Fear

It seems irrational, but I fear discussing being Other with friends and family. Perhaps it is judgment, being treated differently, or being pushed away. I even feared writing this article at first, but there was a sense inside me that seemed to say: other people have felt this before, you are not alone. I do not know if that is true, and I might be making a complete fool out of myself by writing this thread, but I am usually good at picking up on fear and my senses told me there were others who felt or feel the same. I want to confront my fear of acknowledging what and who I am rather than deny it. Here I will try to explore it.

At the moment I have more questions than answers. Where does this fear originate? Do I fear admitting my Otherness because I myself do not truly believe in it, or because peers will ridicule me for believing in it? I keep wondering and I have found no answers, probably because I am to obsessed with the questions. I am in the opinion all fear is rooted in ignorance and in this line of thought perhaps it is the inability to calculate the affects of affirming my beliefs in a public way would have on myself and those around me. Would my friends knowing such a fact view me solely as what I claim to be, would they loose sight of other important aspects of my identity? Perhaps it is the not knowing which haunts me most of all, the horror of possibility.

I have not seen this topic addressed in a thread before and I finally grew to tired of trying to reconcile this fear on my own. In a way the process is not unlike my past confrontation with my sexuality, as the fear seems uncannily similar. Sexuality, however, is something far more tangible. My homosexuality is evident in my attractions and interactions and it is accepted by society as a reality even if it is hated by some. Being Other - feeling as though you are something other than human at least in part - , however, is of a spiritual and personal nature of the likes which cannot be observed and proven and has certainly yet to be accepted by any culture - that I know of - as reality. These questions, these fears, have kept me up at night weighing the possibilities, the outcomes. There is a part of me that thinks such things are better left known to only myself, and there is the other part of me that thinks in public affirmation I could grow stronger friendships and uncover more about who I am. But as of this moment I am in a stalemate. I stand in the midst of numerous possible paths unsure of which to take and seek guidance from the only people I know I can reach out to. In the process perhaps this article will help others confront similar if not identical fears.

First of all, is there any reason why your family or friends need to know that you're Otherkin? Does it really have any practical bearing on your relationships with them at all? I can't really think of a single good reason why I should tell my Mom about it. Or people I meet in passing, or people I work with. My husband knows because he walks past my computer and sees what I'm typing about all the time. He likes to make fun of my quirks too, not in a bad way, he just thinks its cute. Is there a need for them to know or not?

It's not the same as being homosexual. Certain people do need to know, like those you want to date, or your family when you start bringing those dates home with you, but people you work with or casual acquaintances might not have any need to think about it.

The big trick has nothing to do with how they think of you. It's how you think of yourself. If you're more accepting of yourself, then it's easier for them to accept it too. You're more likely to shrug and say "yeah I know, it's weird," rather than getting all defensive about it. It's easier for them to be comfortable with it if you're comfortable with it first.

Yes, my Mom does know that I'm mentally androgynous. She was like, "this is news?" She hasn't given up trying to get me to buy all my clothes in the women's department though. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s -->

If you fear discussing being other with friends and family, then don't discuss it with friends and family. Fear is an emotion meant to keep you out of trouble and alive -- not all of it is stemmed in ignorance or should be cast aside.

I, too, used to have this fear, and the one person it seemed "ok" with just so happened to be a vampire himself and has helped me numerous times. That was a person-specific feeling, though. Now, since I no longer see a reason for others to know, I have no fear whatsoever that people will find out or what will happen if they do -- who would believe it? Nobody would believe it unless they're open about that kind of thing, in which case they most likely would take it much more seriously and with more understanding than the others. The opposition has no real offense for me to worry about, no pieces with which to checkmate me.

Hmmm... I think the main reason you are afraid to talk about it in the open is :

You don't know how they will react.

I mean, there's not really a surefire way for you to prove it to them, so changing their mind once they have it set is pretty much impossible.

But... something struck me as interesting in your "possibilities"...

"Do I fear admitting my Otherness because I myself do not truly believe in it..?"

Perhaps I am just spoiled with information, but I don't believe I have ever considered this a true reason for fear of public exposure for me. *Specific* otherkin, yes, (I was afraid to call myself something on the basis it might turn out I am not that thing), but not the entire otherkin possibility. If this is still coming up as a question, you should probably do some more soul searching until it does not. You can't really feel comfortable telling people what you are if you're not even certain of yourself.

Marrik Wrote:But... something struck me as interesting in your "possibilities"...

"Do I fear admitting my Otherness because I myself do not truly believe in it..?"

Perhaps I am just spoiled with information, but I don't believe I have ever considered this a true reason for fear of public exposure for me. *Specific* otherkin, yes, (I was afraid to call myself something on the basis it might turn out I am not that thing), but not the entire otherkin possibility. If this is still coming up as a question, you should probably do some more soul searching until it does not. You can't really feel comfortable telling people what you are if you're not even certain of yourself.

I know with certainty I have the sense of being something other than human. It is an experience, a sensation, that has stayed with me, but sometimes the inability to support a feeling with documentable evidence is frustrating and because of that there are times when I question the source of such feelings. I am not good with feelings, so trying to integrate a part of me that is based on instinct, experience, and feeling is proving a difficult task. I can take greater comfort of mind in psychology and logic which I find time and time again to have limitations in examining something such as being Other. But you have a valid point, I can't feel comfortable telling people when I am not even certain myself. I am just unsure how to find certainty amidst feeling and experience.

Nameless Wrote:I know with certainty I have the sense of being something other than human. It is an experience, a sensation, that has stayed with me, but sometimes the inability to support a feeling with documentable evidence is frustrating and because of that there are times when I question the source of such feelings. I am not good with feelings, so trying to integrate a part of me that is based on instinct, experience, and feeling is proving a difficult task. I can take greater comfort of mind in psychology and logic which I find time and time again to have limitations in examining something such as being Other. But you have a valid point, I can't feel comfortable telling people when I am not even certain myself. I am just unsure how to find certainty amidst feeling and experience.

Yes, of course, all of this is completely reasonable and perhaps even preferred to the other possibilities -- logic is the end-all, is it not? Unfortunately, though, logic is nonetheless based off of perceptions, things which can be falsified, can actually be untrue.

A good example is the fact that I am currently in a human body. There are many reasons as to why this is true, but it is also entirely possible these reasons which form the basis of this thought are *not* true (though it is quite a bit unlikely). To make an elaborate scheme of things, I could very well simply be fed my senses through a predetermined series of events which would create the illusion that I am human. This is possible if only because it is impossible to prove it incorrect -- if you were having your senses predetermined, then you cannot use your senses as a means to prove that your senses are being falsified, which leaves you with essentially nil resources to prove it false.

If you apply the same concept to otherkin-ness, then you can see what I am trying to achieve here. Sure, there's always that far-off possibility that you are *not* an otherkin, that all of your senses are lying to you or are not what you believe them to be, but you'll just find yourself endless work if you follow this train of logic. If your senses tell you that you are an otherkin, then you are an otherkin. Logic and reasoning will help you determine the specifics, but you'll need some form of assumed truth to build anything off of or you'll work in an endless cycle. Without an assumed truth (which is contrary to the feel of logic, I know) as a base, you typically won't go far. Some faith (even a small amount) works very well with logic.

~~~

That aside, I do wish you the best of luck with this, even though I don't have much advice to offer except for the above, which is basically me saying that logic won't save you all the time, especially in such circumstances. Apologies for that. =P