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Hello!
Artificial Self ~
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Post: #1
Hello!
Nice to meet you all. I'm a little bit shy and I don't know how to introduce myself. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> By the way, I should try in any case. So... let's do it. <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
My nickname, "Artificial Self ~", is the title of a story I'm writing these days.
I'm a girl, I'm 22 and I'm not english! And... my english is not very good, I guess.
I've found this forum some weeks ago and I've heard for the first time about Otherkins some weeks ago as well. But... it's strange to me to say it, but... the things I've read, I think there were things I knew from a long time. I was not surprised at all. They confirmed the things I've always thought about myself.
Starting from the time when I was 4, I was sure I was a demon. I've always felt it. Don't know how to explain, but I guess you're feeling me. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->
Growing up, some strange things happened to me. I was able to hear other peoples' thoughts, predict things that always happened ( I dreamed about peoples' deaths, especially ), or make other things happen.
At the age of 12, I was very angry with a girl, so I thought a thing like "Hope she breaks a leg, today". I'm happy I wasn't thinking about something worse at that moment, since that day I broke my left leg. When I was thinking of that 'curse' for the girl I hated, I was watching me at the mirror. Ahah, a little stupid. But I didn't know it was dangerous to do it, at that time...
This experience, though, scared me this much that I've tried to control myself in an excessive way. I've didn't do other magic very often. Sometimes, things happen as well, but I tried to convince myself that it couldn't be. That I was lying to myself, and that magic, and demons, couldn't exist...
Inside of my mind, of my heart, I said to myself that I was not ready to use magic again. I closed a door inside of my heart, and I opened it today. It's strange, but... I'm feeling again the sensation of a strong energy ( It's a sort of energy in recharge, and it grows every second that are passing ), sensation that I was trying to hide to myself.
Now I'm ready. And I'm glad to be here with you all, who could understand my feelings and experiences.
Obviously, I don't say I am a demon because only of magic. I was always fascinated from chaos and negativity, from death and pain, fear, despair. Don't know why. I'm not a sadist, I assure you. It's just... my way to be.
I change my appearance to be appreciated from other people, moreover. I have multiple identities, multiple personalities. I can talk to all of them as they were in front of me, as it was the most normal thing in the earth.
I can't feel guilty, but I'm a person that tends to return the favor. So I will be grateful to those who are kind to me, and take revenge on those who are not.
Every characteristic that I've read about demonkin suits me, and it didn't surprise me though. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->
I'm terribly honest about what I think, but at the same time, I am unable to relate to others without playing a part. I'm used to model myself as needed, managing to never lie, though. There are a lot of true version of truth ( Every one has their personal way to see life, in fact ), so I don't need to fake my feelings, I just need to choose the correct word and attitude to use at the moment to explain them to a specific person. The way they understand myself changes as I change my way to speek to them. Obviously.
By the way, I'm not popular or what. I have friends on the internet, but they're not "close friends". In real life, I only have two friends. Or three.
I'm not very talkative, in real life. I'm a thoughtful person, who likes to observe and study the others. I like psychology, I like human minds.
I also am fascinated from criminal minds. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> Or crazy people in general. I like to study the way of thinking of a mind at the edge between real and illusions, between logic thoughts and madness. It's interesting, isn't it? <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->
I think I talked too much, this post seems very long! <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> Sorry... and... nice to meet you again! <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
2015-04-07 9:59
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Post: #2
Re: Hello!
Welcome <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> Your english is quite good! I'm definitely curious about what you think you can "make happen"...coincidence really is a thing as are self fulfilling prophecies (such as with you breaking your leg). The brain is a strange place that we still don't fully understand. What I'll say about not being able to feel guilt, being brutally honest, etc. is that those are all human things. I also don't do the whole guilt thing, nor do I feel empathy towards other people...but I'm not demon-kin...not even close. Also, humans are natural mimics. It's an evolutionary advantage, especially among social species, to "blend in". The bottom line is to be wary about using human traits as "evidence" of something non-human.

[Image: seraphyna11_zps47e1e313.png]
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost."-Tolkien
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."-Poe
2015-04-07 13:47
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Artificial Self ~
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Post: #3
Re: Hello!
Uh, understood! Thank you! <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
2015-04-07 13:50
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Post: #4
Re: Hello!
Welcome to OKP!

Artificial Self Wrote:My nickname, "Artificial Self ~", is the title of a story I'm writing these days.

I had wondered about that! When I first saw the name I thought you might identify as a robot or AI.

Artificial Self Wrote:I'm a girl, I'm 22 and I'm not english! And... my english is not very good, I guess.

What is your native language? I'm sure your English is better than my attempt at your native tongue!

Artificial Self Wrote:I have multiple identities, multiple personalities.

Do you then identify also as a multiple system?

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2015-04-07 14:38
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Post: #5
Re: Hello!
Elinox Wrote:Welcome to OKP!

Artificial Self Wrote:My nickname, "Artificial Self ~", is the title of a story I'm writing these days.

I had wondered about that! When I first saw the name I thought you might identify as a robot or AI.

Artificial Self Wrote:I'm a girl, I'm 22 and I'm not english! And... my english is not very good, I guess.

What is your native language? I'm sure your English is better than my attempt at your native tongue!

Artificial Self Wrote:I have multiple identities, multiple personalities.

Do you then identify also as a multiple system?

Uh, multiple system? <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> I think I should! My psychologist says I could probably suffer from DDI, that's why I have more than a self. :'3 But I don't know. And she doesn't know as well.

I don't know if it's DDI or what. When I was 4, I was already talking with my "alters", or at least I was able to feel them. We cooperate as an efficent system, I guess. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> And that's the reason why I've choose "Artificial Self" as a title for the story. ... and also because I like how it sounds! <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> Ahahah and yeah, I'm not a robot. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> Maybe. <!-- s:roll: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" title="Rolling Eyes" /><!-- s:roll: --> <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
My native language is italian, by the way. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

Ah! I almost forgot! @Seraphina! Uhm... I guess it's not like I convinced myself I could do such things. It's just... I didn't even think about these things. Other people noticed that strange facts happened near me. For me, it was absolutely normal and I didn't noticed it at all. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> I also answered to other people sentences without they even spoke, or something like this. I can do some sort of things that I ( and not only I ) am sure that are not just coincidences. That's the reason why I was scary about myself and why I ignored ( Until some weeks ago ) everything that was 'weird' for most of people.

It's hard for me to tell all these things, because I'm scared, I guess. First, I'm scared that you could think I'm just a person that is telling nonsense ( Yesterday, I've told the same things I've wrote in this post to a virtual friend of mine. He thought I was just imaginative ), and on the other hand, I'm scared to... have the confirm I'm not crazy. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> I've seen too much psychologists, I've heard too much classmates ( in my past ) telling I was "that creepy and strange girl, mentally unstable". It's strange that I've found the courage to listen to myself... and to write here. So thank you to you all. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
2015-04-07 15:14
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Elinox
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Post: #6
Re: Hello!
A multiple system user who is a member here wrote a very helpful FAQ guide to multiplicity which I just posted here.

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"You're the best kind of crazy." -Murphy, The Dresden Files
2015-04-07 16:33
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Post: #7
Re: Hello!
My Italian is super rusty...but let's give it a try! *ahem*

Basta, no sembri pazzo ma confuso. Abbastanza coincidenze sembrano qualcosa di più ma forse solo coincidenze. Non escludono spiegazioni normali.

For everyone else: Stop, you don't seem crazy just confused. Enough coincidences can seem like more but may only be coincidences. Don't exclude normal explanations.

Google translate aided me a bit <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->

[Image: seraphyna11_zps47e1e313.png]
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost."-Tolkien
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."-Poe
2015-04-08 0:54
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Artificial Self ~
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Post: #8
Re: Hello!
Thanks, @Elinox, I'll read the topic! <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->

Ahah, @Seraphyna, it's not bad, you know? Your italian, I mean. <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin --> By the way, I don't know. Maybe I seem confused, because I am a lot, you're right. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> But I don't know if they were coincidences or what. <!-- s:? --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_confused.gif" alt=":?" title="Confused" /><!-- s:? --> They were too many and it's too strange. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> It happened that I knew the exact words the people near me was about to say at the moment. It was strange, and it happened a lot of times. Or dreams where I've seen accidents or deaths. I dreamed the place, even if I couldn't know it ( because they were strangers, very often; and I've heard about the way in which they died on the tv, the next day after the dream. I didn't know those people before those news... ), and the way the situation happened. And everytime, it happened that same way. <!-- s:? --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_confused.gif" alt=":?" title="Confused" /><!-- s:? -->

But a lot of time, I admit I confused things that didn't depend on me to things that depend on me. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> But the point is that now I know that these had nothing to do with me, but those others do.

I don't know how I could explain things that I've told you I did in a rational way. I've always told myself that we know a little of our minds, of our brains. I don't know. Maybe... there's something like vibrations that could explain something like "the mind-reading fact", or the "premonitory dreams fact", I guess. I know that I could seem an irrational person, but I always told myself the most rational explainations for everything that happened. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> Yesterday ( here is the 7:59 a.m., now ) I was just... overload of emotions ( don't know if this sounds correct... I didn't know how to translate these two words I was thought, and I used google translate. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> Maybe I could say I was... excited? <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> But also scared... and in anxiety. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> ) and I've told so many things, looking for an explaination. But at the end, I don't know. Maybe I seemed a lot of... exaggerated, narrating these events like I did yesterday. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->

The fact is... that the more I've told myself "they are just coincidences", the more I've felt frustrated. The thruth is that I'm not here to say that I have superpowers or something like this. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> I just think I could do things that everyone here could do. Nothing more, nothing less. I just think that our minds are stronger than what we use to believe. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> Those facts happened for real, but it obvioulsy exists a reason, an explaination. Science discovered that a lot of things which in the past were "paranormal", are just normal. <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin --> So I don't know. Maybe, you're right, and there is a normal explaination to all these things. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> But coincidences... I don't think so. Or at least, I think that life is a sort of coincidence itself, and everything is moved by fortuity ( I do something. Something else happened as a conseguence. That conseguence has some influence on other peoples' life. They do some other things influenced by the conseguence of your act. And ecc... <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> ). I believe in cause and effect, a chain of events that are just random and which depend on our actions. Even action we do indirectly. And I don't know, maybe the influence of those could reach someone who is far from us. But you see, there is a reason for all this things. Fortuity and human ( and not only human ) acts are a reason. Coincidences... I don't believe they exists. Because I think that everything which seems like it has no sense, it's a conseguence of something different happened before. And so, it has it's reason. <!-- s:? --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_confused.gif" alt=":?" title="Confused" /><!-- s:? -->

... sorry. I let myself be carried away by the speech again. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> Forgive me. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: -->

By the way, thanks to you two again. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> And now, I'm going to read that topic. <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
2015-04-08 6:31
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Post: #9
Re: Hello!
Hi, and welcome to the forum!

I haven't been around for a few weeks because my computer was acting strange. I found it was a registry error resulting from a recent update. -_-;; Every time I would come here, my screen would flash black for a moment, either after having logged in or at logout. It was kind of creepy and I wasn't sure if anyone had tinkered with the site's back end, so I stayed away. But I think it's better now. So hi! <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

I identified for a number of years as a demon, as well, though I eventually got to the point where I could see that some of it was negative self-talk (plus impact from having been rejected and harassed for years), and that there could be better (if less tangible) explanations. At this point...I'm thinking that I'm a medium and that the times I felt demonic, this was just because my protector was hanging around and I was picking up on/channeling him. It's...a long series of stories.

I'm also a very creative person by nature, and for me it's difficult to create when I'm focusing on being demonic; I start to question if what's coming out of me could have a positive impact on this messed-up society I live in. I've been trying to give the identity tangent a rest, but it's kind of been coming out anyway because I've been indirectly telling people about it -- I have an alternate name and a nonstandard gender identity, and people have been considering these in an effort to be supportive. Just recently I've been attempting a self-portrait which I couldn't bring myself to work on, today, because in it, I look like I'm male, and it just triggered some stuff. (this piece is likely not going to be online in any way connected to my name, just...to be clear.) <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

I'm female by sex, but my identity is fluid. I'm trying to figure out whether to try social transition to a more masculine role again, in order just to feel more comfortable in day to day life. In any case...that's just me; I don't want to take over your intro thread!

I hope you have a nice stay here. I'm thinking this is one of the more demon-friendly otherkin fora I've been on, so at least you've found a good (if quiet) spot. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> See you around!
2015-04-16 5:26
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Artificial Self ~
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Post: #10
Re: Hello!
Thank you! Sorry for my absence! I'm here again now! <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
2015-04-24 17:26
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