Demonkin saying hello

Hello, all. My name is John and I just signed up on this site. I'm also a member on Otherkincommunity.net so some of you may recognise me from there as Azubah. Why I picked a different username here, I have no idea! Anyways, moving on to the actual presentation.

So who am I? I have no idea. My personality tends to be shifting. I live on disability, unable to work and can only study in very slow pace in the right circumstances, of which I haven't yet found since I graduated junior high. So I sort of dropped out of high school and haven't been able to do much ever since. That was eight years ago... so here I am, doing nothing all days long and driving myself insane. Well, nature kind of did that on it's own, and that's why I'm on disability. My diagnoses are Asperger and Borderline, but my doctors don't know the whole truth. I also struggle with chronic tension headache that has been with me for the past eight years, and a hearing imparement I was born with.

I've always known I'm not really human. I was born with one foot still in my past life, as use to say. My parents and other adults had to literally shake me to get it into my head that I am now human and this is my life. It hurt me bad to realise such a thing, that I had been torn from my real home and dragged into this world. Life here has been difficult, but I held on to my memories from my past life, got really wonderful friends and an understanding family.

Then I stumbled upon this term called Otherkin a few years ago, and well, it was kind of obvious there is where I belong! It took some time before I could figure out my kintype, what sort being I actually am at heart and soul. Cause when I say I'm not human, I don't mean that in the literally sense, my body is still human, I just don't identify with my body. My soul and essence is demon, therefor I'm demon.

Feel free to ask questions!

Welcome <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> Do you identify as any particular variety of demon? What do you consider a demon to be?

Hello John! (Or would you like me to call you Gathorel?)

I can heavily sympathize with being non-neurotypical...I'm not sure at what depth I'd be willing to discuss this openly because of the obvious issues around stigma, but know that you're not alone. Have you tried volunteering in order to keep yourself from ruminating on things too much? I used to have major issues with overthinking things, and lack of motivation. Having some structure in there, like from some form of work (paid or not) can help, because it takes your mind off of other things. It can also be a motivator to start the day, if you know others are depending on your help. Plus, volunteering, since you don't get paid for it, might not affect the status of your disability income, though that probably differs depending on where you live. And if you want to get a paying job down the line, it's good work experience to put on a resume!

I can also sympathize with the kind of "wildcard" factor that spirituality throws into the mix when we're talking about mental functioning. It's something I've been dealing with, too.

If it wouldn't be too intrusive (and if it is, you don't have to mind me), I'm wondering if there are some factors you would like us to take into consideration for communications with you while you're here, like ways your mind works that are different from others (or common mistakes people make when talking to you), which you've found contribute to unintentional miscommunication? I'm wondering how we might understand or approach you so as to avoid unintentional miscommunication; or if you would like us not to worry about this and approach you like we would anyone whose condition was unknown?

I ask because I know my own mind well, and it sounds like you know yours well, too. Not having anything to do but analyze one's own thoughts and the material obtained online and through books and writing (like the way I was for years) means that sometimes we know ourselves to a depth that others never have to plumb, and there's a wealth of self-knowledge there that can be useful. For instance, with me, I have a lot of quirks...people who really know me, know these. Online, I often feel the need to eventually say things like, "sometimes I can't tell if something's true or not until I say it or write it, and then see how it feels." Without that bit of information, it can just look like I'm really unstable because I'm voicing different viewpoints on the same situation all the time. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s --> It doesn't get across the spiritual angle of what I'm going through, but it does clarify my process to people who otherwise might not know what was going on.

I also see you're Satanist! <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> I was involved in some forums back when I was in college that were related to the online Satanist community...I got out of the online scene there because there was too much conflict. I was also getting, in addition to anxiety, some symptoms (technically scent-based hallucinations) which were kind of disturbing. It wasn't until my energetic path started crossing with that of Dark Angels and some Demons that I chose to give myself a break, though. Isn't it interesting to be a demonkin who is also Satanist? <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s --> At this point, I'm looking around at some different religions, primarily East Asian ones, but I do still have warm memories of the time when I was involved with my personal "Satan" (whose true identity, I still don't know). (EDIT: I forgot to mention that up until recently, I've identified as demonkin; I am still mulling over that, though.)

Anyhow, that's probably enough from me for now! <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s --> Welcome to the forum!

First off, I apology for not being around lately and the delayed answer.

Seraphyna: Thank you for the welcome <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s --> Demons are hard to summarise, because of their chaotic nature. They change a lot. But I believe they are dark, calm, might draw back from society but can also be social and outgoing, tend to not be so lucky in life. That they are curious, temperamental, proud... basically everything I've read about demonkin, true or not, seem to in some way describe me.

Chordal: Thank you for your concern and willingness to help and support me! But I can assure you, I handle things pretty well online. It's easier when I can take the time to read and answer without the pressure, unlike IRL when I don't do so well with keeping up with others. I merely wished to inform this forum, that's what I do, always revealing everything about myself that is worth revealing. I don't have that many secrets and I feel okay discussing almost everything about me, but sometimes I just can't find the words or a fitting description.

I so agree with you that analysing one's own mind a lot helps you understand yourself and also accepting who you are. It's been very helpful to me, but I sometimes get a little lost in that labyrinth of a brain. I too like to keep an open mind to a lot of different view points, just to try and see things objectively and thus find my weak spots and enhance them to something stronger. And to learn more, cause everything can be quite complicated if you dig deep enough. That's what I find so fascinating about it! Yeah I know it might seem like I'm a bit unstable too, sometimes I think that the more I find out about something, the less I know about it. It's hard to describe that feeling, but it gives perspective.

Yes, I've just recently become a Satanist! It's kind of fascinating being such and a demonkin, the two almost kinda go together. Well, in my case at least, I know there are a lot of different demons and demonkin, most of whom might not identify as Satanism/Christian/Judean/Islam and such demons. East Asian religions I also find very interesting, I was sniffing in Taoism for a while before I decided to go for Satanism. Also been interested in Hinduism and Buddhism for various reasons. A lot of what I believe in fits those religions.

Thank you! <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s -->