Health scare

There's been quite a lot going on over here, but Chord (a.k.a. our core person) is having trouble putting things into words at the moment.

Therefore, hi!

At this moment in time, we've generally not been attributing names to people, but when she asked me to write for her, she intended to ask Bell. We can't be sure whether I actually am Bell or not (on the whole, the plurality thread has been dropped and none of us have been intentionally paying attention to which of us is out when, but Chord has been...intending to get back into writing...and needs some help).

So, regardless of my name, let us proceed...

And, right -- this is in the W-I/M subforum because it's me talking, though I suppose I probably shouldn't feel limited to posting here.

We've been having some issues recently, particularly around becoming aware of how many of the others in our (external, IRL) life experience serious health problems. Someone close to us had a health scare shortly ago, which triggered some thinking on the nature of death and etc. I really can't be certain exactly what's happening, at least not from here -- the initial blood tests came back fine, we are still waiting for more to be done. It's just that this person has lost a lot of weight in a relatively short time. Chord has been concerned about cancer; but even if that's what's wrong (initial tests say not to worry for now), there's really nothing she can do about it. In any case there has been some preparation for the worst-case scenario.

This is given that it is not out of the realm of possibility for our city to be nuked at any time going forward...in which case, we're all dead anyway. And given that, it's not...surprising that the larger issue is how to live without this person, not any concern for the fate of their soul or somesuch. The person in question doesn't have the same belief system as Chord, though (that having been built up over years), so we can't be sure that they are well-prepared...Chord sees death as the beginning of a wonderful journey, but this may be because life is, well, it's difficult for her. Even the basics of eating and sleeping can be difficult for her (as evinced by us writing this at 1 AM). The thought of continuing to live -- and how to do so -- is really of greater concern than anything approaching "how will this person fare in the afterlife?" Because this person will be fine.

The issue is how to survive without them.

There's also the question of if the linkages she senses between us (spirits) are true or false, but in a worst-case scenario, there is no room for uncertainty, and "well, I think..." Out of all of the theories that have come up in this brain, the ones revolving around the afterlife are the most tenuous. There have been no direct teachings on it, so far. Within this brain, the most we have is not to fear it, as it is in all effect "going home." Which is, you know, a bit poignant, for her, because many times, she's wanted to "go home" too. The reason I stay here is that I don't want to throw away thirty years' worth of training which was given to me in hopes that I would become a productive adult.

But we're with her to help her stay here and in the process, to attempt to make a difference in this world for the better. This world is unbelievably flawed -- something that's become more apparent, the longer we attempt to enter into the fully-adult world. It's only really been very recently that Chord has been...aware? that there are, for example, jobs in the production of graphic novels, and that she can, if she really wants to, and really practices, work to enter one of these positions. The reason we are not in the field as of yet? and the reason we are at the stage we're at now? is that we didn't make the leap early on to practice Art. Chord had been told there were no good jobs in Art, other than in Advertising, and with that I point back to the "unbelievably flawed" statement, above.

The one Marketing class we had really ...haha, was not good. (I will try and refrain from using slang.) If the entirety of Marketing was like that class, it's something we want to avoid, because it's delusory in nature. But let me get off of that topic, for now...

So this person is very close to Chord, and very beloved by her. I think if everything is in place for a smooth transition between their being there, and their not -- I think it will be OK. The problem, majorly, is that Chord is not all the way independent yet (if I can say that?) and that in itself makes the prospect of a guardian's death terrifying. Add this to the problem of employment (though things are better now than when she was initially employed at the bottom of the recession), and you can kind of see where I'm going.

The last time we were living by ourselves, we nearly had a mental breakdown...though, of course, I should remind everyone (in here) that that was 15 years ago. A.k.a. a little less than half our life ago.

(I think that reminder helped.)

Why am I writing this? There was something that wanted to come out which would not have had the option to do so, had I chosen to say nothing. And Chord needed someone to know about this, but couldn't find the words. What that thing was that wanted to come out...? I'm not sure we have enough of a gift of objectivity to positively identify it now, sorry to say. But I hope that things get better. Maybe when we look at this tomorrow, it will trigger off the right bit...

When will the final results be in for your loved one's tests?

And I hope they feel better soon!

Elinox Wrote:When will the final results be in for your loved one's tests?

I'm not sure when the results will be in, but the last test (if all is seen to be well and no further tests are required) should be next week. All the tests that have come back so far, save one, have been normal. That "one" that stands out is something that has to get checked out again, to see if the spot that showed up is benign or not. But I don't think that the one spot is causing what's going on -- from what I've heard, I get the impression that it's small.

It's also possible that what's going on is just diet, exercise, and aging, combined...