Ignorance Advice

A month or so ago, I came out to my boyfriend of (at the time) 9 months. It went incredibly well. Really. Infact, I found out that he had always felt some odd energy experiences, and had several of the kinds of therian-type shifts himself. At first, he said he wanted to explore all the possibilities that he now knew existed, mostly info on demons and therians...but after a few days, he said he had seen a show on tv about bears, and it just clicked. He feels very distinct phantom paws. But after he 'discovered' this, he decided he no longer needed to do any research. I have sent him alot of sources and articles, but he doesnt feel the need to read them or do some deep research and soul-searching to confirm what he believes. He says that hes still the same person he was yesterday and theres no reason to confirm anything. He just doesn't feel the pressure to ever find out for sure. In my oppinion, most people don't just "know" their theriotype (or kintype)...it takes research on the animal and a thorough understanding of that creature's true behaviors. He doesn't claim to be absolutely sure of what he is...he does admit that hes just settling with a guess, but it still bothers me when he makes comments about himself being a bear. What do I do? How can you convince someone of the good reasons for completely knowing themself? All I can offer is that for me, it helped me explain to myself why I am the way I am. Help?

And dont get me wrong...I'm thankful that he accepted my beliefs and entertained the idea himself. But I've never dealt with someone who is ok with the notion that there -might- be something nonhuman in their soul, but eh, not a big deal.

EDIT: Not to mention, hes planning on converting to Judaism soon. This is something he should explore, as it may be a big part of him, and may change his beliefs. UGH!

acctualy it looks like he is very confortable with what he believes. not everyone has to be 100% certain about "what" they are to be satisfied. it seems more like he is satisfied with knowing that he's not feeling something "abnormal" and that he now has words to describe what he is feeling when these things happen to him. later on, he may want to explore more, but remember a lot of people take baby steps. they reach a certain point and are satisfied for a time and sometimes they continue to be satisfied with where they ended up, other times they will start searching again. you need to be able to let people stop if they want to, you can't force anything on to them.

it never hurts to drop hints, or conviently leave a book where he might find it (i know a lot of people can't do this), but trying to make anyone do more then what they want is not a good idea.

I'd probably sit down with him and try to have a serious discussion about it. Express my concerns for him and try to help him to understand that more research is never a bad thing. For some people, knowing is enough and they simply don't see a need to do further research. But for most people, in my experience, there is that desire to find out as much information as they can. Since this is a personal thing, perhaps he just needs to go about it his own way? It's going to be hard to just let him alone about it, but maybe that's what works best for him? And if his calling himself a bear bothers you since you think he should do more research, make sure to address that as well. If he knows that it bothers you since you've done your homework and he hasn't, he may stop so as not to upset you.

Anyway, talking and being honest is never a bad thing IMO. Please keep us posted on how it goes.

I would not bother him. He seems very comfortable in what he believes and has a solid foundation to add new beliefs on. I would not push him at all as this may end up pushing him away and turn off him being interested in developing his spiritual side.

Does it matter whatsoever that he doesn't feel the need to join forums and explore what it means to be a bear? Perhaps it means absolutely nothing to him at all, just as plenty of people don't ascribe any special meaning to their sex, nationality, race, or any other aspect of themselves.

It seems it's important to you for him to "explore" it, whatever that means - why is that so?

Well, its not so much about me pushing him, especially not about forums, which I havent suggested whatsoever. Its just...it kinda goes in the same direction as someone who labels themself a wolf because its a cool animal that they like, but not because they know anything about the animal itself. He doesn't know much about bears...what leads him to believe that he has alot in common with them? IMO therians should not fit themself into any category without knowing something about it! You don't just pick one. This is the same thing as someone getting online, and although theyre not sure what kin they are...they decide to call themself an angel for very few legitimate reasons. Admit that you're not sure, whats so wrong with that? I'm not pushing anything...hes not the type of person to respond to that. But I do wish he would just pick one path or another...either don't research and don't make comments about being a bear therianthrope, or make sure he's got a reason to say what he does.

Sounds like that show on bears just made things click for him. In my opinion that is enough for him to base his "I think I am X" on, especially since he had the other shift feelings prior.

BlissfulIsis Wrote:Sounds like that show on bears just made things click for him. In my opinion that is enough for him to base his "I think I am X" on, especially since he had the other shift feelings prior.

that is how most people initialy figure out what they are. some people go further into research to find out what kind they are. example, i'm a bear, but i found that i'm more likely to be a honey bear, due to my ..... but some people are just happy with saying i feel like i am most connected with X and that's enough. they don't need to list traits or anything like that. they just need to have that connection.

zimmerchild Wrote:acctualy it looks like he is very confortable with what he believes. not everyone has to be 100% certain about "what" they are to be satisfied. it seems more like he is satisfied with knowing that he's not feeling something "abnormal" and that he now has words to describe what he is feeling when these things happen to him. later on, he may want to explore more, but remember a lot of people take baby steps. they reach a certain point and are satisfied for a time and sometimes they continue to be satisfied with where they ended up, other times they will start searching again. you need to be able to let people stop if they want to, you can't force anything on to them.

it never hurts to drop hints, or conviently leave a book where he might find it (i know a lot of people can't do this), but trying to make anyone do more then what they want is not a good idea.

100% agreed. And this totally applies to any situation, kin-related or not.

Actually, this whole post clicked with me about a topic that has nothing to do with kin, but with a discussion me and my friends had. Which is eerily uncanny. XD