Alright, so I'm a "maybe" over here.
First of all, I’d like to sternly state that for the time being, I am quite content to float somewhere in between ‘unsure’ and ‘human’. While I’m obviously quite open to the possibility that I may be Otherkin, I am equally as open to the possibility that I have an active imagination and need to get off 4Chan. I’d really rather examine the evidence before I look for a mystical answer to every little quirk that presents itself. That being said, my feeble reasoning behind why I’m here is going to sound slightly hypocritical. I’d also like to mention that I’m not interested in having my reasoning devalued or ripped to shreds; I’m aware that it’s very feeble and that there are other obvious and perfectly mundane explanations for all of them; I personally feel that it says something that there’s a multiplicity of such happenings, and I know that in order to be sincerely unbiased, it’s best for me to look into every possibility, rather than pick and choose between believability.
So, I’ve found myself here after some roundabout research. I was looking for fictitious novels by a certain author and I was eventually led to a different Otherkin website. After spending a few years researching the various varieties of and beliefs about Otherkin (I freaking love ED’s article), including purchase of the book A Field Guide To Otherkin, I’ve decided that the next best course of action is to join the forum that I’ve heard cited as no-nonsense the most. It’s a decision that’s come after several months contemplation; I really have seen mixed reception of people who are openly unsure within the Otherkin community, which frankly … strikes me as confusing and a little hypocritical in itself. When nothing is concrete in a concept, it seems off to berate people for being unsure about it. From what I’ve heard of this forum, though, it’s quite unlike that, which is why I’ve chosen to this forum for now.
Onto my reasoning behind why I’m considering that I may be Otherkin (along with considering that I may just have a broken brain): first and foremost, in my opinion, is a feeling of displacement - I believe that the word is species dysphoria? (Huh, what, my computer is blatantly refusing to add that word to it’s dictionary.) I don’t really know how to explain it, considering I find it hard enough to state what it’s like to be human in the first place, let alone how to explain what it feels like to experience the feeling of being displaced in the human species. I can, however, confidently assert that when I state that I experience species dysphoria with regards to being a human, it’s not out of some petty “humanz hate me” attitude; I know that we as a collective could try a shitton harder to clean our damn act up, but that’s not going to happen. I enjoy going to school, the movies, bowling, parties. It’s fun to participate in very human activities, but I do not feel as though humanity ‘fits’, if you will.
Alongside this, my body itself feels odd and disproportionate. This is due to both an overall feeling of wrongness and of phantom limbs. Unless my phantom limbs describe some kind of weird fruitbat-dragon which hasn’t yet been discovered, though, these make no sense, and I am too sceptical of life on other planets (and of any concept of multiple planes containing multiple life forms) to instantly say ‘well, it feels like an alien’. I tend to feel strange quills, sets of five, protruding from my shoulderblades. Phantom muscle underneath doesn’t mimic shoulderblade and suggests an entirely different anatomical structure in that general vicinity, and I also frequently feel fruitbat-like wings, in that my hands feel claw-like and graspy and there are odd winglike-structures protruding from my sides and attached to my arms. There is no tail, as such, but it does feel as though my coccyx is bent the wrong way - it feels as though it should be bending out, creating a ‘tail’ of sorts that would probably only achieve a few pointless centimeters. Very occasionally, I feel a very narrow tail of a foot or two. Aside from these, which are very constant, there is occasional “hoofy” feelings, gills, feelings of a wrong-shaped mouth, and of scales - this whole ‘my body doesn’t fit, ohnoes’ feeling is very unrealistic and unbelievable, but I’m giving it a go and seeing where I land, for now ~
There are occasionally thoughts (I would say that they’re memories except for a scepticism as far as reincarnation is concerned) that seem odd given present situations; sensations of having been somewhere similar but not … conceivably the same; very often sensations of being/having been underwater, and apparent ‘memories’ of interacting with plants I don’t seem to have any recollection of knowing. There’s also occasional unrealistic shifts in my personality and mannerisms; I am a very cheerful, optimistic and socially-oriented person who never has very many reserves (offline) and who doesn’t tend to give a rat’s bum about personal space, though I will very occasionally and for no apparent reason experience what seems to be described as a ‘mental shift’ in which I will become socially awkward, reluctant to interact, I will value space and privacy and I will take on a bit of a sentry-like role where I will be watchful, mindful and skittish in a way which is totally, utterly unrealistic for me. There is almost a complete adjustment in behaviour at these times which tends to be quite obvious to friends. While there’s no silly acting out, I do tend to avoid people and grumble far more often when in these … well, I’m reluctant to call them ‘moods’ because they’re not just moody mood swings. I know moody mood swings. >.<
I suppose that’s all I can say at the moment for why I feel as though I might be Otherkin. If it’s been of any interest, you’re welcome to discuss it or provide your thoughts - but please, as I mentioned above, don’t devalue it. I’ve spent damn years experiencing these and if it turns out that I’m experiencing these because I’m not mentally sound, you will be the first to find out by my sudden removal of myself from this forum. As far as myself, I’m a university student from Australia who loves cats and spends too much time on weheartit. I love pizza and the movie Night Watch - I’ve never read the books, but intend to. I’ve often thought it would be cool to have Anton’s power. Creepy, challenging, but cool.