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Chordal's reintroduction
Chordal
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Post: #1
Chordal's reintroduction
Hi there!

If anyone wants to read my old introduction from 2010 and compare where and to what degree my evolutions have been, it's here:

<!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://forum.otherkinphenomena.org/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=1837">viewtopic.php?f=24&t=1837</a><!-- l -->

I can't really tell very clearly to what extent my ideas have changed and how much they were in constant flux to begin with. But I can try and get across some of what's happening. I'd rather hold back on the specific "what is my kintype," issue, at least for the beginning of this message...but I will say that I now believe that a lot of what is happening in that arena is linked with psychic sensitivity. So basically, I have a lot of "beings" around me, not all of which are sourced from within my own psyche, who may at times influence me. However, this seems to have been happening less, very recently -- or, I've been noticing it less.

So, I can see some fresh faces here, which is awesome. As I mentioned in someone else's intro, I will likely be checking back here more often. I was contributing to a different forum before I realized that I was a person on the Far Left in the middle of a board of Centrists and Conservatives. I've stopped contributing there at this time, though that's really left me without a grounded "home" online.

Genderwise -- I've realized that just because I have gone through the process of questioning my gender, this doesn't mean that I necessarily *have to be* trans*gender. I do still identify as genderqueer, though recently in addition to the term "Gender Fluid," I've begun defining myself as "Variable." There's a story behind this; the short of which is that I realized that in the state I'm in now, at least, belonging to groups which are only open to someone with a stable acceptable identity are probably groups I'd want to avoid. So I've kind of been growing into the identity of being someone whose identity is constantly changing, basically. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

Would I still identify as plural? In the absence of verification of my own possible psychic/intuitive abilities, I think I'd have to. However, not all of the identities I experience are housed within *me* or within my body. That is, I'm not sure that "plural" really encompasses the extent to which I tend to be receptive to outside spiritual influences. In short, I don't think it's something my brain is generating, or even necessarily that it's fully just the way my brain operates -- splitting itself off, I mean. I'm basically like a radio, picking up on ambient energy. It can make it difficult to focus on real-world life, but that's my own struggle.

That said, I have a belief that the Divine is Unitary and both Immanent and Transcendent, making me a Panentheist and leading to the hypothesis that the entirety of myself and my world is inhabited by the Divine -- and any being I may run into external to myself is possible to derive from within myself, given the right set of keys (ideas, experiences, biology). However, missing those keys, or overusing the same keys, I have a much more limited pool of experience which tells me who it is possible for "I" to be. So for instance, it is possible for me to speak from the position of my personal healer-identity, but if I hold too close to my own life history, it is not possible for me to experience his ability as my own, as his placement in my psyche is seen as both out-of-time and out-of-place, as well as out-of-narrative. Thus, he is "other" than "I." To experience myself as him fully, I need to release my own narrative and somehow either let him tell me his (if he can) to gain an understanding of his history, or otherwise, accept things the way they are without explanation. I'd have to be able to accept the psychic shift that will happen if I begin to know him intimately -- that is, his history and his mind. And that, for me, has been way out in left field, at least until this explanation just arose.

I still haven't been back to fiction writing; having that given, however...possibly because of my political orientation, it can be difficult to think of putting my name out there on a text that could potentially psychologically harm someone. So I had a strange dream today about...sexualization and objectification, specifically relating to the status of women (over time) and I know that it could draw no end of hell for me if I actually put it out there as it is. Because there are issues of the intersectionality of oppressions; race and gender and sexuality issues, as well as the relationship (and "species"/job status) of the characters in question. It was another of those healer/destroyer dreams. For some reason, those two come up in my thoughts most often...and it is not really the easiest thing to have a politically problematic character in your mind. At least, not when you can see where he's coming from.

Aside from this, I'm thinking of the problem of *wu wei* (action in inaction; "going with the flow") when faced with the possibility of the construction or maintenance of identity. It might be said that identity is a bolster against the great unknown, though the unknown is really the ultimate state of being and shouldn't be feared.

But anyway, that's an aside! <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> I have been thinking of posting a fiction series online, but I'll have to see what I can do to start up writing fiction again, first. I have a lot of ideas, but there's still a lot of inertia for me, having not written in fiction for a very long time (a couple of ill-fated RPGs notwithstanding).

So far as anything else...at the behest of some of my spirits, I've been attempting to explore Taoism and Chinese energy work, which leads back into really old Chinese culture. I don't know what will come of it, but I have had good luck so far.

And as things stand now, I should get some rest...I'm trying to get my sleep times back on track from Spring Break. I hope to see you around!
2014-05-03 5:12
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Lindiel
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Post: #2
Re: Chordal's reintroduction
Welcome back to these forums! I definitely look forward to seeing you around.
2014-05-03 9:31
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Seraphyna
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Post: #3
Re: Chordal's reintroduction
Good to see you back <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

[Image: seraphyna11_zps47e1e313.png]
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost."-Tolkien
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."-Poe
2014-05-03 20:07
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Post: #4
Re: Chordal's reintroduction
Welcome back!

~ Arawn

Members: Gabriel, Lestat, Nico, Fenrir, and Nathaniel.
2014-05-04 0:52
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Post: #5
Re: Chordal's reintroduction
Hi! <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->

Thanks, all. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->
2014-05-04 4:54
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Post: #6
Re: Chordal's reintroduction
Welcome back!

[Image: sGaXcqG.png]
Banner by me. If you want one too, see here.

"You're the best kind of crazy." -Murphy, The Dresden Files
2014-05-05 15:18
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Chordal
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Post: #7
Re: Chordal's reintroduction
Thanks, Eli! <3 <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
2014-05-05 20:00
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