Hello, etc

Hi-hi <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> My name is Nic, which I tried to get as a username, but was already taken... LOL I hail from OKC, and via pyewacket's LJ, found this place.

The Basics:

Name: Nic/Nicole
Age: 24
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada but moving to Calgary, Alberta, Canada hopefully in April
Gender: Gender-fluid female/female-slanted androgynous
Sexuality: Lesbian, somewhat bi-curious
Spirituality: In progress
Kin side: Anthropomorphic black panther
Theme song: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFhRowkNrTM">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFhRowkNrTM</a><!-- m -->

The Details:

Kin:
My 'Kinness is somewhat difficult for me to explain. Since childhood, I've had a phantom tail, although once I was old enough to realize, 'hey, other people don't have body parts that nobody can see' I pushed it to the back of my mind, pretty much ignored it. Stumbled onto OKC 14 months ago, had a couple SHAZAM! moments, and now I'm pretty chill about it all. Basically, my 'Kin side is an anthropomorphic blank panther. I'd actually been thinking it was a leopard, but upon closer examination and a couple small shazammy moments while chatting with Stray, I realized it's a lot closer to jaguar than leopard. Or hell, it could be neither, who knows? I mean, it's not like we have anthrocats wandering around, right? But jaguar is the one I relate closer to, rather than leopard. Which... kinda sucks, 'cuz I like leopards better LOL

Awakening:
For as long as I can remember, I've felt I wasn't human. When I was little, I used to think I was an alien. I felt like a cat of some kind, but it didn't occur to me that I could be an animal or part-animal. I just knew of humans and aliens (my mom and brother and I watched Star Trek together... LOL) and I figured, well, I definitely wasn't human, so I must be an alien. As I got older, I realized how impossible that was, in a physical sense, so then I toyed with the idea that I was simply adopted. Which, if you could see me and my mom together, you'd know that's not the case LOL I look just like her. Although, despite knowing otherwise in a completely logical sense, I always felt like I was something that the rest of my family (and the rest of the people I knew, really) wasn't. About two years ago, I discovered psi-vampirism, and then I figured that's what I was, although it always felt wrong, somehow. But, I latched onto it, because I needed to know that I wasn't fully human, and that was the only thing I'd heard of that made sense. Probably helped that I do have some psi-vamp tendencies. Anyway, so just over a year ago, I was looking up psi-vamp related things, and stumbled upon the concept of otherkin. After a bit of looking around, I kinda had a "HOLY CRAP IT'S ME!" moment LOL
So, long story short, I knew I was something no-human when I was young (7 or earlier) but I didn't figure out what until I was 23.

Spirituality:
I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home, and up until about 2 days ago, considered myself Christian. Now I don't know. I don't question whether there is a God, I've experienced Him/Her/It/Them, but I do question the portrayal of God in the Bible. I've realized that, had I not grown up Christian, it's not a belief I would have chosen, myself. I also have been doing some research on it, and after finding things that have conflicted or been proven wrong, I now feel that I can't trust anything in the Bible to be true, so I'm now searching for my own truth. Or rather, the truth and my own interpretation of it.

If there's anything else you'd like to know, don't hesitate to ask <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> I'm an open book.

Welcome <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s -->

Welcome to OKP!

Would you mind reducing your signature size? It's... overwhelming. <!-- s:shock: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_eek.gif" alt=":shock:" title="Shocked" /><!-- s:shock: -->

Welcome to OKP!

Why do you believe anthro-jaguar as opposed to a jaguar therian with phantom limbs?

Also, I'm similar with my Christian views.

Well, I've talked with a number of therians about phantom limbs and how it feels and such, and the replies I've gotten have been more along the lines of feeling like their animal form is "stretched" over their human form. I don't feel like that. I sometimes feel that my body is disproportionate to what it "should be" -- I feel that my legs are too long, my arms are "wrong" (so is pretty much everything else, BTW... just a feeling of off-ness) and my torso is too short. I have feelings of sitting and lounging in trees in ways that felines don't. Similar, but different. Also, jaguars don't live in trees. Hunt in them, yes, but not live in them, and I feel very strongly that I should be living in a tree. I've also "seen" my children, and they were anthro-cubs.

Although, to be more accurate, I'm not anthro-jaguar as much as an anthro-feline entity that feels closer to a jaguar than a leopard. Over on OKC, I described it as feeling like a "cousin" to both humans and panthers.

yo and welcome