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Alright. Back.
Chordal
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Post: #1
Alright. Back.
Hi everyone.

Yes, I did leave a note in the "I'm back" thread. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> It's been so long since I've been here, that I've been reading through all the new posts. I just thought with this that I'd give a heads-up as to where I'm at, now (before I forget, again).

Basically...I can't really recall the last time I was here, but a lot has happened, and I'm not sure how much of it I should really divulge (as the Internet is Forever). I've made a new acquaintance IRL that reminded me of this place, I suppose I can say. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> With myself, I've hit an area where I'm not totally trusting of the "faith" aspect of human existence.

That being said, the plurality is something that is unavoidable. However, the way this is seeming to work out is that I have at least two entities who are seeming to be parts of each other, and one of those writes under three different variant names. I have a strong inkling, paying attention to what I've been told to pay attention to before, that there's some past-life history in Asia. I do not know, however, if the Asian past-life influence is seeming to come from absorbed spirit friends or spirit guides, or whether they're native to the being who started out in this body -- of if it just happens to be cultural training from this life, of which there no longer is memory.

I'm not at this point specifically identifying as Otherkin. This is owing to the "lack of faith" thing that I mentioned above -- I had another fairly messed-up experience in the online plural community (yes, *another* one) -- and I came to the realization shortly ago that I had the capability of using the concepts of spirituality and religion to avoid dealing with things that needed to be dealt with in actual-life. Such as the gender-identity portion of all this, and the identity-building that it seems most people completed a while ago, which has enabled them to move on past that point (and do things like interact intimately with other people, which is hard when you aren't acting as who you are, and don't fully know who you are).

But the gender-identity stuff is a major building block of that "knowing who I am", and I'm still, really, developing it. Luckily, I have some support on that front, right now. At this point, I'm thinking that I'm probably not going to take testosterone (body's female, remember), but I may eventually go ahead with social transition. That's, *may*...because what I am is not fully either a man or woman, and that ties into the plurality thing in such a way that I'm not sure I could ever go full-time as either a man *or* a woman. What I'm thinking of is eventually transitioning to the point where I have obvious muscles, probably curves (depending on whether they disappear or not), keeping my chest, and mixing-and-matching the gender cues of my hair, glasses, clothing, shoes, and makeup. It would be nice if my voice were lower, but I can't do that without risking tons more body and facial hair (in addition to head hair loss), and I don't want that *now*. <!-- sWink --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- sWink --> So I'm not really sure if, being at this kind of "androgynous" place, I'd really need to socially transition (change my name and pronouns) -- but it could be fun. <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->

Religiously, I've diverted from the line I was at, the last time I was here; back into using a relatively Buddhist worldview. However, I'm not Buddhist in the sense of agreeing with the Four Noble Truths or Eightfold Path or practicing the Six Perfections. Hell, I hardly meditate. But I'm consistently interested in the Buddhist stuff, even when the study makes me irritated or angry (largely at things like hypocrisy, justifications of hypocrisy, dishonesty, ignorance, and obvious riddles/obscurations that I've seen, which is basically due to the fact that Buddhists, generally speaking, have the flaw of being human). So I have been considering the possibility that I'm dealing with having once held a Bodhisattva ideal, but at this point being jaded instead of naive. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

I have also been considering the concept of having been interested or involved in Daoism, which would explain the "demon" and "darkness" things I'd been talking about before -- but I haven't been able to deeply investigate this as of yet. It's just that the two lines -- Buddhism and Daoism -- coexisted in a particular place and time...unfortunately, this would be in China, which I'm scared to travel to (being not-straight and not-mentally-standard, plus there's that thing where China recently outlawed reincarnation [to give an excuse to arrest the Dalai Lama if he traveled to China, I'm guessing], which would also be a mark against me, since I'm talking, at least in part, about reincarnation).

But, ages change, dynasties rise and fall. I'm sure that at some point in the future, it will be safe again. Just -- not now. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->

Ah -- being called away. Will be back.
2012-07-10 0:37
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Chordal
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Post: #2
Re: Alright. Back.
Okay. Yes, here I go updating the thread even though I just posted. Yay. XD

The reason I posted originally is something that I didn't get around to elucidating. So...I'm trying to figure out if or when I should tell the person I recently met about the "personal mythology" thing that I'm pretty sure I mentioned here. Without getting too deeply into the details, I basically believe that the state I'm living in now (plural) has to do with my having (consensually) absorbed a spirit.

If the person didn't already believe in the stuff, I wouldn't be hesitant to talk about it; but there's a high possibility I'd be taken seriously, and I'm not sure if judgment or otherworld-tinkering would follow after that. Kind of silly the question, because for all I know they could be a member here...but I'm familiar with some of the people here already, and for some reason it seems safer to come here and ask for advice, than to risk losing someone who could be a friend because of being too candid.
2012-07-10 1:46
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Elinox
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Post: #3
Re: Alright. Back.
Glad you made it back here and thanks for the update.

Telling someone close to you can be a very positive thing. But it depends on their beliefs as to how I would approach telling someone I identify as Otherkin.

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2012-07-10 15:57
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Chordal
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Post: #4
Re: Alright. Back.
Hi Elinox!

Yeah...the thing is that they're actually very into religion (non-Christian religion), but still. And I have pretty much no clue how they'd view my situation...
2012-07-10 21:14
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Chimera
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Post: #5
Re: Alright. Back.
I don’t think we have met, however, welcome back. Interest to read all this.

We tend to think its always hard to tell anyone about believing or experiencing something that have not or do not believe in. I think the way going about it can change with every different individual case from slowly hinting at bit by bit over time to sitting them down and giving them the basics up front in one sitting. We’ve tended to adopt the slow bit by bit approach over time. Hinting things and trying to guess their renounce if we fully came out and after making hints start being slightly more and more direct about it. Course we have only so far come out completely to two people and am still starting to come out to two others,

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2012-07-11 12:49
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Elinox
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Post: #6
Re: Alright. Back.
Chordal Wrote:Yeah...the thing is that they're actually very into religion (non-Christian religion), but still. And I have pretty much no clue how they'd view my situation...

In my own experience, the risk in telling my then-boyfriend and now-husband was worth it. It was the hardest conversation I've ever had because I had no idea how he'd take it. He questioned it, and still does sometimes, but ultimately he accepted it as just another part of me.

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2012-07-11 14:11
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