How does this happen?
Otherwise known as the "Wow I fucked up because I wanted something to believe in" realization post. I'm sure most of us have gone through this at some point in their lives. However, we think we have this figured out now...or they do atleast...*twitch* Gah. It makes our brain hurt to think about it but we'll try and explain it as best we can.
How this happened; From the perspective of the host: Well...looking back on it now, I have to say that it has something to do with the fact that I had no idea what was going on when they were waking up, and thus sealed them away out of fear when I first encountered them when I was 12. I don't remember really how THAT was done, but fear is a great motivator I guess. Anyway, I first noticed Xilthanas, who was a shard from Mythanos but he will go into that later, when I was getting into my late teens, after having practiced paganism for a few years and done some inner work. Somehow I woke him up, but he was really confused, like his thoughts weren't all there or something. Little did I realize how close to the mark I was.
I wouldn't find out until years later, after meeting my current girlfriend, and waking up the other shards of Mythanos along the way, not even realizing who or what they were, thinking they were separate people and had always been that way. Then similarities started to become more evident. Like if you took all their features and mashed them together they would make the right face kind of thing. Then one of them mentioned Mythanos, and I thought at them 'who?' And then they went quiet. Four other voices, who were so intent seconds ago, were now silent. For some reason, I didn't think anything of it. And then, about six months ago or so, I noticed another box in my head. (Boxing: a defensive fear response some young children have to first encountering their headmates.) Thing was, I didn't remember this one. Like, I almost could, but it seemed not quite formed...like something that happened before I was born even maybe. *shrug* Haven't quite figured that out yet. And about a week ago now, the four shards of Mythanos were reintegrated, forming the old whole again. I couldn't have done that without my girlfriend. She played a large part in helping me make sense of all this. Gave me someone to talk to about it and help me work it out as best she could. So now, currently, there are 3 people in here now, myself/Kyrelanthor, Kyril, and Mythanos.
And thats all I really know. For my part anyway.
From the Perspective of Kyril: Well, I didn't wake up until about six months or so ago like he said, so I can't judge how he handled what he did to the others. I do have to give him credit though for managing to wake me. I was surprised at how well he handled it actually. Most people tend to atleast flinch when first meeting me, but he barely even blinked. So he had my respect pretty much right away regardless. Finding out about the shards of Mythanos was...interesting to say the least. Its not every day you hear about a soul being broken into pieces, nor about the events leading up to their reintegration. Being present for such a thing is fascinating by the way. Its like watching paints mix almost, or listening to an orchestra tune up before assembling a moving tune. Fascinating. As for me, I've always been me. Who I am is not important really. I could care less what my station is or whether or not I'm the strongest/fastest/toughest whatever. I just want to see how deep this rabbit(the host) is willing to go down the hole.
From the perspective of Mythanos: Fine, I suppose I'll say something. Alright look, I was broken. Sundered. Torn into four different pieces. Do you have any idea how that feels? It hurts. Alot. I could care less who thinks what of me. All I want is to get home. All I want is to feel the thrill of war again. To hear the sound of metal singing off metal, to feel my sword threshing down all in front of me because it is what I DO. I destroy. I condemn. I judge and execute. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't pretend to be civil. I don't pretend to care. Does this mean I'm a brute? No. I just know my purpose and duty. I carry it out regardless of circumstance. Outside of war...thats different. I had family once. Probably still do, considering the longevity of my kind. Do they know of me? Probably not. The family I have that still survives has probably lumped me into their family legends. But that won't matter. One day, I will leave this prison my mother wrought for me. What? Oh...About them. Right. Ah...Apologies.
My four pieces were named Xilthanas, Mythos, Lorancol and Alinias. Each of them essentially represented a facet of myself. Xilthanas, fanatical, biased, angry, and mostly unreasonable. Mythos, caring, logical, good-natured and intelligent. Lorancol, my darkness, desperate thoughts, sadist, a fiend of the worst kind. Alinias, shattered, fragmented, unhinged, somewhat incomprehensible but otherwise meant well. These four pieces...They were no less people because of their origins. There was sadness in the reintegration. A sense of loss. But it needed to be done. There was pain. But pain can be ignored. Worked through. Once it was over, there was clarity. A new sense of wholeness. A sense that while the whole is whole, the pieces still linger, in memories, mannerisms. A shadow of light. A piece of the whole. Me. Them. All of it. And thats where we stand now. I'll hand it back over to the host now.
Well...really have no idea if this is the end of it or not...probably not. I still have no idea what I am really. Kyril seems to think he is my otherness, but I thought that about the other four as well. I'm keeping my eyes open this time, instead of latching onto something just because I feel lost in an ocean of doubts and fears. And thats probably the best lesson or advice right there. Don't cling just because your afraid. Huh.
Anyway...I hope no one really thinks less of me because of this...I feel enough like an ass already for jumping the gun for years and years...*cringes in preparation for flaming*