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Chaos and health
Chordal
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Post: #1
Chaos and health
I mentioned something in a recent post about wanting to get my system in order enough so that I don't have to worry so much about cancer, given that I've seen a lot of people (within the same professional field) die of it. Within a short amount of time.

The specifics of that...get really difficult to talk about, especially given the subject matter of the field (feminism/women's studies). Essentially what it boils down to, though, is that when one is strongly and passionately involved in politics, it will stress one out, and -- anecdotally, at least -- one seems more likely to develop cancer. I take it that this is because of stress leading to immunosuppression which allows the cancer cluster to grow.

Given the time I spent in activism as a youth -- and given my time spent in groups aimed at people of the "extremely misunderstood" kind (there are more than one of these), I can kind of see what's going on here...because one is constantly encountering and seeking out knowledge of those who don't understand and who dislike one, usually for some ideological reason that isn't based in reality. Or they're seeking you out, trying to shut you down. And/or, you're highly invested in building an oppositional identity, to the point that your own personal growth halts and you start about being the opposite of whatever you're opposed to, without taking into account the fact that you're both human and are both using the same wetware and living in the same culture.

So...one thing I know is that constant battles are not good for the health. My question is a bit hesitant here, because I don't really want to get shouted down. But the question is whether "disordered" or "chaotic" energy in and of itself will trend towards a higher risk of cancer, given that it seems that health of living beings is based on a precarious equilibrium between change and stability...and cancer results from random mutations which are not destroyed.

The major reason I got out of the social sciences and out of politics is that I could feel the effect it was having on me, and I knew that if I continued to do what I was doing then, I wouldn't like the person it would have made me. This...also, though, occurred when my own mental health was declining, from a series of factors. To be honest, though, it did feel like the difficulties I was dealing with were spiritual in nature -- that I needed to get away from the anger and hate. As to the essential nature of depression or psychosis, however...I still do not know. I do know that without help, they are overpowering and debilitating. I also know that at least a strong component of it is chemical. But how chemicals can effect the state and nature of one's mind so strongly, I don't know.

I suppose this is also part of the mind/body connection that I was getting at with the question of whether having disordered or chaotic energy would increase one's risk of cancer. Perhaps it depends on *how* one's energy would be ordered, or disordered. It could just be that internal discord and disharmony, and/or upset at such, is a greater cause of immunosuppression and thus, cancer, than just...having random thoughts. That is, harmonically chaotic energy may not be...that harmful?

It took me several years to be able to recover to the point that I was able to not have to deal with intrusive thoughts on a daily basis. But again...the question may be how to tell when something just occurs to one because one's neurons are firing indiscriminately and resulting in nonsensical (or "chaotic") output, as versus an explanation which says one is picking up on the suggestion of unwanted incorporeals. Which, I know, sounds crazy. The alternative is that for some reason, the brain picks up on "what would be the worst thing that could happen right now" and decides on that subject to think about. Which I wouldn't put beyond my brain, I've expected as much of it before (and it has delivered). <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

It's just that when we start thinking about possibilities not acknowledged by the current state of science (and that lack of acknowledgment is possibly beneficent, mind) -- in particular when I start thinking about the possibility of picking up on shed energy fragments or echoes (which would account for the random unwanted thoughts), it becomes apparent that there are more ways to understand the current state of affairs than widely acknowledged. If there are more ways to understand it, maybe there are more ways to combat it.

When you have thoughts like this running through your mind ("like this" meaning anything that could happen if there were no regard to social norms), you realize how precarious is the state of social harmony. For essentially no reason, I have a fear of doing really, really stupid stuff just because it's possible. Not because I have done it, not because I want to do it, or *will* do it, but because it's *possible*. I watch for other people doing really, really stupid stuff, for the same reason. Aside from the antics of hormonal young men (and hormonal old men), and spare random precognition, <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink --> I have not been confirmed in my paranoia.

For this reason and others, I appreciate some of the people on this board who have been able to reach out to me. I feel like I'm chaotic without really wanting to be, and I don't know what the root of it is. And at this point, with the current state of psychiatry, my diagnosis is a descriptor, not a reason.

To get back to what I started writing about at the beginning of this: Chaos energy. Bad for the health? Not? <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink --> No effect whatsoever? Only if it's discordant?

Does kintype affect the health of the body?
2011-03-01 8:50
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Chordal
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Post: #2
Re: Chaos and health
Not to just be silly and reply to my own topic; I have a substantial update.

One thing I realized while out today is that it's possible that the "chaotic" feeling I've gotten when around people who have since died of cancer, and the "chaotic" nature of my mind, are not necessarily the same thing. If we take as a working hypothesis that I'm sensitive to energy...and I recall what I have felt when around people who were ill with cancer... the two people I have known have had almost a "frenzied" energy about them. The closest thing I can connect it to is the subjective feeling of uncontrolled frenetic rage, but muted, and with no outward expression of this.

One of these people was, at the time, close to my age -- and she was the one with the very severely dysfunctional energy. Of note -- my friend's dog was able to zero in on the location of her tumor. We don't know how -- scent? something else? She had a tendency to take every opportunity to threaten people who were not there. She also likely contracted cancer because of environmental toxicity.

Of the second person...the word I think of is "poisoned." That her...hate...though hate is a stronger word than I wish to use, I can't think of any other besides "dislike" and that is too weak...it wasn't entirely her fault, but because of what had been impressed on her, culturally, at a young age...it just was not good, and this and the other habits she learned and continued to feed, colored the way she saw the world and the people around her.

When I think of my own chaotic traits, I am no longer entirely certain that this *IS* me. What I mean by that: when I was writing the above, I was writing from a default psychological, "everything that happens in my head is mine," angle. I hadn't fully assimilated the idea that what I experience, mentally and emotionally, isn't necessarily all me. Because I'm sensitive, and I pick up on other energies...major reason I can't stand LaVey, recall. That is, maybe I perceive myself as chaotic because I'm attempting to own all of the various random and not-so-random energies that I come across.

In addition to that, I'm plural, though perhaps it hasn't entirely registered that *actually*, not everything that happens in this mind is of me. I had been thinking of myself as median, but maybe I should be considering myself between median and multiple...in order to dispel the, "everything in my mind really is me," belief. Thing is that not all of my system members are internally generated; they've told me over and over. Who I am speaking now is the Core -- though granted, my interpretation of "Core" is different from any other interpretation of "Core" I've seen. What I mean is that this is my body. I do not mean that anyone else here is dependent on me to exist.

I've been absent for a really long time -- to the point that I don't know entirely who I am anymore, because it's difficult for me to separate myself out from all the other noise. And it seems that there's more noise than there is me. I think it was late last year that Bell roused me.

The problem is that, it's possible that in order to to gain anything from this system as I'm laying it out, I may have to have some faith that my internal reality is either true, or true-enough to be a working property. That means really being able to take on the idea that *not everything that happens in this mind is mine,* the idea that *some sort of spiritual reality exists,* that *I actually am somewhat sensitive to energies,* and that *not everything experienced by the body's continuum of consciousness is connected to the same soul.* Taking "soul" to be used here as "condensate of Spirit."

Of course, there is the connection to what's generally recognized as mental illness, but illness and being close to the Veil (if I'm using the term correctly) are known to frequently co-occur, especially in natural psychics. I've heard from many quarters that the mentally ill should not be involved in anything like magic. Granted, I'm not into magic -- I'm much too paranoid for that. But mysticism? Psychic ability? Maybe I'm now reaching the age where I'm calm and mature enough that I can take on the idea of swimming through a spiritual reality, without feeling as vulnerable as I used to. And, I've collected a good enough number of friends that maybe I really *don't* need to fear, anymore.

Did I answer my own question? <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> Anyway, I've got to go very soon. I just wanted to send this out there.
2011-03-02 1:05
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Archer
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Post: #3
Re: Chaos and health
Hmm, interesting.

Here's a thought regarding constant battles. Certain careers - eg some aspects of law - require that almost your every working moment is either engaging in argument, or preparing for it. Certainly in my country where a lot of the legal system doesn't give lawyers much opportunity to pick and choose which side they're on, it's common to have to passionately and publically argue for something that you privately disagree with, with every fibre of your being. When I was in that line of work I certainly did some things professionally that on a personal level I found less than pleasant.

Now, my experience of other lawyers is that there are generally three kinds. There are the ones who are lawyers because their daddies (always daddies, never mummies!) were lawyers, or they did really well in school and had no idea what sort of degree to do in university but thought lawyering sounded well-paid, etc. People who just kind of drifted in to it. And they usually don't care a whole lot what happens in court, and they do their jobs as well as they are able, and stop doing them at weekends.

Then you get people who are driven and passionate and want to make the world a better place. They do their best to take on cases that mean something to them personally, they do pro bono work, they don't like defending the guilty and, if they really have to, they break rules - sometimes big time - in order to help justice, as they see it. They take their work home because it matters. They tend to be unhappy, and often drink way too much, and burn out quickly.

Last of all, you get people who are lawyers because they love a damn good fight more than anything else, and they would gladly sue their own grandmother if their client asked them to. They will gleefully pursue whatever instructions they get, they will free the guilty (and sometimes even hurt the innocent), enjoying the fact that so long as they behave ethically (even while doing Wrong) they're just the bullet in the client's gun. They take their work home because it's fun (and they can bill for overtime) and the joy of the job comes in winning, whether it's sending a rapist to jail or setting him free or bankrupting a widow or getting a dodgy builder to fix his jobs.

Now, where am I going with this long ramble? Well - it's an environment that involves constant stress, frequent anger, adversarial confrontations, bullying, intimidation, finesse, artistry, backstabbing, honour, truth, lies . . . and while it's completely destructive to a lot of people, a lot of people flourish in it.

Or to put it more simply: azaleas will die unless they have acid soil to grow in.

In an otherkin context . . . if someone's makeup is focussed on chaos (whatever that nebulous term means today), then chaos is likely to be good for them. If it isn't, then it won't be.

Ubi Dubium, Ibi Libertas

Quote:"I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood."

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2011-03-02 1:19
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Post: #4
Re: Chaos and health
Straight to the point: I've always been in fairly great health. Never broken a single bone, never had a cavity, never been to the hospital, never required medication outside of the occasional antibiotics, and never been sicker than chicken pox or strep throat.

I've always been figuring it'd all catch up to me with age. I'll let you know if and/or when I come down with anything serious.

Simim: Rainbow poop at your disservice.
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2011-04-28 19:40
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