Hello John! (Or would you like me to call you Gathorel?)
I can heavily sympathize with being non-neurotypical...I'm not sure at what depth I'd be willing to discuss this openly because of the obvious issues around stigma, but know that you're not alone. Have you tried volunteering in order to keep yourself from ruminating on things too much? I used to have major issues with overthinking things, and lack of motivation. Having some structure in there, like from some form of work (paid or not) can help, because it takes your mind off of other things. It can also be a motivator to start the day, if you know others are depending on your help. Plus, volunteering, since you don't get paid for it, might not affect the status of your disability income, though that probably differs depending on where you live. And if you want to get a paying job down the line, it's good work experience to put on a resume!
I can also sympathize with the kind of "wildcard" factor that spirituality throws into the mix when we're talking about mental functioning. It's something I've been dealing with, too.
If it wouldn't be too intrusive (and if it is, you don't have to mind me), I'm wondering if there are some factors you would like us to take into consideration for communications with you while you're here, like ways your mind works that are different from others (or common mistakes people make when talking to you), which you've found contribute to unintentional miscommunication? I'm wondering how we might understand or approach you so as to avoid unintentional miscommunication; or if you would like us not to worry about this and approach you like we would anyone whose condition was unknown?
I ask because I know my own mind well, and it sounds like you know yours well, too. Not having anything to do but analyze one's own thoughts and the material obtained online and through books and writing (like the way I was for years) means that sometimes we know ourselves to a depth that others never have to plumb, and there's a wealth of self-knowledge there that can be useful. For instance, with me, I have a lot of quirks...people who really know me, know these. Online, I often feel the need to eventually say things like, "sometimes I can't tell if something's true or not until I say it or write it, and then see how it feels." Without that bit of information, it can just look like I'm really unstable because I'm voicing different viewpoints on the same situation all the time. <!-- s

--><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s

--> It doesn't get across the spiritual angle of what I'm going through, but it does clarify my process to people who otherwise might not know what was going on.
I also see you're Satanist! <!-- s

--><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s

--> I was involved in some forums back when I was in college that were related to the online Satanist community...I got out of the online scene there because there was too much conflict. I was also getting, in addition to anxiety, some symptoms (technically scent-based hallucinations) which were kind of disturbing. It wasn't until my energetic path started crossing with that of Dark Angels and some Demons that I chose to give myself a break, though. Isn't it interesting to be a demonkin who is also Satanist? <!-- s

--><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s

--> At this point, I'm looking around at some different religions, primarily East Asian ones, but I do still have warm memories of the time when I was involved with my personal "Satan" (whose true identity, I still don't know). (EDIT: I forgot to mention that up until recently, I've identified as demonkin; I am still mulling over that, though.)
Anyhow, that's probably enough from me for now! <!-- s

--><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s

--> Welcome to the forum!