Pagan, always on the outside of most groups, never feeling quite like I belonged anywhere, not being able to have a solid identity (I'm very fluid), always a bit of a chaotic trickster. I attributed this to a lot of things trying to figure it out; being raised Pagan in conservative rural Washington, feeling non-gendered and identifying as genderqueer, being queer, being a sex worker, being an anarchist punk, just...lots of liminality and living outside the mainstream. Though I tried to be mainstream; I have a graduate degree and tried to be an art therapist for a while, but I just couldn't stand the people for long enough to make it a career. It all hasn't made me normal yet. Though I have a job in social services to supplement my writing, massage practice, and sex work.

Anyway, I won't go into too many details, but I've always been trying to figure out who I am. I don't think it's possible, philosophically, but you can't stop a girl from trying. I have a lot of dreams of shapeshifting, and in my various visionings (whether that's in meditation, active imagination, or what-have-you) I have several forms. Some of them for a very long time, and when I was in elementary school I felt that I had an affinity for lycanthropes/therians. Back in the mid-90s when I was in college, I started checking out alt.horror.werewolf and hung out there for a bit, mostly posting as an observer and just not taking sides, so I was thinking about this stuff a little even then. I just have a hard time believing in otherkin, she sheepishly speaks, and so I wasn't so willing to believe. But I've had tons of run ins with folks that are in the vampire or otherkin community who say "you're otherkin" even when I tell them I'm not. So I'm trying to figure this out.

I am way too chaotic to really pin down a "type," and when I started reading about demonkin, the chaotic aspect sounded about right. I still hesitate to identify as demonkin, but I'll let that slide for now. I have a someone trying to convince me I'm a tantric vamp, which I'm not opposed to, but even though I recharge through intimacy and sex, that doesn't feel exactly right.

So, to end this very long post, I'm looking for some insight and taking some time to figure things out. Total newbie, if that doesn't seem obvious, though I've been around a couple of blocks. If anyone has ideas for me, I'd be glad to hear them. Lots of information to wade through here (and elsewhere), so forgive me if I have made some taboo errors. Anyway, I follow the "visceral intuition" model of determining my identity, so at some point I'm hoping for a "gut instinct" about things that I read.
2010-03-04 21:59
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House Hesson
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Post: #2
Re: Introduction
Hello.

With respect to the vampirism, do you feel run down when you don't have any intimacy or sex? Energy vampirism of any kind is usually defined as having an energy deficiency which requires a person to compensate by taking energy from someone or something else. Aside from the Kheprian Counselor model, which you might also want to check out - look at kherete.org for more information about that. Counselors are more likely to have a "gunked up" energy system that needs a good cleaning than they are to be truly energy deficient.

If either of those models of vampirism fit you, asking a doctor or two about other reasons for the symptoms will screen out any physical or mental illnesses that could cause the effect. A final step - which I place at the end because it's not very pleasant - is, if you can, to deliberately go without your suspected energy source and see if you weaken as time goes on.

For the Otherkin/therian part, as people often say on this board, no one else can tell you who you are. Testing the possible explanations on this part is a bit more tailored to each individual and the theriotype/kintype/s suspected, but we can certainly help you develop questions. If things go as usual, you'll be getting initial ones very soon. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

-Shainin

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2010-03-04 23:29
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Seraphyna
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Post: #3
Re: Introduction
Welcome <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> As the Hessons said, we can't tell you what you are (if anything) on the inside, but we can try to help you figure it out and provide a swift kick in the butt if you cross over into the land of self delusion.

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"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost."-Tolkien
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."-Poe
2010-03-04 23:37
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terrakitty
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Post: #4
Re: Introduction
Shainin and Seraphyna,

Thank you for your welcomes! I was definitely not asking for anyone to tell me who I am, I've had enough of that in one lifetime. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> I was, as you both suggested, looking for some guidance to better understand what people mean by all this stuff and what to do with it. And I try to avoid being delusional like the plague, and perhaps doubt TOO MUCH, as one of my partners has said in the past.

As to Shainin's questions about vampirism...The reason I have someone (a couple someones, actually) telling me I'm a sexual/tantric vampire is a lot of the same things you are implying in your questioning. I do feel more stressed and very moody when not having regular sex. Granted, lots of people feel this way, but sex and sensuality will immediately make me "right." When I have sex everything boosts up. But whether that's unresolved confidence and self-esteem issues or a feeding, I have no idea. The thing is, I'm not low "energy." I actually have ample energy; more than enough energy, actually. Want some energy? I have lots to spare, I'll make more. So it's not an issue of feeding, more an issue of aligning. And as someone who is a sex positive healer/counselor, those that I have sex with, especially clinically, don't get tired out but essentially I ATTEMPT to raise/align their own energy...so it's not feeding, if feeding is supposed to leave someone weaker. They may be TIRED, but that's something else entirely. Sex -- okay, intimacy and sensuality is more accurate, because sex just isn't genital stimulation -- for me is therapeutic massage for the heart and soul.

There have been times I haven't been as sexual. Granted, they were not great times for me. I decided to go without because I was having emotional issues (coming out, break-ups, deciding to focus on something else for a while, etc...), and nothing really changed. So, yeah, I feel in top form when I'm having regular sensual/sexual relationships with people. But I CAN go without it and just feel kind of grey, though that doesn't mean I lack energy or can't feel positive.

(As an aside, I used to tell people that "sex is like food to me," which I think is funny in the context of this thread. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> )

So, sure, counselor maybe. Maybe I'm just trying REALLY HARD to not take the label "vampire." Not that I'm against it, I just don't know and I don't really FEEL that it's right. One of the last persons I donated to was a Kheprian, and they liked my energy a lot, it worked really well for their energy pickiness and it didn't leave me at all tired. They suggested something similar and actually turned me on to a lot of these boards and got me thinking more about this stuff. However, as I said, body-felt-sense is how I go about things, and it simply does not tug at my guts. But I'll check the other link, thank you!

Bring on the question forming help! <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink -->
2010-03-05 0:40
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Elinox
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Post: #5
Re: Introduction
terrakitty Wrote:If anyone has ideas for me, I'd be glad to hear them. Lots of information to wade through here (and elsewhere), so forgive me if I have made some taboo errors. Anyway, I follow the "visceral intuition" model of determining my identity, so at some point I'm hoping for a "gut instinct" about things that I read.

After reading your initial posts have you looked into succubus or Leanan Sidhe as possible types? Although succubi seem to feed on their partners, not really giving energy like you've described.

Anyways, welcome to OKP!

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2010-03-05 16:55
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terrakitty
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Post: #6
Re: Introduction
thank you and hello Elinox!

wow, in all my research AND voracious reading of Yeats, the Leanan Sidhe have never come across my radar! being Irish, it excites me, but i really like the imagry, too. not that that means anything for me as a person. i've been around fae all my life, and i've never particularly felt faelike. i always fit in and have had many fae lovers, but i've never been fae. but i'll have to do some further investigations. but since i was really little, i've always been drawn to the succubus, and i must admit i've wondered about my relationship with the succubus. she has always been an image that i am very drawn to. i just don't know, because this is where my confusion about all of this stuff breaks down.

does one have to be a "kind" of demonkin (or angelkin, or fae, etc.)? if you feel sympathy with a particular sort of otherkin, as i do for demonkin, does that mean i am a specific one? is succubus like a demonkin "profession" or perhaps a "demonic orientation"? i mean, my sexual orientation is queer, my relationship orientation is polyamorous. is my demonic orientation succubus, but that's more an intrinsic draw instead of an essentialized demonic form? maybe i'm just a sexy and slutty in nature, so i do well taking energy from people during sex. perhaps this is a topic best posted in another forum?

thank you for taking the time and being willing to educate me. i'd be more than happy to do more of my own research, but to be honest, i don't know where to start sometimes. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> it's been causing me quite a bit of anxiety recently, and many times over the past couple of decades. typically i just lose myself in chaos and being a tricksy type of person and don't worry about it, but them sometimes i just wonder what exactly i am. i don't feel...confident in who i am sometimes without something to hold onto. but not having anything to hold onto teaches you to fly or swim (or fall or drown), i suppose.
2010-03-06 18:37
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Archer
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Post: #7
Re: Introduction
terrakitty Wrote:thank you and hello Elinox!

wow, in all my research AND voracious reading of Yeats, the Leanan Sidhe have never come across my radar! being Irish, it excites me, but i really like the imagry, too.

Oooh, cool cool - whereabouts are you from? Not a lot of OKPers from/on this little island.

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2010-03-07 0:39
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Post: #8
Re: Introduction
Hello hello hey! (leaves a plate of brownies and sparkles upon the table)

Lady Merencara has spoken.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.
2010-03-07 5:28
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Post: #9
Re: Introduction
welcome, terra! i don't use capital letters either. <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue -->

terrakitty Wrote:does one have to be a "kind" of demonkin (or angelkin, or fae, etc.)?

no you don't. actually... look into the articles section, there might be some interesting stuff for you to read. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

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2010-03-07 17:43
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terrakitty
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Post: #10
Re: Introduction
Archer: oops...okay, so i'm Irish in heritage. i'm a stupid, provincial American who didn't think before she spoke. sorry! i did live in Dublin for four months before moving to Galway for another six months, and then circumstance forced me back to the States, but that's certainly neither current nor a significant part of my life.

airforcegirl: thanks! <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

kahoku: i actually ran across your personal site while websurfing the other day, though i haven't been through all of your articles. i'll be reading more as i have time. maybe that time would be now. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> thanks for the welcome, i appreciate it!
2010-03-08 2:50
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