Naida Wrote:I've known of Otherkin going on 6 years now. I don't know how to explain how I feel about certain things without sounding like a nut. I'm a very shy and reserved person so it's hard for me to come out and talk about this.
I'd guess that just about every otherkin that comes onto a forum like this feels the same - concerned that their beliefs will be too out there, shy, and so used to not discussing this that they don't even have the words yet.
It comes in time.
Quote:My memories start from the time I was about 5 years old.
Do you know if there's a reason why? That seems on the late side for a first memory - do you have anything vague before then, or was it blank?
Quote:I felt like a plague to the other children and this lasted pretty much through college. People tend to ignore me, make an effort to physically avoid me. I don't know whether or not this has anything to do with being Kindred... but that's why I'm asking.
If people make an effort to avoid you, it's usually down to one of a few reasons:
- Basic social skills - just not knowing how to interact with people, what to say, how to say it, etc. To an extent I'd include things like dress sense/style and personal hygeine - if you look and smell like a bum (even without realising it!) people won't stick around. A lot of people - kin and non-kin - have difficulties with this. To an extent I do myself, but I've never really tried to get friends, so it hasn't bothered me.
- Pure personality. If there's something about you that people find hard to like, they generally won't make the effort.
- The intangibles; giving off "a bad vibe." This can come from a lot of things - energy (in a metaphysical sense), body language, a lot of things.
That to me is a big question for you: "Why do people avoid me?" It might seem obvious and I'll apologise if it is, but if that's one of your flags that you're unusual, you need to try to answer it step by step.
Quote:Another issue I've been having: The past 4 years I've held the strong belief that I was something of the water. I don't know what to call it.
Do you know why? Where did this feeling come from? Can you tie it to a specific incident or place? Or something you watched or read? Was there a smell of something, or a sound, that made you feel "ahh, this is right"?
Quote:But that's fading. I don't feel normal and I'm not okay.
It's okay to be not okay about this. Trying to figure out you're identity, who you are, is both a huge question and one that is fundamental to everything you do or feel. I'm not saying this to scare you - just to explain that when you become aware of a change in your understanding of self, it is reasonable and sensible to be concerned about it.
Quote:I'm actually quiet depressed over this and my therapist has no answers for me, because, well I'm not entirely honest with her. I have a daughter who's nearly two and I'm terrified of being "locked up" because I'm "crazy" and at the same time I feel like I'm losing my mind and myself. I'm also in the middle of a divorce, so I don't want my husband to have leverage on me, telling the courts I'm unstable.
First up, I would make sure any records your therapist has are completely confidential: ask, to be sure. If you decide that medication could help, make sure that your soon-to-be-ex could not possibly find out. Other than that: you're a mother, you're getting divorced, you're under stress. It is reasonable to have therapy and you (or your lawyer) can present it as reasonable.
Second of all, there is absolutely no possibiity of you being locked up so long as you are not dangerous. If you do become dangerous to yourself or others, or if you become stressed or depressed to the point that you can't properly care for your daughter,
Quote:I don't know what to do. I need some advice. Is it normal to feel this way. I was so very sure of myself, since I was a little girl I've had an affinity to water... just fresh water. Like lakes and ponds and rivers and waterfalls. I don't know why. I've had reoccurring dreams that feel so much more detailed that any of the other dreams I've ever had of me being in a river. It confuses me.
You're already ahead of the game. You were sure of something, now you aren't. So instead of just assuming your belief was right, now you can actually examine it. Sure is bad. Questioning is good.
Quote:I've tried meditation and the only thing I'm getting out of it is this path that I keep following until I realize I'm going in circles, the I walk off it and come to this waterfall and this beautiful brown and tan horse comes up to me and speaks to me but I never remember what he says when I come out of my meditation. And when I say speak I don't mean he's moving his lips, he just in my head.
If you don't remember the words, do you remember the emotion it caused in you? Have you ever had a horse or been riding? Or wanted to?
Quote:Is anyone else this frustrated? I don't want to be "different" or "weird" I just want to live out this life, take care of my daughter and maybe have a little bit of peace. But I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I feel like something horrible is inside me, physically inside me. I just don't know what to do. Please someone, give me some kind of advice.
Yes, other people are or have been this frustrated. They generally get the easy way out, though - if you get like this at the age of 19 or so you can drop out a bit, drink, sleep late, read anything, talk all day and night with people who you connect with. But you're grown up and in the real world so you don't get to do it the easy way, which in the long run is probably a good thing.
Next question. What is it that you feel inside you? Does it have shape, form, emotion, size, personality?