Childish fantasy or the real thing?

Well, as many of you would figure, I'm a new member. A few of you might recognize me from the Introduction of when I pointed out that I planned to be a simple lurker to read and ponder on various stories and posts of others, simply because it all fascinated me. But as I read, I also began to wonder if my fascination was just my love of learning new, wonderous things, or if it meant something more? Could it be that I was drawn to this by a subconsial standard for a more specific reason than just because its amazing in my eyes? I know none of you can answer this for me, only I can, but I felt like sharing so I decided to put this here...

I always had traits that were somewhat different, yet not quite noticable, for example; I looked up tips on meditation and tried it a familiar and relaxing place in my home, with a candle in front of me for something to help calm and focus myself. By the time I finished, I ended up having the candle directly in front of me, with my hands cupped around it, not too close so that I'd feel a burn, but close enough to feel its warmth. The fire had mesmerized me, but I hadn't gotten much else out of it-not that I expected it too, it was only the first of many meditations I'll be working on.

Another trait I noticed was that I often had my arm up next to my stomach and chest as some sort of habit, like I was holding it there as if it was meant to be in that position. I also prefer going on my hands and knee's, and sitting up with my arms up, almost in a humorous Dog-begging position, though it seemed more like just sitting to me... Plus I often prefered to curl my fingers in, rather than keeping them outstretched.

These traits have been around in me as far back as I could remember, even when I was a toddler, I enjoyed going on my hands and knee's with my fingers curled to immitate wolf/dog paws.

I apologize if I sound rediculous or confusing, but I was curious and hopeful for anything, like perhaps someone else had habits similar to mine...

-Ronnie

You could have been drawn here subconsciously or you could simply have heard the term Otherkin and wanted to learn more about it. I'd tend towards the later, as the former would mean that you already had the idea that you may be something "other than human" and went looking for answers. Since this doesn't seem to be the case with you, I'm inclined to say that you came here because you heard the term somewhere and wanted more information about it. Either way, you're here now and that's cool. <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s -->

At this point, to me at least, what you've described doesn't ring any Otherkin bells. However, that doesn't mean you're not 'kin. Do you feel as if you might be something "other than human"? Most people report feeling "different" from their peers, but this doesn't automatically equal Otherkin. Try to take an objective view and see if your habits are human in nature or if they seem like something else. Many Otherkin also report the sensation of phantom limbs (limbs from your "other" form that manifest as energy/sensations around your physical body (phantom horns if you identify as a dragon, etc.)). Have you ever experienced this? Again, not experiencing it doesn't mean you're not 'kin, just keep that in mind.

I would suggest that you try and meditate more for answers because as you said, no one can tell you what you are. Also, some people try on different labels to see if anything "feels right". Why I don't necessarily recommend this as it could lead to wishful thinking, it has worked for others. Good luck in your search for answers!

I suppose the term just had a draw to me, whether I am kin or not. All the more, I suppose it doesn't quite matter since I'm already here. xD

As for differences... I find myself rather careless in everything. School, games, conversations, politics, even in a face of something big like death or loss, I can't really care all too much and whenever I do, its always fake or forced-again I noticed this even from childhood. I'm not sure if that qualifies...
I also find that I hate to picture myself as a human, not becuase I dislike how I look-again, I don't care-but because I feel like I prefer to be something else. As for phantom limbs... I'm not quite sure, the most I've ever experienced is a slight sense of a tail, often imagining the feel of it rather easily. But none other than that.

I'll meditate on this... I believe the answer of myself being human or something more will come, someday at the least. Thank you for your consideration and suggestions.

i was told this was helpful... <!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://forum.otherkinphenomena.org/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=64">viewtopic.php?f=27&t=64</a><!-- l --> <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s -->

It did help... I'm now convinced I'm an otherkin or something of the sort, I always picture myself in 3rd person as the article says, and I do have this compulsion to just want to be able to run away somehow, almost all the time. Usually when people ask me questions I don't like to hear. In fact, I really hate the idea of inviting someone over... I've been trying meditation a few times, and noticed at one point I always get a faint picture of an animal or something. I ignored it, thinking it was just nothing, but I kept getting it each time... Heh, fascinating stuff, no? xP

Ronniekane Wrote:Usually when people ask me questions I don't like to hear.

I hope that's not a big problem for ya or you might not last very long in any place <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s -->

Freetha Wrote:

Ronniekane Wrote:Usually when people ask me questions I don't like to hear.

I hope that's not a big problem for ya or you might not last very long in any place <!-- s --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s -->

Lol, nah, its not that big of a problem. Perhaps I was being a bit hasty typing it, I was meaning that I disliked questions, but I can answer them. I just wish I didn't have to sometimes. xP

Sometimes if you see an animal in meditation it's a spirit guide, not necessarily what kind of animal you are. You can have a guide who is the same as you, but it doesn't always end up that way. Don't rush it. Take your time. Hang around as long as you like.

Motley Wrote:Sometimes if you see an animal in meditation it's a spirit guide, not necessarily what kind of animal you are. You can have a guide who is the same as you, but it doesn't always end up that way. Don't rush it. Take your time. Hang around as long as you like.

Thanks for the advice, I didn't really realize it. I'll keep meditating at it, who knows what I could get. xD