Alrighty, so this is the story that I mentioned about in my introductory post, going into far more detail. I'll try to get everything out as clearly as I can make it, but there's quite a few muddled spots that I can't remember at all, or certain aspects.
So, this tale begins well back to before I knew of anything about otherkin, therians, the fur fandom, anything like that. I was 12 at the time that things started to happen, and this..well, its weird for me to say this in front of people I don't know, but, to get everything down at once might make more sense than trying to fill in blanks later. At this time, before any dreams started happening, and to cut a longer story short, my grandfather and I were close to one another, spending days at a time with him, all that sappy stuff. He was so full of life, and then a stroke hit him, put him right in the hospital, and he told me when I was alone in the room that all he wanted to do was..well, die. That night, being...well, forced into religion, I made a prayer for him that if he wished to die, well, he had my permission. I remember just when I made it too. 11:16PM nearly 15 minutes after they had made their last rounds around. We got a phone call that night yet, roughly 2:10AM, and they said he had been dead for..well, nearly that amount of time, and he had passed in his sleep. I was hit...very hard with this, and was inconsolable for a few weeks after that. At the end of it though, something...well, its been 14 years ago, but I know I felt something hit. Something opened up, and this is when these dreams started to hit me. Every year they came around the same time, and each time was different in itself, but it was a series of 9. I'll go into as much depth as I can with these that I can.
The first dream hit and I remember distinctly that I was there in spirit, no body, but before me was a muddled image of a silver dragon before me. The image was blurred, distorted even, as if he had a fog around himself blocking from my sight, and he started to speak to me regarding the duty that was awaiting me, and the preparations, and I assumed for some sort of ritual, or bonding? I can't tell, even to this day, but I wasn't allowed close enough to him to make any sorts of real references to him at that time, and the dream ended with him disappearing into a wisp of blue, flying off into the night sky, saying to be prepared mentally for our next meeting. After I woke up from the dream the next morning, everything just...disappeared. All doubt, worries, fears, everything vanished for a few weeks after that. I felt invincible really, though I knew I wasn't. It faded with time, but that feeling never left me after each and every dream afterwards.
The next came right on time the following year, and in the week preceding the anniversary of my grandfather's death, that same depression hit like it did the last year, but right on that day, another dream happened. This one was again, out of body, soaring alongside the dragon as he showed me more or less what he did. To me, and what he was telling me, he helped those spirits lost of the deceased find their way to their final resting places, to make sure no soul was left to roam the earth freely. Out of all the places we ended up visiting, a few felt like severe deja vu the next day, those places being over the canals of Venice, and some nondescript place on the eastern seafront near Maine. The dream ended up with us landing....well now that I think of it, near where I'm living currently in Florida. Like the year prior, those same feelings came back, and again, I felt invincible for several days afterwards, and had a slightly more accurate picture of the dragon in my head.
The third year started off quite a bit differently though, as the entire week prior to the anniversary, I was depressed, yes, but at the same time, I literally had no balance. Every time I'd stand up, I'd fall facefirst into the floor, like I was getting yanked down. Ended up having to walk around on all fours to get around the house and anywhere I needed to go. When the dream struck, this was a turning point, as he showed me just how he was ushering the souls to their resting grounds. His wings seemed transparent on the underside, almost like wisps like what he had turned into before on the first dream. A swirling blue hue, and as I peered through it, the world changed behind it, depicting a rather dark, desolate area, twisted and deformed, but with hundreds, thousands of souls roaming freely beyond it. I had meant to ask just what was going on with it, but never in any of these dreams could I talk. I could only think what I wanted to ask, and the dragon responded to it every time, but as time went on, his voice kept getting more familiar, like it was my own. Heavier and baritone, of course, but still resembling closely to how I would talk. He would scoop the soul in under his wings, trap them against his chest, and with a strong flash of blue light, the spirit would be gone, joined in that separate realm with everything else. Granted, some looked more dangerous than others, but regardless, the job was done. With the rising sun of the next day, everything felt different again. Yes that sense of strength was there, but I could walk again on my own, and this is where I started to get a bit worried. I had heard of the phantom limb syndrome before, but this had taken it to a far new level of realism. My balance was accompanied by what I could have sworn was a tail behind me, and even though I knew it wasn't there, it felt right. In place. And even as I walked outside, the blades of grass tickled along it, and even thumped against a few trees that I wandered too close near. Every little wisp of wind striking it would send a pleasant chill up my spine, and even when I was excited, by the end of the week, I was afraid I was going to knock over something behind me without knowing it.
The fourth started off radically different this time, and with this, the dragon had allowed me to become part of him, and he taught me how to fly and control his abilities and even had me practice on a few souls that had wandered my way. Though he was still there in my head, I was now -part- of him, from what I could see. At the end he spoke to me rather strongly, saying that...and granted, my memory is a bit fuzzy about this, but something related to the terms of "You are remembering the old ways well. Soon you will be ready for the initiation." And though it was short, it still made me anxious for the next year to come.
The following year was...well, the week beforehand, depression hit rather sharply, and it was quite hard to take myself out of it, and I begged for that dream to come early, but it didn't. This time, however, it did come, but not anything like what happened before. When it started, I was the dragon that I had seen before, just slightly more in focus now, so I could start making out his structure and such like that, but that rapidly changed, and the dragon warned me in my head as he spoke out. "You are letting your emotions run too wild, now you will learn what happens when we become too..." and I forget what wording he used after that, but something else awakened within me, something very dark, very...well, demented. This dragon was crystal clear in my eyes, and though it felt like him doing these unspeakable acts of violence towards these souls that had been peaceful before us, I knew deep down that it was myself acting on my own accord, letting things happen more and more, and...well, those details I don't think are terribly important, so I won't go into them. But when I awoke, that feeling of strength and power was there, but in a darker tone, like the world had been shaded off so that only negativity shone through.
The sixth year was much the same as the last, that strong sense of dread and depression beforehand, and again followed with this, what I called, demon dragon plaguing my dreams and further...well, corrupting me, as I came to consider it. The dragon warned me at the end of this one, then snapped me awake, leaving the trailing words of "Stronger. Be stronger next time, and this will fade. It is part of you, but not without its control." And with that, I woke the next day, feeling much the same as I had before. Depressed and down, but with that stronger sense of character, of being, more knowledgeable about myself, or at least, an aspect of me.
The seventh and eighth years are unfortunately really sketchy at best in my mind, and thus have to unfortunately skip those.
The ninth year, the dragon had pulled me out of that body, and I had been there in that demonic looking aspect of what I had become in the other two dreams, but fully in control, seeming sated at the time. We were hovering, flying over...from the pictures in my head, I gathered it was Daytona Beach? and speaking to one another, his image seemed clearer, but still sketchy to make me second guess myself. The dragon spoke and said "Your time has nearly arrived. Your initiation will begin the next time we meet." And with that, he touched me, and it felt like lightning itself had struck through my body, supercharging it as he seemed to fuse with me, and all those strengths and abilities he had were second nature in my mind. Everything felt..whole for a moment, brief images of a place that I know had never been to, seemed to strike in my mind and awaken more deja vu moments as now I regularly have them. Its almost..maybe twice a day now or so that the moments just hit, and it flashes back to the dragon in my dreams, and the more I think about it, the stronger my headaches are getting.
Not knowing what to do at this point, since..well, I had just found the fur fandom a few years prior to this, I tried seeking out a stronger word in having them help me out in what was going on, to give me some insight on what this initiation could possibly be, and what I needed to prepare for it...and ultimately convince myself that I wasn't going crazy. After speaking with him regarding this, he...well, basically crushed all my feelings that I had towards it, and said some rather hateful, nasty things and thus wouldn't speak to me any longer. He was a very strongly known otherkin, and I thought that perhaps my venture was done and overwith right there since past that point no more dreams were coming back, and those feelings of strength and power had faded with it. Though I've created the dragon from my images with the help of artists, I still felt....wrong with it, like I was still missing things, and no matter what I changed, it didn't seem right.
Then, fast forward until now, I had left the search cold, but there were more things going on in my life that I couldn't explain. The Deja vu was still there, but there were other things happening. It was tremendously rare, but there were a few moments of pure clairvoyance that I couldn't control, and before it even happened, I seemed to black out right as they were happening. The latest being a recent driving adventure down the interstate, and I had been mildly following a car in the other lane that seemed to be swerving quite a bit. Things just seemed to be going along normally, and then...well, darkness, and when I came to again, I was over the shoulder, panting, and looking back in the rearview mirror. Though I had no idea what happened, I had apparently made it out of a...what i counted, 5 car wreck unscathed. Yes, I even walked around the car to make sure of it. Shaken up? Immensely. Highly confused? Absolutely. I could never explain it, but that's how it went.
Recently, I've been seeking out the aid of another otherkin friend of mine, and with hir knowing me for quite a bit longer than just the meeting with the other, shi had far more helpful insight on what could be happening. Though, most of it is still on me to figure out what is going on. Shi suggested meditation, of which worked briefly for the first night, of which I'll explain here in a short bit what I saw there, but other than that, my mind has been almost hyperactive for several years, that I can remember. Its truly hard for me to sit down and concentrate on something without many multiple flashes of completely unrelated things popping up into my head, distracting me further still. Its become quite a nuisance, but I know I need to find a method to really lay myself down and really flesh things out.
I mean I know this is probably sounding really crazy, but again, this has what's happened to me, and its been on my mind on and off since it happened. And though I have a migraine that is pounding in my head so badly, I want to bash my head against the wall, I'll try to finish out on a strong note. With the suggestions from the otherkin, I had mild success in meditating one night, if only briefly.
The image that I got from the brief meditation was the flashing of a draconic head and neck, a bit different than what I had originally pictured the silver dragon to be, and this one happened to be crimson scaled, not silver. He had a rather strong profiled head, strong and regal, much like the silver did, but in that brief flash that I saw him, it just seemed to hit that there was something more to it, it hit my mind sharply, and though he looked rather...cruel, it was more of a closer representation to what the demon dragon had himself, but still different yet.
If you've gone through this all, I'm rather glad you took the time to read this, and anything. -Anything- at all that you can help suggest, or offer for aid is more than appreciated. It's been hitting me for years, and finally, I'm restarting on this hunt for the truth, if there is anything there to be found. The thrill of the chase is back, and wherever it takes it...well, it takes me.
I do realize I'm posting this up in front of...well, others I don't know anything about, but I know that everyone on here is more knowledgeable about this than I, and though I'm rather shy, this is my first... well, only public speaking about this. Anything that can be said, if I'm nuts, crazy, whatever, I'm hoping that there is something more there.
Thank you in advance for reading this over, and any comments that may be given!