Selana Wrote:If there was an otherkin community back then, I did not know about it. I really resisited the whole thing and tried to bury the awakening for many years. (I can't help but wonder if that is also true with others who are older, and did not have the online (or any) community?)
I didn't exactly bury my awakening, but I didn't exactly accept it either. On the surface, I used it as fodder for writing fictional stories. I tried put put any thoughts about it being more than just fiction out of my mind, sometimes with more success than others. But since I did use it that way, I can't really take it at face value now. I don't know at this point which parts were original and which parts I added on to make the stories work. So now I tend to take a couple steps back and look at the overlying themes rather than the details, but I can't toss the details out the window either. I don't know which ones might be important.
In some ways I think my lack of involvement in a community during those years makes me more 'pure' in that I had no social confirmation for the things that commonly come up in otherkin discussions, such as phantom limbs, believing I came from 'somewhere else,' feeling not quite human, and an interest in the paranormal. On the other hand I'm also a bit more 'corrupted' in that I didn't take it completely seriously so I know I can't trust my memories any further than I can throw them.
I also have not yet heard anyone else describe anything that sounds similar to the place I used to think of as 'home.' I'm starting to think that if one of my suspected other selves was asleep and dreaming, that might be the kind of place he'd dream about. Maybe the place existed and maybe it didn't.