I'm a...snake? Maybe?

Happy Xmas? XD Is Santa going to get upset that I'm up at midnight? XD

Well, I've been reading around the forum and doing a little bit of writing. What's becoming clear, in reading over my backposts and taking into account my own visualizations, is that I have an awful lot of reptilian traits...I noted some of them down beside me. Though I do know that at least one of them likely has to do with Vitamin D production (needing some form of daylight every few days, or at least doing a lot better with it).

1) need for sunlight, to the point of sitting in open windows or sleeping in the sun when it's out (feels peaceful, "recharges"); when hiking, sunning self on rocks is great
2) "taste" as dominant sense, as regards sensing other spirits (as in a snake or lizard "tasting" air, though this usually is grouped with "6)")
3) touch as most reliable sense in waking dreams; floor as most desired resting spot (as can't fall then and vision is useless); plus high value on tactile sensation
4) "venom" as defensive reflex (+ visualization of biting something and crushing down on it to pump in venom)
5) side-to-side reticulation (vision of swimming which led me first to "fish"; + personal [*personal*] experience)
6) (at times) reflex to swallow other spirits entire

I'm unsure whether this might have to do with a totem though? A while back I acquired a beautiful little Rattlesnake fetish, which I then proceeded to wear in a way which freaked out someone working at a local store (lol). (I tied her in my waistband pointing upwards...like...you know...[I didn't know I was being so iconoclastic])

Of course it would be awfully handy to have limbs, here, but somehow I get that your kintype isn't always the one you'd most like to have. I do think some types of pythons do have rudimentary hind limbs used in mating (basically claws sticking out of their bodies which [apparently] feel good).

To note, I haven't had the vision of constricting anything yet...which would point to a venomous lizard or a snake who's been alienated from her body, or strikes first and then coils. I *have* had the vision of rearing up and hissing with fangs, and spreading a hood isn't that far a jump.

Sound feasible? Are there any ways to confirm this other than learning an awful lot about snakes? <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s --> (Komodo dragons, etc.?)

(There is one snake around here who has found their way into my house at least twice...once when it was a baby through a tiny hole, the second time under the garage door. I threw it out the first time...he or she isn't very much of a threat, just a gopher snake. They look scary, but no rattle. And I know from my youth that if you grab them correctly and stay far enough away from their head, they aren't strong enough to bite you. Of course, when I threw them out they were only maybe a foot and a half long -- looked like a big-ass worm. Now they're probably about three and a half feet long...)

*unclear author, Bell helped*

It's very possible it's a totem, it's possible it's a theriotype, it's possible it's the sort of cameo shift that a shifter or polymorph would experience. A swimming sort of motion doesn't necessarily mean land snake...there are aquatic species, and don't forget that many terrestrial snake species are great swimmers and that there are legless lizards, though the venom thing says snake more than lizard.

There are legless lizards? <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s -->

About the swimming thing -- the water aspect is something that is so ingrained with me as to be compelling, though thinking about it now, it's difficult to separate the cultural associations of water from the idea of physical water. (Given that the plurality of cultural associations are based on water's qualities as experienced in differing biomes.)

I looked up "cameo shift" earlier. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> At the very least, what I can say is that thinking of myself as Rattlesnake today did help me calm down a lot and not be hostile to people I could have lived without seeing. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> So today was basically a success. No freaking out, no attacks on my part, no attacks from him -- just awareness from me.

The "venom" thing...that phrasing's been with me since high school. Because I was too small to physically fight and win, and not of the disposition to physically fight, I learned to defend myself with poison language. Somewhere along the line that seems like it must have linked with the idea of fangs and actual poison...but the possible mechanism for that is unclear, so I'm not sure it's so.

Thanks for the Christmas day reply, by the way. I appreciate it. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s -->

*unknown author, Bell and Sparrow sending some contribution*

Quote:1) need for sunlight, to the point of sitting in open windows or sleeping in the sun when it's out (feels peaceful, "recharges"); when hiking, sunning self on rocks is great
2) "taste" as dominant sense, as regards sensing other spirits (as in a snake or lizard "tasting" air, though this usually is grouped with "6)")
3) touch as most reliable sense in waking dreams; floor as most desired resting spot (as can't fall then and vision is useless); plus high value on tactile sensation
4) "venom" as defensive reflex (+ visualization of biting something and crushing down on it to pump in venom)
5) side-to-side reticulation (vision of swimming which led me first to "fish"; + personal [*personal*] experience)
6) (at times) reflex to swallow other spirits entire

Subtract #5 for me, substitute this:

5) winding movements while climbing (basically, I wrap myself around an object instead of just using hand-and-toe grip methods); strong and frequent urges to climb rocks, bluffs, and trees, both for elevation and for 'shelter'/ability to observe without being observed... indoors this translates to the backs of couches, strong countertops... in cities, it translates to low balconies, wide railings and banisters, and the hood of my car.

I love water, but I am much more comfortable with my feet on the ground or my whole body draped across a thick branch or piece of furniture.

7) EXTREME difficulty regulating my core and surface body temperatures, especially in very cold and very hot weather. This one is medically documented, but it gets explained away with the excuse that my thin skin and small stature make me geometrically prone to freezing easily. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s -->

If I were to associate myself with a specific type of snake, I think it would be an arboreal, diurnal, venomous snake, something very small and probably very well camouflaged. Boomslang, maybe, or something very like it.

Honestly, my favourite animals by far are falcons, tigers, ermines, owls, and foxes... I like snakes, but they aren't in my list of favourites, and I was raised by a woman who is utterly phobic of them. Still... I feel more "snake-ish" than falconine or vulpine or anything else, on a day-to-day basis.

Yup, legless lizards indeed exist! <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legless_lizard">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legless_lizard</a><!-- m -->
They're quite adorable.

I'm still getting over the fact that there's a snake species called a Boomslang...

A few days after this has all happened and I'm leaning toward totem or a new plural form as an explanation, not that one necessarily excludes the other.

Generally...I think there's something happening with my system that I've mostly been unconscious of. I haven't been online as much for the past few weeks, so the amount of time where I'd actually be paying active attention to who's fronting has been cut down. Plus, much of my time online has been at this forum, and I've been forgetting to check who's writing before starting to post; by the end it's usually too late to be accurate. And you can see -- my use of "I" has been becoming more generalized; I've only been using "we" when clearly referring to a group phenomenon (or when Bell's talking). Speaking of which, I keep finding myself shifting mid-entry, which is unlike most posts I've seen online from plural groups (though not unheard of).

We'll see where I'm at in a week...

gah. I'm tired...

I wanted to talk about the gender stuff in combination with what's been happening recently (in the period from about Xmas Eve to now). Short version...I've realized that a great deal of the reason I haven't referred to myself as a "woman" is that the term is too loaded. But if we look at what *sex* I'm identified with, I'm clearly female. When you add the therian stuff in on top of it, though -- it kind of destabilizes the "human woman"/"human man" type dichotomy going on. So instead of measuring oneself against "human woman" (and...there is a massive amount of pressure I've seen going into making human women insecure about being women, in order to sell products), if I'm instead self-defining as something that is still female but of another species...where species is kind of more important than gender (though this form *is* very distinctly female), it kind of opens up a lot of room for a more personal self-definition.

'Course it's also possible that I'm just feeling input from Rattlesnake and since my fetish-spirit has a female gender...I'm just picking up on that, along with the sexuality bent (though that could also be due to hormonal fluctuations). But there's also the fact that it's been becoming less important to me to physically appear male, and that I've actually been slowly building up to wearing heeled shoes and a decent amount of makeup (nothing flashy)...which until about four years ago I wouldn't have even considered. Along with this I've largely dropped wearing my skirts and have been dressing more androgynous-to-female; as versus binding + mens' clothes, or hyperfemme. I *have* been wearing male-gendered clothes, but not because I feel I *have* to, or "should"; more because they're comfortable and allow a wide range of motion without messing themselves up, and they don't draw unwanted sexual attention.

*yawns*

Legless lizards are indeed cute. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> Most of them, anyway. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s -->

I also looked up the term "reticulation" and I'm not sure I used the term right. I was trying to get at this concept of side-to-side serpentine motion, which could be related to fish, eel, snake, or lizard. It just doesn't feel specifically mammalian. There's also the possibility that there's more than one kintype or other-life or DNA imprint being active here, and that the signals are getting mixed up, or I'm adding in information that's just confusing me. Or that I keep forgetting things I said before and thus end up becoming confused all over again...or take cameo shifts (like the long-tailed serpentine form with the arched fins I've felt before) too seriously.

Re: Estelore; I haven't climbed enough to have noticed anything more than resting my weight against a rock or tree to help hold onto it through friction. When younger I used to play around with climbing trees...rocks...arms of couches...<!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s --> but rarely after an early age. I can recall one time going talus-hopping on a field trip (same trip where a bunch of girls got scared off of a lake because they saw a little snake head poking out of the water XD) where I eventually let my weight rest against the rock so I wouldn't fall. I didn't want to disturb the lichens, but it was the lichens or me. ^_^;;

now I'm wandering. I should get some sleep before I become fully incoherent. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s -->

-- blendy including "Rattlesnake" (temp. name)

edited for grammar (switched a semicolon and a comma) 12-29-10.

Old sentence: "Along with this I've largely dropped wearing my skirts and have been dressing more androgynous-to-female, as versus binding + mens' clothes; or hyperfemme."

New sentence: "Along with this I've largely dropped wearing my skirts and have been dressing more androgynous-to-female; as versus binding + mens' clothes, or hyperfemme."

Hi Chordal,

I'm a snakey thing. I identify strongly with large pythons and monitors, but I'm not one of them. I'm just similar to those things. I find research helpful, but what was really helpful for me was going and spending some time with reptiles at the zoo or at a reptile shop. That feeling of seeing "self" is very affirming to me. I feel much more connected to reptiles than to mammals. And remember, you don't have to be a "real" creature, you could be a snakelike being.


And as for the gender thing, I had some trouble with that too. I kept trying to draw my kinside, and I'd always give it a body shaped like mine (female). It always felt wrong and I'd give up frustrated. So I tried drawing it as neither male nor female, and that felt much more right. It helped me figure out how I feel about my gender, other than just "confused."

I will save a deeper response to the beginning of your post for later, so I can think about it more before posting (it's nothing against you, promise), but I did want to mention that ...humans are a species with sexual dimorphism...that is, generally speaking, in addition to having different sexual organs, males and females *look* different. So in the vast majority of cases (*so we suspect*) it's relatively easy to look at someone and be able to tell whether that person is male or female -- to the point that people who *don't* look male or female stand out.

That's not the case with a large segment of life on this planet -- or at least it isn't obvious to someone outside of that species. (That is, a male boomslang may look slightly different from a female boomslang, and the boomslangs themselves probably know [and most likely would know by pheromones]; but someone who isn't a boomslang may not be able to tell.) I'm trying to say that perhaps the discomfort...is based partially in the culture that's built up around sexual dimorphism; this idea that men and women are wholly different things, and that a person can tell on sight what type of being someone is by the way they look.

This is as versus being of a species where differences between females and males largely haven't been selected for in terms of mate choice. It seems more, "we are snakes and we are lovely," than, "I am a beautiful snake and you are a handsome snake," with different standards for each sex, which attributes then get selected for and magnified over time. At the same time, this opens up a whole field -- the question of just how gender relations are between members of nonhuman species. (For species which have genders, that is. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s -->) And even if you knew intimately how one's gender happened to be (through experiencing it), how would you even begin to relate it to someone else when human (and humanizing) terms are all you have, and they essentially erase and rewrite your meaning?

Poetry, maybe? ^_^;;

Back to your post... <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s -->

I've also tended to make drawings where gender cues are glossed over, minimized, or deliberately altered or mixed. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> This can be interesting when getting into psych tests...I'll try not to ruin it for anyone else as best I can, but the end result of mine was that I was identified as being fairly solidly of indeterminate gender...though when you throw in the whole otherkin tangent and realize that the tests are assuming that you're ...to use a broad brush, "human," or at the least they're measuring you against human standards without realizing you may not measure yourself against them as well... I can see how that could lead to some errors. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s -->

Snakey contributing, plus some overarching consciousness; unclear author

I see what you mean, Chordal. Dimorphism is such a huge part of being human, but not such a huge thing amongst some other species. I investigated that angle for a while, trying to figure out if I felt like I was a male or female nonhuman, but I'm really comfortable with gender neutral or third gender. I hope you find what you're looking for. I know it can be very frustrating and confusing some days.

I realized the other night the final (at least for now) thing that kept slipping my mind as regards the snake imagery; that's the quality of being able to periodically self-renew (as in shedding skin). Which, I mean, it sounds kind of gross (XD) and it's difficult to explain, but experientially I get it. It relates to both the plural thing (though by goddesses this was clearer in the past) and to periodic reevaluation and revamping of where I'm at. Mundanely it relates to heading off on new topics and interests regularly.

Getting back to what I skipped over on Wolfsnake's reply...

Zoos and reptile shops...heh. There are two of the latter close to me, though I haven't visited either recently. Last trip to one of them was interesting because of a particular King Snake there...on the outside of his compartment it said that he was an "escape artist"...when looking in on him you could see him probing all the seams of the case, trying to find a way out. (^_^) Unless he's been returned a couple of times for getting loose, he's probably gone to a home by now. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s -->

I'm not entirely certain what my stance is on keeping reptiles in enclosed spaces...I'm not against it, but I suppose you could say that it's complicated. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> If I were living on my own and could afford/tolerate the food (which would probably mean raising feeder mice or crickets or something), I'd more than likely be looking (deeper) into it, but certain housemates here don't like reptiles, and the whole "raising things to be eaten" part is kind of...well, we can say I wouldn't want to betray the mice. Though it would probably be cleaner and happier with me than in a factory-farm situation. Hopefully. <!-- s:? --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_confused.gif" alt=":?" title="Confused" /><!-- s:? --> I guess until the fleas and ticks come...or they escape...and then I have a mouse infestation. <!-- s:| --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_neutral.gif" alt=":|" title="Neutral" /><!-- s:| -->

On the bright side, a snake or lizard of the right species would be less potentially harmful than something like a parrot (as parrots can and do bite, and can get vicious if their emotional needs aren't being met). But now I'm going off on a tangent...(that King Snake was really cute, seriously.) I also knew a girl about a decade ago who had bought a baby Boa Constrictor, they were maybe about 7 inches long at the time (less than a hand-span). They were very cute, but they tried to eat her pinky...-_-;;;...and she was kind of disturbed at this. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> (poor snakey. Wonder what became of them.)

As regards being a snakelike something that isn't literally a snake...I've also looked at this angle, moreso in the past, but I think the deepest I got was "naga." Then there was some "naga vs. lamia" thing going on around the 'net...apparently lamias have arms and nagas don't? Plus their valuations in their respective cultures differ, with lamias being child-eaters and associated with witchcraft, and nagas being apparently wise...which is interesting if you know about Greek culture and Hindu culture having some common ancestry. As I'm looking, it's also apparent that the Hindu concept was passed on to Buddhism.

I may have to look deeper at the lamia angle, though the association of nagas with water, had slipped my mind...very interesting.

--Snakey