Internal Answers Vs. External Research

I'm going to try to word this right, but forgive me as my thoughts are jumbled.

In re-reading some older threads here I noticed some folks did internal meditations/searching/etc. first to come to their Otherkin conclusions whereas other people did external research first for the same end goal: finding out what they are. (Exclude the whole "I don't feel human" thing as the starting point please.)

Did you find the answers within yourself first (I am this! I should research it more!) or did you have a rough idea (I like this/I act like this/etc. maybe I'm a this? Then later, I am this!) and do research externally like library books, the internet, etc?

Basically, where did your Otherkin type "answer" come from first: internal or external?

A bit of both? I developed my own internal hypothesis and went with a bit of external research combined with the internal feelings on the subject.

Seraphyna Wrote:A bit of both? I developed my own internal hypothesis and went with a bit of external research combined with the internal feelings on the subject.

Guess I should clarify that for most people I figured it's a mix of both. However, I'm really curious as to which actually happened first. <!-- s:? --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_confused.gif" alt=":?" title="Confused" /><!-- s:? -->

Internal...and I'd imagine that's how it is for most people as something on the inside usually sparks the pondering.

We were researching from the start. Obviously it had to match up with what we think and feel but we started digging on the basis of a friend's suggestion, then looked at other kintypes that came up as possible matches. The initial intuition was simply "I'm not human" (this being before we became selves-aware and before some of us, including me, were even here) and a collection of traits associated with that feeling, which were then compared to whatever seemed likely.

We leapt to a few conclusions, though. We weren't even looking anymore when we read Raven Kaldera's description of the alfar and realized we'd been hit with far more accurate detail, despite some points of disagreement with our memories, than we'd ever expected. Those of us who believe we're multi-racial have less evidence to back that up, though; the sidhe blood has some back-up but we can barely find anything on the fomor let alone put together an argument to convince others that Vaul is part fomor.

As far as theriotypes go (one point of departure from Kaldera's description is that we all either have a visible theriotype as well or believe there's one waiting to be discovered in us), there's a hefty dose of intuition involved as well as mental glimpses of the animal and knowledge of the individual's personality. In some cases, that's been deemed enough (C'aurin being a domesticated cat or wildcat, Vaul being a beetle). We still read up on the animal in those cases to make sure it seems right, but it's a confirmation rather than an investigation. In others, we start with those clues and go reading up on all of the animals that seem to fit, then let the gut have its say (Svanni being a fox, Ry being something of the moose/elk variety). Shaynin is kind of down the middle on that; it was easy to tell that her theriotype is spider, but we had to research in order to find ones that hunt like she does in spider form (crab spider). Most of us aren't that clear on specific species.

-Kearil, who has no idea what her animal is

Well, hmm.

As a very young child my investigations were all what you'd call "internal" - when I was 7 or 8 I gained access to an Encyclopedia Britannica, and spent years researching religions and mental illness and the like, eventually followed by discovering a spiritual bookshop and looking into everything from tarot to meditation to past life regression . . . and all that "external research" angle just pretty much confirmed that there aren't any published records that I can find of anything remotely like me.

Years later, when I stumbled across the term otherkin, I had formulated the vast, vast majority of my beliefs based on personal experience. It was more like solving an equation than looking up answers - something like "X + Y + Z = A", only much more complicated, and figuring out what the components were and how they fitted together was of course something that only internal ponderings could cast light (hah hah) on. External research at that point consisted largely of "Hah, cool! There are other plural people, sort of like me but not quite!" and "HAH! Other people have met shadows!" So the "external research" was more confirmation, and finding vocabulary, than anything else. Some of the "external research" helped me work out what questions to ask . . . but those questions could only be answered internally.

Note that for me, internal reflection was less about "ooooh, I wonder what I feeeeel" and more about "hmmm, let's see how this logically fits together."

I'm not a therian, and I don't really believe that there's much literal truth in myths, so aside from talking to people, external research for me has been more a process of elimination than anything else.

Archer Wrote:As a very young child my investigations were all what you'd call "internal"
...
Years later, when I stumbled across the term otherkin, I had formulated the vast, vast majority of my beliefs based on personal experience.
...
So the "external research" was more confirmation, and finding vocabulary, than anything else. Some of the "external research" helped me work out what questions to ask . . . but those questions could only be answered internally.

QFT

Archer Wrote:...and all that "external research" angle just pretty much confirmed that there aren't any published records that I can find of anything remotely like me.

Completely off topic, but, for folks who don't have published records of their 'kin type how did you deal with that? Was it hard to get over the fact that your 'kin type "doesn't exist" in this world? (Apologies if this is a sensitive issue!)

Archer Wrote:It was more like solving an equation than looking up answers - something like "X + Y + Z = A", only much more complicated, and figuring out what the components were and how they fitted together was of course something that only internal ponderings could cast light (hah hah) on.

For my English-oriented brain the example was complicated enough! <!-- s:shock: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_eek.gif" alt=":shock:" title="Shocked" /><!-- s:shock: -->

It seems that the logical progression is internal ponderings/suspicions, then external research/confirmation. I wonder, if this topic were brought up on other forums if the popular response would be the other way around? Hmm...

Elinox Wrote:

Archer Wrote:...and all that "external research" angle just pretty much confirmed that there aren't any published records that I can find of anything remotely like me.

Completely off topic, but, for folks who don't have published records of their 'kin type how did you deal with that? Was it hard to get over the fact that your 'kin type "doesn't exist" in this world? (Apologies if this is a sensitive issue!)

Not sensitive, no - but I don't see why it's something that would be difficult. I mean something appearing in a storybook is hardly reason to take it as evidence of literal truth ...

More or less both - internal searchs gave me rough idea first, external research made me hone-in on details. During my child and early teenagehood I came to identification that I was somehow nonhuman in a nonphysical way, but it took the external reach into therianthropy and otherkin to put a ’cap’ on it that made me go ‘…oh… that’s what it is.’

Elinox Wrote:Completely off topic, but, for folks who don't have published records of their 'kin type how did you deal with that? Was it hard to get over the fact that your 'kin type "doesn't exist" in this world? (Apologies if this is a sensitive issue!)

For me personally and my shark kintype, it took a lot work to piece together what on I was, then it was ‘what on Earth I am?’ I still go back and forth on whether I think my shark kintype is an extinct shark species or something that actually has never lived on Earth.

- Earth Listener