Failure to energize?
After a long period of inactivity in anything spiritual, I've recently begun to work with energy again, and I've found that I'm running into the same problems with working with my own energy, the most significant of which is I can't identify it? I think this may tie in with some of the previous things I've mentioned, merely another facet of it. I'm also getting mixed messages as to it's nature, and to that end I have difficulty manipulating it in any useful way(even shielding). Has anyone had this type of problem before?
The second part of this problem is, I was for a while operating under a certain assumption, that my energy had a darker tone to it(possible shadow energy) but in somewhat of a counter-intuitive way, when I try to relax and raise energy(as one might do during chakra work or etheric projection), it seems almost as if this rising sensation coincides with a "brightening" sensation? Which seems strange to me because I'm not very fond of light at all, save for maybe a desklamp or a glowstick.. and last night when I recognized this, I was hesitant to continue because seemed so unnatural that my energy would have this property. Am I merely misconstruing the rising of activity(frequency) of my subtle body or is there something else I'm missing? Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.
“A considerable percentage of the people we meet on the street are people who are empty inside, that is, they are actually already dead. It is fortunate for us that we do not see and do not know it.”
- G.I. Gurdjieff