I have returned!
Yep, I have returned with a nifty timeline! All questions will be answered! And everything about to follow is all of my opinion and my own truth and no one else's.
1991- come down with Guillan-Barre Syndrome (GBS); paralysis from the chin-down occurs; change in personality occurs because of the GBS (from happy-go-lucky and extroverted to introverted and pessimistic).
1992- relapse of GBS
1993- ability to walk fully again due to physical therapy; however, my walk would permanently be of that of a horse (technical term: equinus gait, meaning a drop-foot gait)
--Over the next years, many relapses of the GBS will recur, though none as severe as the original onset; this will be diagnosed as Chronic Inflammatory Polyneuropathy (also known as Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy; CIDP). Physical therapy will be mandatory for most of the years in the ‘90s and early 2000s. Throughout this time period, being picked on happens due to the different gait.—
2003-start high school at Vanden High. Learn about alternative religions.
2004- start high school at Thomas Edison High.
2005- heard about therianthropy while looking for Myspace groups for vampires. Joined a therian-based group. Jumped to the conclusion of being a wolf therian. Not a wolf therian. Join Trueform Within. Join original Werelist.
2006- started senior year of high school; realized not a wolf therian (had been confused with a spirit guide); after some research, thought I had been a dragon/tiger therian.
2007- graduate high school. Have doubts about being a dragon/tiger therian, but was too wrapped up in a relationship to notice and pay attention to myself.
2008 – relationship ends, learns more about self and joins Otherkin Alliance, still under assumption of dragon/tiger therian
2009- joins Werelist again, remembering the site from before. Still under the assumption of dragon/tiger theiran, but still having doubts/confusion.
2009/2010- focuses more on me and comes to the conclusion of being a polymorphic angelkin. This fits more, but not quite right. The polymorph portion fits and continues to fit, even after the dropping of the “angelkin” title.
2011- beginning of new year. Still under polymorph title, zeroing in on a main kin-type after finding name for a main form (longma). Kin-type: Angelkin (persuasion: unknown, possible Judeo-Christian).
Okay, that timeline isn’t very long but I seem to be missing about 10 years of my life where I can only recall a few random things throughout it, but nothing of any real importance (at least not to me). You will probably have noticed that my kin-type when back to angelkin (with polymorphic abilities) and I will get to that later on down the essay.
There have been dreams where I have shifted to various animal forms, but I don’t like to call them shifts because that seems to imply that they have sort of importance to me when they don’t. I feel that the majority of the dreams I have had have been unimportant, and I feel the same for many dreams that people report having. A dream is (generally) just a dream to me.
I have been a werewolf (think of “Dog Soldiers) in several dreams along with being various winged critters. I have also been human with wings, often times with more than one set of wings. And once I was even an anthropomorphic tiger in a dream. All of the dreams were intensely vivid and can I recall most of each dream to this day. None of the dreams really signal much to me except that maybe I was going through a rough time and trying to deal with things at that time.
I don’t mean to say that all dreams are unimportant, but I think that the majority have no bearing on therianthropy. That being said, I think dreams are also only important to the person who has them in regards to the fact that most dreams seem to be the way the subconscious handles problems that person is going through.
I also don’t think dreams can be interpreted by anyone other than the dreamer because what means one thing to a person may mean something entirely different to another person.
I do not necessarily m-shift, given I am more of a suntherian/synntherian than anything (at least as insomuch as an angelkin can be a suntherian/synntherian). I am more prone to mildly shifts towards more “angelkin” mind-set to more “human” mind-set. However, I also have various “shifts” to other animals and then the part of my mind-set that isn’t “human” becomes of that animal. Say, angel-human mind-set to cheetah-human mind-set (with just an inkling of angelkin at the back).
I do believe m-shifts to be a valid shift among the therian and otherkin communities, not just because I have experienced mild ones myself. It doesn’t seem that far-fetched for there to be a change in mind-set from human to animal or for there to be subtle variations, at least in my mind. I do not really have a reason for believing so, except from what I have read about on various therian and otherkin communities. I have also heard of m-shifts happening to people who are not therians or otherkin, but I have only heard of this from a couple of shamans that I have met.
Phantom shifts are my most common shift and each one is accompanied by a change in mind-set (like a mental shift but not). The phantom shifts range in intensity depending on where I'm at and what the shift is. My most common are sea/water-based (i.e. sharks, whales, etc.) and feline, though they are not limited to sea/water-based and feline. Canine (domestic) is also fairly common though it has started to fade away and not be so common.
The phantom shifts also come with various appendages such as tails, ears, fangs, muzzles, genitalia, blow holes, dorsal fins, and ampullae of Lorenzini (though this could arguable be a sensory shift, but I don't like the notion of 'sensory shifts' and generally acknowledge the ampullae to being an over-stimulation of the nerves in the general area brought on by some sort of accident or just an acknowledgement of the area--kind of like remembering you have a tongue, but not). The most common are the dorsal fins and tails.
There really isn't much I can add about the phantom shifts since most people understand what a phantom shift is.
These can be sensory shifts, bilocation shifts, aural shifts, or a variety of other shifts. I am unable to comment on most of these shifts because I am unable to understand exactly what these shifts are given the lack of a clear-cut definition of what these shifts are.
Therianthropic Experiences and Otherkin Experiences (Which Ever Term You Want to Use)
From the timeline above, you can see I went from wolf to dragon and tiger to polymorphic angelkin to polymorph and back to polymorphic angelkin. Being a polymorph has led to a lot of confusion with me, primarily because I have not been able to control the shift in creatures until recently (and even now it’s hard and the shifts can happen at random times).
The wolf was a confusion on my part and the part of my spirit guide. My spirit guide is a s/he-wolf, whom I originally found out about when I was 8 or 9. S/he would normally only show up for times of severe distress on my part to help me and guide me through everything that was happening. At one point I grew really close to her and it was as if we were one and the same. It would take some dwelling and inner searching to realize this, along with hir ‘separating’ more. This would now leave me lost when it came to otherkin- or therian-based things (for lack of a better word), but I wouldn’t let that get me down.
Dragon seemed a long time coming…after all, I have a connection with dragons outside of just a love for them. Dragon made sense for awhile, especially when looking back on my childhood and the few bits that I really remember. I was always a dragon no matter what the game was. House? I was the pet dragon. Zoo? I was the dragon. I would even go so far as to turn my bed into a nest/den because that felt more natural than sleeping on an actual bed. I thought I should have had a wings and a tail (my blanket would become a temporary tail in place of not having a physical tail)., and it wouldn’t help that I would often have phantom feelings in the shape of wings and a tail while watching shows like Gargoyles. This seems like childhood stuff and what people would grow out of. I didn’t grow out of it and I still haven’t grown out of it, for the most part. I no longer run around with a blanket tucked in the back of my pants and the only time I try to recreate wings is when I’m feeling either scared or angry. Then why am I not a dragon therian? I’ll come to that in a bit.
Tiger would come around the time of dragon, and I often get confused which came first, etc., so bear with me if any dates are mentioned, that’s why. Tiger made sense also, at least to my mind at the time. Right now, I’m not quite certain why I thought tiger. Yes, I liked tigers, and some of what I felt was feline-like, but that’s about the extent of what I remember.
Polymorph and polymorphic angel are going be combined because they sort of go hand-in-hand. As some of you may (or may not) know, I had a small bout of having wound up splitting myself somehow. This could have been due to childhood trauma. The resulting split called himself Gabriel, namely after the Christopher Walken character. He was an angel, and a guardian one at that. We didn’t recognize him as being a split because he seemed so different than me, but it started to make sense when we (more-or-less) started to merge once more into one. This would lead me to feel that I was angelkin after-all, along with a near-breakdown in the shower. After a little while I would start to get scared of this realization and shove into a box because I had the biggest fear that I would go to hell for saying that I was angelkin. I would then take off the “angelkin” part and leave it at “polymorph” because it felt safer and still fit me. I succeeded in shoving the “angelkin” part into a nice box for awhile until very recently when listening to a song in my car and I got slapped on the head and told “you are an angel”. Maybe not in quite so a comedic manner, but it still happened. The thought of still being angelkin had recently started to surface again, but I was still scared of it because of the thought I was going to hell (I was, and am, still fighting my Catholic upbringing). I talked to a few friends about it and they helped soothe the fear. A little bit later, what I described above happened. It made sense, still does. I feel tons better about realizing it, even if it took getting popped on the head by a god.
So, you’re angelkin. What type? Why?
I am possibly of the Judeo-Christian paradigm, but I now follow Anubis (primarily). This makes sense given that it ‘feels’ right in saying that I was possibly an angel of death. Not “THE” angel of death, mind you. This goes along with just a firm gut feeling that I have had since I was little. Death and ‘darkness’ were my thing, still are. I was drawn to it all and it felt like I should be doing something to help it along. I should be there when the person (or animal) dies, or I should take care of the person (or animal) after they die. It was supposed to be my job to do this, not someone else’s. When I was 15, I wanted to be a mortician. I still do, but I wasn’t certain how to go about it until recently. This could be because of the god that I serve, but the feeling goes more deeper than that—like I was meant to do it, that I was made to do it.
As you can see, most of my life has been hectic. And the last 6 years or so, when I started to pay attention, has gone through lots of flip-flops and back-and-forths and plenty of confusion. I have settled back on angelkin as a kin-type, but I am not 100% certain and probably never will be because the experience is subjective and lots of things have a tendency to evolve. However, I will embrace it and not let the fear get to me anymore because I am better than that (or I think I am at any rate). I will keep this updated on occasion, especially if my thoughts change on any such matter as what I have talked about, and if I have remembered anything more of importance or possible importance.
Members: Gabriel, Lestat, Nico, Fenrir, and Nathaniel.